By Margarita Nahapetyan
Today psychologists do not see anger and irritation as signs of someone's abnormal behavior. It is considered as a normal process that has allowed humans to evolve and adapt. It is not a bad thing in itself, but problems arise if it is not being handled in the right way. Frequent manifestation of nervousness is ridiculous and proves lack of control, reasoning and sensitivity.
Anger is a mixture of both emotional and physical changes. A big flow of energy goes through your body as chemicals, such as adrenaline, are released. Once the cause of the anger is solved, you may still have to deal with its physical effects (in order to get rid of that extra energy). This can be taken out on another person, such as a partner, or an object - by kicking or hitting a wall, for example.
Irritation and anger are fundamental feelings that come out naturally when people feel they have been treated unfairly. People cannot control their behavior and often become irritated with other people's mistakes when things don't happen the desired way, and when they are being hurt or offended. Anger and irritation are closely related and are the feelings that most commonly surface in relatives. For example, irritation when the person does not understand what he/she has been told, or not being able to remember what he/she has just been asked about, may lead to anger. Repetitive questions may irritate. Relatives or friends may feel that there is no solution to their regular torture. People become angry and may even hit others, and feel terribly ashamed afterwards.
People are sure that their reaction is quite natural because it is a common reaction that is observed in the majority and can be justified in a logical way. But logical thinking cannot explain why one has to become so irritated and nervous when things go wrong. It is just an assumption that this is a logical behavior and it can be excused and justified by explaining why the person feels unfairly treated, not why they have to react with aggressiveness and anger when they are hurt by someone else. The impulsive aggressive reaction that is caused by attack of irritation is due to the presence of a wild and violent conscience in the psychic sphere that has a control over peoples behavior when their pride and self-esteem are being hurt for some reason. If not for that, this angry reaction would not have taken place: one would just become upset, and not irritated.
Angry and irritated reactions are ridiculous and absurd because people should rationally understand what was the reason for their pain without feeling angry. First of all, it is important to be aware of the positive feelings you get from anger as well as the negative ones. By recognizing both the positive and negative feelings associated with the situation, it's necessary to find other means and concentrate on the positives ones.
Feelings are different for different people, therefore, the solutions will be different, too. Though there are some strategies that might be useful for many of them, such as:
Remember to stay a human being. Most of the time people will forget the incident caused by your compulsive behavior, but it is good to learn how to keep emotions and irritation under control and talk to someone about your anger if it is an ongoing problem.
Not to be ashamed or embarrassed about your feelings and behavior, but try to understand and reason why you become angry so you can deal with these issues.
Use humor, it can help coping up with difficult situation and try to see things in a nice way.
It is useful to seek help from family, friends, relatives or corresponding organizations so you don't burn out.
Trying a non-contact competitive sport.
Learning meditation or relaxation.
Screaming in a quiet place, alone.
Banging fists on the pillow.
If all this still does not help your condition, make sure to sit down and understand as to what exactly makes you angry and nervous. Most often it will involve a person, or people, so maybe it is good to start handling the problem by working the things out with them first. It is important that you remember to address and confront the problem itself, and not the person. Determine the nature of the problem and how it makes you feel. And again, be clear that it is the problem - not the person - that makes you feel like this. It is also important to understand each other's viewpoint of the situation. Each person should be able to express his/her opinion about what they think of the problem, and not being interrupted by the other. After this, establish the points where you disagree. Do not argue about the disagreements yet, just agree to disagree. This is how you define the problem.
The next step is to look for an appropriate solution. Here, be as outrageous as you like - but again, no personal attacking. Generate as many possible solutions as you can, possible and impossible, realistic and unrealistic, at that moment it does not really matter. And finally, you have to agree on a solution. This is probably the most delicate and essential part of the whole process. It is important not to have unrealistic expectations - it's likely that the final solution will not be ideal for either of you, but the resulting compromise will probably be better than the problems the anger generated.
However, if a person cannot cope with this problem alone or with the help of others, it is required to undergo psychotherapy in order to learn how to control one's reactions and eliminate the problem. If you just decide to be calm, this will not work in practical life because this is not a question that depends only on your desire and wish. It is already a matter of the anti-conscience, which lives deep inside you, and tries to invade and destroy your humanity.