Could Have, Would Have, Should Have: Overcoming Regrets in Relationships

We all experience moments of regret throughout our lives, but these moments can sometimes be overwhelming when they come to relationships. Whether it's a failed romances, a lost friendship, or simply the things you wished you said or did differently, these regrets can be painful and hard to overcome. For anyone grappling with this ongoing cycle, there is hope for getting past the guilt and self-condemnation and being able to find closure with relationships.

When confronting the pain of regret, it’s important to recognize that you aren't alone. Regret is a universal emotion, as all humans are imperfect and make mistakes with their relationships. It doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong with you, and it’s not a sign that the mistake was too severe to correct or forgive. We all tell ourselves stories about why we are the way we are, and we need to challenge these stories and be aware of the meaning of our experiences.

It’s also helpful to remember that many relationships can be set right again with time and effort. Even if you aren’t able to reconnect in the way you hoped, there may be a way to still view your relationship as valuable and see what you can learn from it. Your experiences with others don’t need to be perfect to have value. An honest, heartfelt apology could go a long way in bringing the relationship back together.

It may also be helpful to challenge the pessimism of “could have, would have, should have” thinking. Instead of telling yourself, “I could have said the right thing but I didn't,” try reframing your thoughts. Instead, remind yourself that you said what you said out of the best intentions, and there may be other ways you could have handled the situation that could have changed the outcome. And it doesn’t hurt to practice gratitude for the lessons learned.

Above all, it’s essential to cultivate self-compassion when confronting regret. After all, our relationships are not defined solely by their failures and frustrations. And acknowledging failures can be just as important as celebrating successes. When you make an effort to recognize your unique worth and capabilities -- especially when times are tough -- you can better direct your energy toward change rather than blame or self-criticism.

In the end, learning to be content with not having the perfect relationship can be its own form of freedom. So rather than wishing things were different and dwelling on the past, you can be content with the present and live with the knowledge that no matter what happens, you will continue to learn and grow and find peace in any situation.

Regrets can be powerful but they don’t have to control us or weigh us down forever. Through acceptance and self-opportunity, we can find new paths forward even in the most difficult of situations. Being mindful and allowing ourselves to move forward, we can start looking at our regrets in a more positive light, leaving room for growth and understanding.