10 Effects of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) on Relationships

Key Takeaways:

• ASPD disrupts emotional bonds
• Trust becomes challenging
• Manipulative behaviors are common
• Conflict often escalates
• Empathy gaps impact intimacy

Effects of Antisocial Personality Disorder on Relationships

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) can bring real struggles to relationships. If you're with someone who has ASPD, it can feel like you're walking through a maze where the usual relationship tools—like trust and communication—don't work the way they should. Sometimes, it's not just about what they say or do; it's about what you don't see—like empathy and responsibility, which can be missing or deeply muted in these relationships.

Experts agree that ASPD can cause a “profound disconnect,” as Dr. Martha Stout explains in her book, The Sociopath Next Door: “Without conscience, the ability to love others becomes handicapped.” This isn't always intentional, but it reflects how ASPD's lack of empathy and emotional awareness can lead to hurt, distrust, and sometimes even fear in relationships.

In this article, we'll walk through how personality traits like ASPD affect romantic connections, exploring both the challenges and what we can do to build resilience and understanding. Whether you're directly impacted by this disorder in your relationship or trying to understand its effects, let's explore the complexity of antisocial traits within intimate bonds and how they shape the dynamics of love, trust, and commitment.

How does personality affect romantic relationships?

Personality plays a huge role in shaping our closest relationships. Think of it as the backdrop that colors every interaction, from the way we argue to how we show love. Traits that might seem trivial in everyday life become intensified when we bring them into our intimate bonds. Differences in personality can either create a harmonious balance or turn into a source of conflict, especially when more extreme traits, like those associated with personality disorders, come into play.

Psychologists often look at how personality traits influence our relationships to understand why some couples seem effortlessly compatible while others struggle. A theory known as the "Big Five" personality model considers openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism as core traits that influence interpersonal dynamics. But even beyond these general categories, specific personality disorders like ASPD carry unique challenges, disrupting some of the most essential aspects of a healthy relationship.

1. Communication styles

Effective communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship. When one partner communicates openly and clearly, it fosters trust and understanding. But when personality influences communication style in a way that feels aggressive, dismissive, or emotionally distant, misunderstandings easily pile up. For those with ASPD, communication can often lean toward manipulation or a lack of responsiveness, creating a frustrating imbalance for their partner.

This isn't just about how often we talk but about how we talk. Communication styles influenced by ASPD may involve frequent "stonewalling"—or complete withdrawal from discussion—or tactics like “gaslighting,” where the partner's reality and emotions are dismissed as invalid or even “crazy.” These patterns can wear away at the trust in a relationship, leaving the partner feeling alone and unheard.

2. Emotional stability in partnerships

Personality greatly impacts how we handle emotions and what psychologists call “emotional regulation.” Partners with high emotional stability tend to handle conflicts calmly, while those with less stability can react intensely, making relationships feel more turbulent. ASPD often correlates with low emotional stability, as the lack of empathy and tendency toward impulsive reactions may mean emotions run unchecked or in unpredictable bursts.

This can lead to the partner feeling as though they're “walking on eggshells” around an ASPD partner, never sure when a minor issue might turn into a major confrontation. Without consistent emotional stability, it becomes challenging to form a secure and comforting bond, which is key for deeper emotional connection in any romantic relationship.

3. Building and maintaining trust

Trust is essential, yet delicate. It takes time to build and seconds to destroy. In relationships affected by ASPD, trust often suffers as the partner with the disorder may struggle to uphold the commitment and honesty necessary for a stable bond. Because antisocial personalities often lack guilt and remorse, dishonesty can easily become a repeating pattern, leading their partner to feel insecure and on guard.

Many people assume trust should be easy, but when dealing with a personality type that tends to view others as tools rather than equal partners, trust becomes an uphill battle. Unfortunately, repeated broken promises and consistent dishonesty only make it harder for both parties to establish a foundation where they feel secure and supported.

4. Conflict resolution patterns

How a couple handles disagreements says a lot about the health of their relationship. Constructive conflict resolution allows both people to voice concerns, find compromises, and strengthen their relationship in the process. With ASPD, however, conflict often takes on a more destructive form. People with ASPD are known to have little tolerance for compromise, and their approach to conflict can veer into aggression or dismissal of their partner's feelings entirely.

In the words of psychotherapist Susan Heitler in her book The Power of Two: "Effective conflict resolution requires empathy, openness, and a genuine willingness to understand the other person's perspective." For individuals with ASPD, these qualities can be limited or absent, which creates significant barriers to healthy resolution. This can lead to recurring, unresolved conflicts that chip away at the relationship's foundation.

5. Role of attachment styles

Attachment styles, which psychologists describe as the way we form bonds based on early relationships, play a vital role in romantic connections. Typically, we fall into one of four main styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant. These influence how we approach closeness, handle separation, and express our need for emotional security. When antisocial personality traits enter the mix, attachment styles can become even more complex and, at times, distorted.

For instance, someone with a secure attachment might struggle to understand why a partner with ASPD pulls away or seems indifferent. Meanwhile, an avoidant attachment style can pair poorly with antisocial traits, as both partners may prefer emotional distance. Understanding these styles isn't just interesting; it's crucial for seeing patterns in how we relate and helping us empathize with each other's needs, or at least recognize differences.

6. Measuring compatibility

Compatibility goes beyond surface-level similarities; it dives into shared values, beliefs, and outlooks on life. When personality traits are more extreme or involve disorders like ASPD, compatibility can suffer. The behaviors associated with ASPD—manipulation, disregard for others' feelings, impulsiveness—often clash with the qualities we typically seek in a partner, like honesty, empathy, and respect.

For many, the very definition of compatibility includes emotional safety and mutual support, something that's hard to maintain when one partner exhibits antisocial tendencies. Compatibility isn't a one-size-fits-all, but for couples with significant personality differences, it often requires a deeper level of patience and understanding. It's about finding that middle ground, but not at the expense of personal well-being.

7. Sexual satisfaction dynamics

Sexual satisfaction is a multi-faceted component of relationships, tied to emotional intimacy, trust, and open communication. For many partners with ASPD, the challenge lies in achieving genuine emotional connection, which can limit sexual satisfaction and intimacy. Intimacy requires vulnerability, a quality often absent in ASPD, which can make the sexual bond feel mechanical or detached.

It's common for partners in such relationships to feel that sex lacks the closeness they might seek. If sexual satisfaction is low, it can affect the relationship's overall stability. After all, physical connection should enhance the bond, but when it's merely functional, resentment or dissatisfaction may arise, adding more tension to the relationship dynamic.

8. Commitment and its role

Commitment forms the glue that keeps couples together through ups and downs. However, for someone with ASPD, commitment can be fleeting or insincere. People with ASPD often struggle with long-term commitments, as they may not see relationships in the same light as their partners. The lack of remorse and tendency toward impulsive decisions often means that commitment doesn't hold the same weight for them as it might for others.

That doesn't mean every person with ASPD can't commit; rather, it may look different. A partner might find themselves questioning their ASPD partner's dedication or feeling insecure about the relationship's future. For some, this uncertainty becomes too taxing, especially when commitment feels more like an abstract concept than a mutual investment.

10 Effects of Antisocial Personality Disorder on Relationships

Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) doesn't just influence the individual; its impact often ripples through their relationships. Romantic partners, in particular, may face some of the most intense challenges due to the unique ways ASPD affects emotional engagement, trust, and conflict resolution. Many partners describe feeling unfulfilled or even unsafe, experiencing behaviors that fundamentally alter the nature of their connection.

Understanding these effects helps to contextualize the struggles faced in such relationships and sheds light on the specific dynamics at play. Let's take a closer look at ten prominent ways ASPD can manifest in romantic partnerships.

1. Lack of emotional connection

A lack of emotional connection can be one of the most challenging aspects for the partner of someone with ASPD. In healthy relationships, emotional connection builds through empathy, shared experiences, and mutual support. However, for people with ASPD, this type of deep emotional bond often feels unnecessary, even foreign. They might appear detached or uninterested in forming that deeper level of intimacy that many of us crave in a relationship.

This lack of emotional connection can leave their partner feeling isolated or as if they're constantly reaching out without ever being met halfway. It's as though they're emotionally invested in someone who simply isn't able to reciprocate, a frustrating cycle that can lead to a persistent sense of loneliness.

2. Dishonesty and manipulation

Dishonesty and manipulation are common traits associated with ASPD, and they frequently emerge in romantic relationships. Partners might find themselves second-guessing everything they're told, as manipulative behavior can make it hard to discern the truth. Whether it's minor fibs or major lies, a consistent pattern of dishonesty erodes trust and makes it difficult to build a stable, safe partnership.

Manipulation often comes in subtle forms—emotional pressure, guilt-tripping, or even gaslighting, where the partner's sense of reality is questioned or undermined. This type of behavior can leave the partner feeling confused or doubting their own perceptions, further breaking down trust.

3. Impulsivity and risky behaviors

Impulsivity, a hallmark of ASPD, often translates to risky or reckless behaviors that can destabilize relationships. These behaviors may include financial irresponsibility, spontaneous decisions that affect both partners, or even dangerous activities that put both themselves and their partner at risk. Partners of people with ASPD often report feeling stressed and anxious due to the unpredictability brought by these impulsive actions.

Impulsivity isn't limited to behavior; it can also appear in verbal interactions, where sudden outbursts or aggressive responses catch their partner off guard. This constant unpredictability creates a relationship dynamic where stability feels out of reach.

4. Aggression and violent tendencies

Aggression, whether verbal or physical, can be another difficult aspect of relationships affected by ASPD. While not all individuals with ASPD are violent, a significant number may express anger in hostile ways, leading to verbal abuse or even physical confrontations. This aggression often stems from a lack of patience and empathy, as well as an inability to manage frustration constructively.

Even if physical violence isn't a factor, the presence of verbal aggression alone can create an atmosphere of fear and tension, making the relationship feel volatile and unsafe. For many, this constant threat of aggression takes a toll on their emotional and mental well-being, eventually forcing them to reconsider the relationship's sustainability.

5. Infidelity and betrayal

Infidelity is one of the harsh realities that can occur in relationships with someone who has ASPD. Due to their impulsive nature and frequent disregard for boundaries, individuals with antisocial traits may not hold the same loyalty that others do. Cheating, whether emotional or physical, can come easily when commitment isn't deeply valued. Betrayal in any relationship is painful, but when it happens repeatedly, it leaves the partner feeling devalued and vulnerable.

Many partners express that the betrayal isn't only about physical actions but also emotional ones. They find themselves on unstable ground, constantly questioning their partner's true feelings and intentions. The psychological toll of this type of betrayal is profound, often leading to self-doubt and intense emotional distress.

6. Deficiency in empathy

Empathy is what helps us connect, show compassion, and care for the well-being of our partners. In individuals with ASPD, this quality is often absent or diminished, making it challenging for them to recognize or understand their partner's feelings. A lack of empathy can create situations where the ASPD partner appears cold, indifferent, or even cruel, as they're unable to emotionally “tune in” to the needs and emotions of their loved one.

This deficiency in empathy can mean that one partner's distress goes unnoticed, or worse, dismissed as unimportant. In such relationships, the partner of someone with ASPD may feel emotionally neglected, often leading to resentment and an unfulfilled sense of partnership.

7. Reluctance to compromise

Compromise is essential in healthy relationships. It shows respect, cooperation, and a willingness to meet in the middle for the sake of the relationship. However, individuals with ASPD often lack this willingness to compromise. Their need for control and reluctance to bend can create an “all or nothing” dynamic where they expect things to go their way without considering their partner's preferences.

This one-sided approach can be exhausting for the partner, as every disagreement or difference of opinion feels like a battle. Over time, the lack of compromise erodes mutual respect and can make the relationship feel unbalanced and, at times, combative.

8. Avoidance of responsibility

Personal responsibility is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. We all make mistakes, but taking accountability is how we grow and maintain trust. For individuals with ASPD, avoidance of responsibility can be a recurring theme. They may shift blame, deny wrongdoing, or simply refuse to acknowledge their actions' impact on their partner.

This pattern can make it nearly impossible for issues to be resolved, as the ASPD partner often deflects or minimizes problems rather than confronting them. This avoidance leads to built-up resentment and a sense of injustice for their partner, who may feel that their feelings and experiences are continually invalidated.

9. Emotional expression challenges

Expressing emotions, especially vulnerable ones, is often difficult for individuals with ASPD. They may struggle to articulate their feelings or even to recognize them internally. This emotional inaccessibility can make it hard for their partner to connect on a deeper level, as they're left guessing what their ASPD partner truly feels or thinks.

When emotions remain unexpressed, it creates a barrier in the relationship, one that's difficult to overcome without openness and vulnerability. Partners may feel as though they're in a relationship with someone who is emotionally “unavailable” or distant, which adds to feelings of isolation and frustration.

10. Ignoring social norms

Ignoring or disregarding social norms and conventions is a hallmark trait of ASPD. In a relationship context, this can manifest as behavior that doesn't respect personal boundaries, societal expectations, or even legal restrictions. For example, they may act impulsively in public settings, disregard agreed-upon boundaries within the relationship, or engage in behaviors that make their partner feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

This disregard for norms doesn't only create tension within the relationship but can also strain social connections with friends, family, and the community. The partner may feel constantly on edge, unsure of when the next breach of social conduct will occur, leading to chronic stress and an increasingly difficult environment for mutual understanding.

Treatment of Antisocial Personality Disorder in relationships

Treating Antisocial Personality Disorder within the context of relationships can be complex and often requires a combination of therapeutic approaches. Many individuals with ASPD do not seek treatment independently, as the disorder's traits—such as a lack of guilt and empathy—may prevent them from recognizing the need for help. However, when they do enter treatment, or when a partner encourages it, certain therapies can be beneficial, especially in improving interpersonal relationships.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one common approach, as it helps individuals with ASPD recognize and modify problematic thoughts and behaviors. By identifying patterns of manipulation, impulsivity, or aggression, they can gradually work towards developing healthier relational habits. Family or couples therapy may also be useful, focusing on improving communication and setting boundaries that foster a safer, more stable relationship environment.

Although therapy may not cure ASPD, some individuals can learn to manage certain behaviors more effectively. Boundaries are key here. Partners may find that they need to establish clear boundaries to protect their emotional well-being and reduce the impact of destructive behaviors.

Some commonly asked questions

What personality disorder avoids relationships?

Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) is a disorder in which individuals typically avoid relationships and social connections. Those with SPD are often described as “loners” who find little to no pleasure in forming close bonds or engaging in social activities. Unlike ASPD, where antisocial behaviors are marked by manipulation or disregard for others' well-being, SPD tends to involve emotional detachment and a genuine lack of interest in social interactions. While they don't intentionally harm others, they also don't seek or rely on companionship for emotional support.

Another personality disorder associated with avoiding relationships is Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). People with AvPD often desire relationships but fear rejection or criticism, leading to significant social anxiety and isolation. Unlike ASPD or SPD, where either disregard for or disinterest in others predominates, AvPD involves a deep-seated fear of not being accepted or valued by others, making social situations feel overwhelmingly stressful.

Do people with ASPD have difficulty sustaining relationships?

Yes, individuals with ASPD often find it challenging to sustain long-term relationships. Relationships require empathy, trust, and compromise—all qualities that are difficult for someone with ASPD to maintain. The disorder's characteristics, such as impulsivity, lack of remorse, and manipulative behaviors, can create significant strains on any bond. Partners of individuals with ASPD may struggle with trust issues, communication problems, and a general sense of unpredictability in their relationship.

Some people with ASPD are able to maintain relationships for a period, but often these connections are marked by volatility, inconsistency, and tension. While not every person with ASPD will be unable to sustain a relationship, the disorder introduces serious challenges that often make long-term commitment difficult without active effort or treatment.

Recommended Resources

• The Sociopath Next Door by Dr. Martha Stout – An exploration of how individuals with antisocial traits impact those around them, offering insight into the mindset of people with ASPD.
• Personality Disorders in Modern Life by Theodore Millon – This book offers a comprehensive look at various personality disorders, including ASPD, with a focus on understanding and treatment.
• Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us by Dr. Robert D. Hare – A detailed examination of the traits of psychopathy, which overlaps with ASPD, focusing on its impact in relationships and society.