My partner and I have different ideas about parenting. How can we come to an agreement?

Parenting is a huge part of life and is full of complex decisions, emotions and arguments between couples. My partner and I have drastically different ideas about raising children, and we often find ourselves disagreeing on the simplest of matters. We had begun to grow distant, but we are determined to make our relationship work and come to a conclusion both of us can accept. If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some tips for coming to an agreement about parenting.

The most important step for my partner and I to reach a desirable arrangement was to start talking openly and honestly about our feelings on each issue. Having difficult conversations about topics like discipline, budgeting and rules was difficult, and it took time, patience and understanding to get through. It may not be easy, but it is necessary if both parents are to move towards a shared vision of parenting.

In addition to listening to each other’s perspectives without judgement or anger, we did some research on different parenting methods and discussed our core values. We were flexible and willing to be open to some changes in our beliefs and shifted slightly as needed. We allowed small compromises between us that would accommodate our combined vision. Listening to one another without getting distracted or side-tracked allowed us to be patient and respectful in the process.

We also set some common ground rules. That way we knew the consequences of certain situations when our desires clashed. The ground rules prevented us from arguing needlessly and helped us to make responsible decisions on behalf of our children. Lastly, neither one of us allowed ourselves to turn every disagreement into a huge battle. We tried to stay focused on finding a solution that would work for both of us.

We recognize that at times parenting together can be difficult, tense and sometimes painful. Although our conversations weren't perfect and there were moments of friction, we managed to make it through together. By learning to manage our differences peacefully and carefully listen to each other, my partner and I have been able to build a stronger bond and come to a mutually satisfactory agreement about parenting.