Love and marriage are two of life’s most sacred pillars that should go hand-in-hand. We’ve all heard the phrase “marry for love,” and it’s a beautiful sentiment. But what happens when you find yourself loving someone else, but you don’t quite feel like marriage is in the cards?
Maybe your families are pressuring you to marry someone of their choosing. Perhaps, you’re getting older and want to secure the stability of a lifelong companion. Or maybe you’re just not feeling it with the person you’ve been seeing and need to consider other options.
No matter the situation, it’s important to understand how to handle the decision process of marrying someone you don’t love. It’s never easy to cull between what’s best for your own happiness versus meeting the expectations of others, especially when it comes to relationships of the heart.
First things first, if you haven’t already, come to grips with the idea of marrying for convenience, and accept that your decision process will not be plain sailing for everybody involved. This can mean having to let go of ideals that you have been conditioned to believe about the sanctity of marriage and love. As such, it’s essential to remember that part of life’s beauty lies in perspective. Without judgment and too much societal influence, it’s possible to find a balance between a structure of convenience and allowing some room for romance.
When it doesn’t hurt to do so, consult with your partner. Have an honest and frank discussion about the future and whether or not it consists of marriage. A true marriage has as much to do with mutual understanding and respect as it does with love. There needs to be something there, in order for it to be worthwhile, even if “love” isn’t one of the cards laid out on the board.
Additionally, don’t be afraid to look inward when it comes to deciding whether or not you want to share your life with someone you don’t love. What are your anxieties? Is there something holding you back, that you’re yet to recognize within yourself? If you want to make the commitment and move forward, making an effort to discover and confront these anxieties may help speed up the decision-making process.
The hard truth is that sometimes marrying for love is an unrealistic and unachievable dream. But that doesn’t mean you should feel guilty or ashamed. Life can be complicated, and pragmatism can sometimes be the answer. And if you do choose to go down the route of marrying for convenience, don’t allow the expectations of others to dictate your future together. There is potential for beautiful friendships to be forged and for passions to ignite, but only under the right conditions. Allowing your relationship to develop gradually and healthily is key.
Knowing how to decide to marry someone you don’t love can seem near impossible, but if expectations are managed correctly, the outcome can be a beautiful thing. Honesty and trust between both parties must remain strong, and it’s important to remember to not fall into the comparison trap with other marriages, as no two are ever the same. Yours is entirely unique, and with evolution and growth, can become its own beautiful story.
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