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  • Paula Thompson
    Paula Thompson

    7 Reasons Why Your Partner Says One Thing and Does Another

    Imagine this scenario: Your partner assures you that they cherish your shared times of solitude and intimacy, but they consistently invite friends over or stay late at work. It's perplexing, isn't it? The intriguing dance of stating one thing and doing the complete opposite can lead to confusion, frustration, and emotional stress.

    To understand this phenomenon, let's first explore a foundational concept in psychology: cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance refers to the mental discomfort experienced by a person who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values. This discomfort can lead to inconsistencies in behavior and communication, resulting in a person saying one thing and doing another.

    There are numerous reasons why your partner might be engaging in this baffling behavior. Some of them might stem from their own emotional insecurities or unresolved issues, while others could be indicative of deeper, systemic problems within your relationship. The key to deciphering this complex puzzle is to approach it with empathy, patience, and a willingness to communicate openly.

    In this article, we will delve into seven surprising reasons why your partner might be playing the two-faced tango and offer some advice on how to handle this seemingly erratic behavior. Prepare yourself for an exciting journey into the human mind and the intricate dynamics of relationships.

    The Seven Reasons: A Dive Into the Human Psyche

    1. Fear of Confrontation: Some people are uncomfortable with conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it. They might say what they think you want to hear, only to act differently, hoping to avoid a disagreement.

    2. Seeking Approval: If your partner frequently seeks validation or approval, they might tell you what they think you want to hear, even if it contradicts their true feelings or intentions.

    3. Lack of Self-Awareness: It's possible that your partner isn't fully aware of their inconsistency. They may not realize that their actions don't align with their words, especially if they're acting out of habit or following unconscious patterns.

    4. Control and Manipulation: This is a more troubling reason. Some people use inconsistency as a tool for control or manipulation. They promise things they have no intention of delivering to gain an advantage.

    5. Emotional Unavailability: A partner who is emotionally unavailable may use words to create a semblance of connection or intimacy, while their actions may suggest detachment or indifference.

    6. Fear of Vulnerability: Openness makes one vulnerable. If your partner fears this vulnerability, they may say things that keep you at a comfortable distance while their actions suggest a desire for closer connection.

    7. Unresolved Past Issues: Sometimes, past traumas or unresolved issues can result in inconsistent behavior. Your partner might say one thing, but deep-seated fears or beliefs lead them to act contrary to their words.

    Deciphering the Dance: How to Navigate through the Two-Faced Tango

    If you've recognized these patterns in your partner, don't despair. Understanding is the first step to resolution. Here are some strategies to navigate through this perplexing two-faced tango:

    1. Open and Honest Communication: Address the inconsistency between their words and actions without accusation or judgment. Be open, calm, and focused during this conversation.

    2. Seek Professional Help: If the inconsistency continues or leads to distress, a therapist or counselor can provide guidance and coping strategies.

    3. Set Boundaries: If your partner's behavior leans towards manipulation or control, setting firm boundaries is crucial. Assert your needs and ensure they're respected.

    4. Practice Patience: Changes won't happen overnight. If your partner has unresolved issues or fears, it'll take time for them to adjust their behavior.

    5. Empathetic Understanding: Try to understand the possible reasons behind your partner's behavior. This understanding can foster deeper connections and lead to productive conversations.

    6. Encourage Self-awareness: Promote introspection within your partner. They may not be aware of their contradictory behavior, and shedding light on it may help rectify the situation.

    7. Stay True to Yourself: Inconsistencies can be confusing, but always remember to trust your feelings and instincts. They can guide you through these perplexing dynamics.


    1. Festinger, L. (1957). "A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance." Stanford University Press. 

    2. Brown, B. (2012). "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead." Gotham Books.

    3. Chapman, G. (2015). "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts." Northfield Publishing.

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