Dear eNotAlone: I'm desperately in need of some advice. I feel like I've fallen hopelessly in love with a girl and I have no idea how to talk to her. We go to the same school, but we don't have any classes together - it feels like I'll never get the chance to approach her and introduce myself.
I've tried to follow advice from friends that I shouldn't be scared and that I should just go up to her - but every time I try and force up the courage to do that I just get so worked up that I can't even bring myself to walk up to her. I want to make a good first impression, but at the same time I just know that I'm going to mess it up and embarrass myself in front of her.
Even if I could summon the courage to talk to her, I wouldn't know where to start. I feel like I should say something clever, but what if my joke falls flat? I don't have any kind of strategy for making conversation. I'm at a loss.
I don't want to miss my chance with her, and I'm hoping that you can help. Can you give me any advice on the best way to approach her without making too much of an idiot of myself?
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I understand your plight, deciding how to approach someone you're interested in can be a daunting task. It's true that having a strategy is important, and failing to do so can leave one feeling embarrassed and confused. I'm here to lend a hand, and to give you a few tips and tricks on how to talk to a girl.
First and foremost, it's important to relax when you talk to a girl. Take a few deep breaths, think positive thoughts and remember to focus on having a fun and genuine conversation. Let your natural sense of humor take over, as long as you don't force yourself too hard!
It's important to be confident, but also be mindful that it could be intimidating for her. Start by introducing yourself and asking her name – don't forget to smile! But then dive into conversation topics that you both have in common. Ask her opinions on movies or music, talk about favorite places she's visited, or discuss classes you two share. Something else you can do is notice any unique qualities she has and comment on them in a lighthearted way.
It's also important to stay away from overly personal topics. Showing your interest in a professional manner can help her open up to you, as it conveys that you are receptive to her thoughts and opinions.
If after talking to her, she still seems to shut down or not be engaging in conversation, don't worry. It may just mean the timing isn't right – give yourself time to build a friendship, then see if it moves forward from there.