Trying to Understand Bisexuality After a Breakup

When we enter a relationship, one of the first things we do is learn more about our partner. We learn their history, what makes them happy or upset, and eventually establish our place in their life. These initial conversations allow us to form a bond with our special someone and figure out who we are as a team.

However, when that relationship ends, it can be difficult to process the sudden change in our lives. We may feel like something was missing or that we weren’t good enough for them – and if we learn something startling about our ex-partner, these feelings may become even more intense.

Such was the case for John, who had just gone through a bitter breakup with his longtime girlfriend, Jenny. He knew she had gone out with someone else, but he was still having difficulty coming to terms with it when Jenny revealed that she was bisexual. This disclosure left him feeling overwhelmed, confused and unsure how to react.

John had never had any experiences around bisexuality before and it stirred up a lot of emotion for him. He immediately felt hurt, embarrassed and uninformed. He wondered why she hadn’t told him before, and began to worry if he was enough for her. He felt like he should have seen the signs and been able to anticipate this news, but was ashamed to have missed them.

As John started to process these feelings and think more deeply about Jenny’s revelations, he slowly realized that nothing was necessarily wrong with his relationship with Jenny or with himself. Jenny’s identity and choice of partners is her business and doesn’t necessarily reflect on the success of their relationship. He also discovered that there is no need to view his own orientation as an explanation for their breakup – either he or Jenny could have ended the relationship regardless of sexual orientation.

John also reached out to resources, friends and family in order to further understand Jenny’s revelation. In discovering more about bisexuality and its many forms, he found solace and insight into his current emotional state. One of the most important lessons he learned was that coming to terms with newfound knowledge takes time and that his emotions surrounding the idea are valid and normal.

John came to learn that being confused and concerned about his ex-girlfriend’s disclosure of being bisexual is understandable and not an indictment of himself as a person nor his past relationship with her. Becoming informed on the topic of bisexuality, seeking support from people he trusted, and taking some time to process his feelings are all ways that he can adjust to his new awareness and how it affects him in his everyday life. He may never understand why things ended the way they did and that doesn’t need to get in the way of how he views his former partner and her identity.

In the end, John gained strength and understanding thanks to his willingness to face his confusion and seek out resources to help him make sense of it. He realized that ultimately, it was his own perception of his self-worth that mattered most and that he didn't need to be defined by his ex-girlfriend’s decisions. He might never understand why Jenny chose to reveal her bisexuality and why the relationship didn’t work out, but John was able to gain clarity on his own identity while recognizing Jenny’s right to the same.