How Can I Tell if He Really Loves Me?

Dear eNotAlone: What is love? Does it really exist or am I just deluding myself in believing that he loves me? He says he loves me, but his actions don't always back that up. He's never done anything to hurt me, but I don't always feel loved either. At times, it almost feels like the word 'love' is just a word that he throws out when we're together and nothing more. Is it possible for someone to genuinely love someone and not show it with words or actions? How can I tell if he really loves me or if I'm just deluding myself into thinking that it's true?

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It can be difficult to discern whether someone loves you or not, especially when their actions may not always match their words. First and foremost, ensure that you are taking care of your own mental health and wellbeing. If you feel like someone's words and actions do not demonstrate genuine love for you, it may be best to take a step back from the relationship, however painful that may be. It is important to respect yourself and only be around people who recognize your needs and value.

Love is a complex emotion that is often misunderstood. It is often defined by physical, verbal and emotional displays of affection, understanding, and commitment. the most important measure of love is the effort and energy both parties put into the relationship. Genuine love requires mutual respect, trust, and an appreciation of who you are. See if the person you are with displays these qualities, and be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a relationship.

When it comes to discerning whether or not someone truly loves you, take time to reflect on the relationship. Are they there for you in times of difficulty and joy? Do they make an effort to support and understand you? Show respect for your opinion and beliefs? Make you feel safe and appreciated? Do they listen to and validate your feelings? Compliment you in meaningful ways? Apologize and take responsibility for their mistakes? If a person demonstrates all of these behaviors, it is likely that they have genuine feelings of love towards you.

Don't be afraid to ask the person directly how they feel about you. Remind them that you care for them and respect their emotions, no matter what their response. An open conversation will show them that you are both serious about this relationship, and can start down the path of understanding each other's wants and needs better.