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  • Steven Robinson
    Steven Robinson

    How do you deal with feelings of loneliness in a marriage?

    Words fail when attempting to describe the feeling of loneliness within a marriage, beseeching and begging for something more beyond one's own capacity as an individual. Despite being in a relationship with somebody, no matter how deeply your love may run, it is still possible to feel disconnected and alone.

    If your marriage has suddenly resulted in a feeling of lonesomeness, it can be the most devastating thing you’ve ever experienced. The lack of connection and affinity with your partner can cause you to feel overwhelmed, helpless and scared. But, allowing this feeling to grow and become part of the fabric of your relationship is unhealthy and damaging. If you find yourself in this situation, shine the light on it and battle this emotion that is wrecking your life.

    The first step in managing loneliness in your marriage is understanding why you may be experiencing it. Is it due to a distance between you and your partner or is it coming from inside you? It could be due to expectations not met from either side, or inconsistency in how you both interact with each other.

    Perhaps you are only engaged in superficial conversations with no meaningful dialogue. Unless you figure out where the lack of depth and communication is coming from, addressing these feelings of loneliness will prove to be a challenge.

    Couples counseling can be an effective way to uncover why you both may be feeling detached and alone, with a professional providing support throughout the process. Often, couples need assistance from an outside perspectiv e to work through issues of hurt, control and dysfunction in order to strengthen the bond again. Investing in counseling can also provide the space you both need to listen to each other, in order to understand why you have been feeling so disconnected.

    The second tactic is by giving yourself permission to grieve the loss of connection. Acknowledging that feelings of estrangement are normal in any relationship can help you to take comfort in the knowledge that it is a shared experience. Allow yourself to feel through these emotions so you can then move past them.

    Though loneliness can be a challenge to overcome, try to focus on switching up your routine so you can start developing intimacy with your partner again. This can include going on date nights, having meals together, attending a class or exercise group, exploring new hobbies or taking vacations together. Attending events as a couple or joining friends can also help to increase your bond.

    Show a willingness to compromise and compromise together as a couple. Express genuine care and appreciation for what your partner does and spend quality time simply listening to each other. Try to make sure you both have positive interactions throughout the day, and don't forget to show daily acts of kindness.

    Most importantly, attempt to set realistic expectations of your marriage, one another and yourself so that you can be sure those categories are being achieved. Relinquish any unhealthy or toxic ideas of "the perfect marriage" and strive for a healthier, more well-rounded sense of what being married means.

    Try your best to rewrite the idea of your marriage, in ways that fit for both of you and make room for times when one may feel alone. Creating options that don't involve wallowing in loneliness but involve relying on your partner for strength and solace.

    It can be easier said than done to tackle the disconcertedness of loneliness in a marriage. A great deal of effort is necessary and warranted if you should wish to stay together. With the right frame of mind, heart and intention, you too can fight against becoming lost and estranged, and confidently battle through the shadows of loneliness in your marriage.

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    Really good article, which resonates with how I’m feeling right now. I’m sure my wife is too. I’m trying to understand how she’s feeling and want to explore further. I just hope it’s not too late.

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