How Can I Make My On-Again-Off-Again Relationship Work?

Dear eNotAlone: My name is Christine and I have been in an on-again-off-again relationship for the past four years. We met in school and had an immediate connection, but I can't seem to make him stay in a committed relationship. Things between us are so complicated that even I can barely figure it out. He'll act as my boyfriend for a few months, only to break up with me a few weeks later, leaving me feeling like a fool.

This cycle has been going on for so long that I'm starting to get tired of it. I love him and care deeply for him, but I don't want to keep jumping through the same hoops and getting hurt over and over again. I know he loves me and cares for me too, but I can't help but wonder if I'm wasting my time.

How can I make this work? Is there anything I can do to make this relationship more stable and secure? Should I just give up and move on? Please help me figure out what to do. - Christine

Dear Christine,

It sounds like it has been a difficult road for you in this relationship. It is understandable why you'd be feeling so confused and unsure about what the best solution is. It is important to know that you are not alone in your struggle. Many people in similar relationships have gone through the same situation as you.

The first thing to do is to sit down and think carefully about what it is that you need in a relationship. What kind of commitment are you looking for? What do you need from this person in order to feel secure in the relationship? These are all important questions to consider. Once you have identified what it is that you need, you should communicate this to your partner. If they are not willing to meet your needs, then you should consider seriously whether or not the relationship is worth continuing. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be in a relationship that satisfies your needs.

If your partner is willing to meet your needs, it is possible that the relationship can be saved. However, it is important to remember that the work is up to both of you. In order to make the relationship work, you will both need to commit to communicating openly, honestly, and often. You will also need to find new ways to build trust and as much stability as possible.

It can be hard, but if you both choose to put in the effort it may just be possible to make this work.