Trauma Bonds and the Perils of Passion

We live in a world in which we often feel a pull to the thrill of passion and excitement. But these sorts of traumatically bonded relationships tend to be laden with anxiety and chaos, and a lack of emotional stability. A trauma bond is an intense relationship between two people who, once drawn together, become deeply devoted to each other despite the inherent dangers of being so attached with no realistic hope of real change.

At first glance, the thrill of such a relationship can seem all-consuming. The passionate highs of passionate relationships provide a regular source of adrenaline, leaving us yearning for more and feeling addicted to the intensity. But this kind of partnership actually serves to create an aura of fear and insecurity due to the regularly occurring anxiety of abandonment. The ongoing push and pull of the relationship creates a sense that one's feelings are constantly in flux, never truly reaching a stable point.

It can be difficult to differentiate between genuine love and a trauma bond. Unlike a healthy, secure relationship, the support systems are rarely equal in a trauma bond, and usually, one person's needs take precedent over the other. This creates a situation in which one person's emotional needs come at the expense of their partner's wellbeing. Often, the “love” felt in these relationships is only a coping mechanism, used to maintain control and avoid facing our own fears.

Authentic love is quite different from a trauma bond. It is honest, secure, respectful, and dependable. It is not volatile, unpredictable or stressful. Love that is reliable and consistent is far more satisfying than a roller coaster of emotions that can cause more hurt than solace.

When entering into a new relationship, it is important to keep in mind the pitfalls of trauma bonding and recognize when feelings have become intense. Taking time to learn one another's individual needs and actively communicating them will help to ensure that you are in a safe and healthy partnership. And remember: authentic love is rooted in mutual respect and unconditional acceptance, and there is always room for growth and development in any relationship.

Being mindful of these principles promotes a safe space within our relationships and can ensure that they remain positive, trusting, and fulfilling. Don’t let yourself get sucked into the tumultuous cycle of a trauma bond; instead, explore relationships that embrace unconditional security and nurture genuine love.