Help For Hoarders: How To Get Started

Key Takeaways:

• Hoarding disorder can affect safety.
• Decluttering requires small, consistent steps.
• Self-help techniques can ease anxiety.
• Mindfulness helps manage urges to hoard.
• Support networks are essential for progress.

Do you or someone you love feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of “stuff” piling up? If clutter has taken over your home to the point where it feels suffocating, you're not alone. Hoarding disorder isn't just a matter of holding onto sentimental items—it's a mental health condition that can consume your life, making it hard to part with anything, even things you no longer need.

Recognizing the difference between a collector and a hoarder is crucial because hoarding disorder comes with deep emotional struggles. Many hoarders experience intense anxiety at the thought of letting go, often stemming from a fear of loss or a need to maintain control. Let's explore practical ways to regain control over your space and your life. By understanding the roots of hoarding, we can find effective ways to take the first step towards a healthier, more organized living environment.

What is hoarding disorder?

Hoarding disorder is not simply about being a “packrat” or overly sentimental about your belongings. It's a complex mental health condition that goes much deeper than just having a messy house. People with hoarding disorder struggle with a persistent difficulty discarding items, regardless of their actual value. This intense attachment leads to excessive clutter that takes over living spaces, making them nearly or completely unusable. But at its core, hoarding is not about laziness or lack of discipline—it's about fear, anxiety, and an overwhelming need for control.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, hoarding disorder was officially recognized as a distinct diagnosis in 2013. Unlike people who enjoy collecting items that bring them joy, hoarders often experience immense distress when faced with the idea of discarding something. It's almost like each item becomes an extension of themselves. They might believe that getting rid of an object will cause them to lose an important part of their life or identity. Dr. David F. Tolin, a leading expert on hoarding, emphasizes that “the core issue is not about the stuff; it's about what the stuff represents to the person.”

Understanding animal hoarding

Animal hoarding is a particularly heartbreaking subset of hoarding disorder. This occurs when individuals accumulate an excessive number of pets, far beyond their ability to care for them properly. While these individuals often genuinely love their animals, they fail to see how their behavior is harming the very creatures they adore. Sadly, animal hoarding can lead to unsanitary and dangerous conditions for both the hoarder and their pets.

In cases of animal hoarding, there is usually a strong emotional attachment to the animals, which makes parting with them feel unbearable. But unlike hoarding inanimate objects, animal hoarding puts living beings at risk. For example, many hoarders believe they are saving animals, not realizing that they are actually causing more suffering due to overcrowded, unhealthy environments. This behavior often stems from trauma, a need for companionship, or even an underlying obsessive-compulsive tendency to “rescue” animals, even when it's beyond their capacity.

The dangers of hoarding

Hoarding can be far more than just an inconvenience—it can pose serious risks to physical health and safety. As piles of belongings accumulate, homes can become difficult to navigate, increasing the risk of falls, injuries, and even fires. In extreme cases, the clutter can grow so severe that emergency responders cannot access the home, turning what might have been a manageable situation into a life-threatening one. Imagine trying to escape a fire when every hallway is blocked with stacks of old newspapers or broken appliances.

Beyond the physical dangers, hoarding disorder also takes a profound toll on mental health. It often leads to social isolation, as individuals become ashamed of their living conditions. This shame can deepen feelings of loneliness and depression, creating a vicious cycle where hoarders retreat further into their clutter. The anxiety associated with hoarding disorder can also strain relationships with family members who may feel helpless, frustrated, or resentful.

Symptoms and causes of hoarding disorder

Hoarding disorder doesn't develop overnight. It usually starts in adolescence or early adulthood and worsens over time. By the time someone reaches middle age, the disorder may have become a severe issue. But what drives a person to hoard in the first place? The answer is often rooted in anxiety, depression, or trauma. For many, hoarding is a way to cope with overwhelming feelings or a perceived lack of control in their lives. Holding onto items becomes a form of emotional security, a way to stave off the fear of losing something valuable—even if that “something” is objectively worthless.

Common symptoms of hoarding disorder

Hoarding disorder symptoms can vary, but they generally revolve around an inability to part with items. The thought of throwing away, donating, or even organizing possessions can trigger intense feelings of anxiety or distress. For someone with hoarding disorder, every item—no matter how trivial—feels essential. These individuals may find themselves thinking, "What if I need this later?" or "This could be useful someday." The result? Their homes fill up with things that are never used.

Often, these items pile up until there's no longer any clear path to walk through a room. Some hoarders feel a constant need to acquire new things, even if they already have similar items or have no practical use for them. Over time, this behavior leads to clutter so extreme that it interferes with daily life. For instance, countertops may become buried under piles of papers, or beds may be used for storage instead of sleeping. It's not just about the “stuff”; it's about the deep-seated emotional turmoil that the clutter represents.

Hoarding disorder vs. OCD

Hoarding disorder is often confused with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) since both conditions can involve obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. However, the two are distinct. In OCD, individuals may feel compelled to perform repetitive behaviors (like washing hands) to reduce anxiety related to intrusive thoughts. But in hoarding disorder, the anxiety centers around the idea of discarding possessions.

While OCD sufferers usually recognize that their behaviors are irrational, those with hoarding disorder often don't see their collecting as problematic. The objects they cling to provide a sense of safety and security, making it extremely difficult to part with them. This difference is crucial because treatment strategies for hoarding disorder must specifically target the emotional attachment to possessions, rather than just the behavior of accumulating clutter. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) tailored to hoarding has proven effective in helping patients slowly confront their fears of letting go.

Self-help: Deciding to make a change

If you or someone you care about struggles with hoarding, know that the journey to change doesn't have to happen overnight. The first—and perhaps hardest—step is recognizing the problem and deciding that you want to change. This isn't just about clearing your home; it's about reclaiming control over your life. Take a moment to envision what it would feel like to walk through your home without tripping over piles of stuff, to invite friends over without feeling embarrassed. This vision can serve as motivation to start the process.

But let's be honest: facing the clutter can feel daunting. That's why it's important to start small. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to tackle everything at once. Pick a small area, like a kitchen drawer or a corner of your bedroom, and work from there. As you gain confidence, you'll find that the process gets easier. Celebrate your progress—each cleared surface is a step towards a freer, more organized life.

Tip 1: Clear and organize your home

When it comes to hoarding help, the thought of clearing out an entire home can feel like an impossible task. The idea of letting go of your possessions, even if they're buried under years of clutter, can trigger a deep sense of loss. But the process of clearing and organizing doesn't have to be overwhelming. The trick is to start where you can actually see progress. This gives you the psychological boost needed to keep going.

Begin with areas you use the most, like your kitchen or bathroom. These spaces will have an immediate impact on your daily life, making you feel a tangible sense of relief. The goal isn't to purge everything overnight but to create a space that feels more livable and less chaotic. Remember: it's not about getting rid of memories; it's about making room for new ones.

Start small—and build confidence

Sometimes, the hardest part is just getting started. You might feel paralyzed by the sheer volume of items to go through. That's why it's crucial to begin with something small. Choose a single drawer, a countertop, or even just one pile of papers. The key is to experience a quick win. When you see a cleared space, you'll feel a rush of accomplishment that can motivate you to tackle another area.

Think of it like flexing a muscle you haven't used in a while. The more you declutter, the stronger your confidence grows. This confidence helps shift your mindset from "I can't do this" to "I'm making progress." Every small victory counts. And remember, it's okay to take breaks and step back when you start feeling overwhelmed.

Sample fear ladder for hoarding

Creating a "fear ladder" can be incredibly useful for those looking for help with hoarding disorder. This technique comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and involves listing out tasks that cause anxiety in order of difficulty. Start with something that causes only mild discomfort, like discarding expired food or junk mail. Then, as you gain confidence, you can work your way up to more challenging tasks, such as letting go of old clothing or sentimental items.

Here's a quick example of a fear ladder:

• 1. Throw away expired food items.
• 2. Recycle old magazines and newspapers.
• 3. Donate clothes that no longer fit.
• 4. Clear out a box of sentimental knick-knacks.
• 5. Tackle a closet or a storage room.

By tackling these tasks in order, you gradually desensitize yourself to the anxiety associated with decluttering, making it easier to handle more significant challenges as you go along.

Pace yourself—take it step by step

Decluttering is a marathon, not a sprint. If you try to tackle everything in one go, you risk burnout. That's why it's so important to pace yourself. Set a timer for 20-30 minutes and focus on one area. When the timer goes off, take a break. Reward yourself with something relaxing—like a cup of tea or a favorite show. This approach prevents you from feeling overwhelmed and helps you sustain your energy.

Also, recognize that setbacks will happen. You might find yourself holding onto something that you can't let go of just yet. That's okay. Progress isn't always linear, and giving yourself grace is a crucial part of the journey. The goal here is consistency, not perfection.

Tip 2: Strengthen your decision-making skills

One of the biggest challenges in overcoming hoarding disorder is improving decision-making. For many hoarders, making decisions about what to keep and what to let go of feels paralyzing. This indecisiveness often comes from the fear of making the wrong choice. You might think, "What if I need this someday?" or "This has to be worth something." But, the reality is, keeping everything just in case ends up costing more in the long run—both in space and peace of mind.

Start practicing your decision-making skills with low-stakes items. For example, go through your kitchen and toss expired spices or broken utensils. The goal here is to exercise that mental muscle. As you practice making these smaller decisions, it becomes easier to tackle the harder ones. Remember, every decision to discard an item is a step toward a healthier, more organized life.

Explore digital alternatives to reduce clutter

For many people struggling with hoarding disorder, the idea of getting rid of papers, photos, or sentimental items feels like losing pieces of themselves. However, we live in an age where technology can provide a solution that doesn't involve parting with memories. Consider going digital. Scanning important documents or taking high-quality photos of cherished mementos can allow you to let go of the physical clutter while still preserving the sentimental value.

Think about it: a digital archive takes up no physical space, yet it can hold thousands of photos, receipts, or even old letters. Freeing up that room in your home can also open up space in your mind. Start small by digitizing a single drawer or box of items and see how it feels. You might be surprised at the sense of relief that comes with knowing those memories are safely stored and easy to access whenever you want.

There are apps and cloud storage solutions designed to help organize your digital files, making the process even easier. Not only does this free up physical space, but it also reduces the anxiety of misplacing important documents. Once you get the hang of it, you may find that keeping digital records becomes second nature—allowing you to maintain a clutter-free home without losing what matters to you.

Tip 3: Cope with discomfort during decluttering

Decluttering isn't just about clearing space in your home; it's also about managing the emotional discomfort that comes with letting go. If you've ever tried to get rid of a pile of old clothes or a stack of magazines, you might have noticed a knot forming in your stomach. That's your brain sending out distress signals, making the process feel almost physically painful. But here's the good news: you can learn to cope with this discomfort.

The goal isn't to eliminate the discomfort entirely—that's unrealistic. Instead, it's about learning to tolerate those uncomfortable feelings without letting them dictate your actions. This is where strategies like “urge surfing” and mindfulness come into play. By developing these skills, you can face the emotional hurdles of decluttering without being overwhelmed.

Urge surfing: 3-step technique

Urge surfing is a concept borrowed from mindfulness-based therapies and can be a game-changer in your journey to overcome hoarding disorder. The idea is simple: when you feel the urge to hold onto something or to stop decluttering because it feels too hard, you “surf” the urge rather than letting it control you.

1. Notice the urge: Acknowledge the feeling as it arises. For example, you might notice a tightness in your chest or a voice in your head saying, “But I might need this!”
2. Observe it without reacting: Imagine the urge as a wave. It may peak, but it will eventually pass if you don't act on it. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort without giving in.
3. Let it fade: Like a wave receding back into the ocean, the urge will eventually diminish if you don't feed into it. Take deep breaths and remind yourself that this feeling is temporary.

Urge surfing helps you develop resilience. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to face those moments of intense anxiety without giving in to the need to keep everything.

Incorporate mindfulness to ease anxiety

Mindfulness is another powerful tool to help you cope with the emotional struggles tied to hoarding disorder. It's about staying present and fully engaging with the current moment, rather than getting lost in fears about the past or future. When you're decluttering, it's easy to get overwhelmed thinking about all the items you still have to sort through or what might happen if you let go of something you might need later. But by practicing mindfulness, you can focus on the task at hand without being distracted by those intrusive thoughts.

Try a simple mindfulness exercise: Before you start decluttering, take a few moments to breathe deeply. Focus on the feeling of the air entering your lungs, the sensation of your feet on the ground. As you work, if you notice your mind starting to spiral into anxiety, gently bring your focus back to your breath. It's a way of grounding yourself, so the emotional intensity doesn't take over.

Even just five minutes of mindfulness practice before you start can set a positive tone for your decluttering session. Over time, this can transform how you approach not just decluttering, but other areas of your life where anxiety tends to take over.

Tip 4: Identify triggers that lead to hoarding

We all have triggers—those moments or experiences that make us feel the urge to hold onto things. For some, it's an emotional event, like the loss of a loved one. For others, it could be something as simple as walking through a thrift store and spotting a bargain. Understanding your triggers is essential if you want to break free from the cycle of hoarding.

One of the most effective ways to identify your triggers is to keep a journal. The next time you find yourself acquiring items you don't need, write down what was happening just before the urge hit. Were you feeling anxious? Bored? Lonely? By recognizing the emotional patterns, you can start to make different choices when those feelings arise.

For example, if you notice that stress often leads to shopping sprees, you can create a plan for healthier ways to cope, like going for a walk, calling a friend, or practicing deep breathing. Once you understand what sets off your hoarding behavior, you can take steps to counteract those triggers before they spiral out of control. Remember: awareness is the first step towards meaningful change.

Tip 5: Reach out for support

No one should have to face the challenge of overcoming hoarding disorder alone. Reaching out for support is a crucial step that can make all the difference in your journey toward healing. Sometimes, the hardest part is admitting that you need help. But here's the truth: support is not a sign of weakness—it's a tool that helps you move forward. It's okay to lean on others.

Consider confiding in a trusted friend or family member who can provide encouragement and practical assistance. Having someone by your side can reduce the feelings of isolation that often accompany hoarding. These loved ones can also offer a fresh perspective, helping you see the progress you might be too overwhelmed to notice. However, it's essential to find someone who is patient and non-judgmental. The last thing you need is more pressure or criticism.

In addition to personal support, professional help is often necessary. Therapists who specialize in hoarding disorder can guide you through the emotional and practical challenges of letting go. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has shown great success in helping people manage the underlying anxiety and compulsions associated with hoarding. Don't hesitate to seek out a mental health professional who understands the complexities of hoarding—sometimes, a little guidance can be the push you need to get started.

Support groups can also be a lifeline. Sharing your experiences with others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly validating. Many communities offer in-person and online support groups for hoarders. These spaces provide a safe, judgment-free environment where you can exchange strategies, celebrate small victories, and find comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Remember, reaching out for support doesn't mean you're giving up control. In fact, it's the opposite. By seeking help, you're taking proactive steps to regain control over your life and your space. Progress is much easier when you don't have to go it alone.

Recommended Resources

• Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things by Randy O. Frost & Gail Steketee – An insightful exploration of the emotional and psychological roots of hoarding disorder, packed with real-life stories and practical advice.
• Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding by David F. Tolin, Randy O. Frost, and Gail Steketee – A self-help guide that offers a step-by-step approach to tackling hoarding behaviors, complete with worksheets and exercises.
• Digging Out: Helping Your Loved One Manage Clutter, Hoarding, and Compulsive Acquiring by Michael A. Tompkins and Tamara L. Hartl – A compassionate guide for family members and friends who want to support a loved one struggling with hoarding.