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    Olivia Sanders

    Do Married Men Miss Their Mistresses? (10 Surprising Insights)

    In a society where monogamy is predominantly the accepted form of romantic relationship, there's an unspoken curiosity surrounding the enigma of extramarital affairs. More specifically, the question that often sparks a fair bit of intrigue is, 'Do married men actually miss their mistresses?' The dynamics involved in such a relationship are undoubtedly complex, layered, and heavily intertwined with the human psyche.

    Any attempt to unravel this intricate web demands a thorough exploration of the various facets of human emotions, societal norms, and the reasons that drive individuals towards extramarital relationships. It is essential to understand that this article isn't promoting infidelity but seeks to provide a comprehensive insight into the psychological processes that might make a married man miss his mistress.

    Firstly, it's important to note that every individual and relationship is unique, and generalizations should be viewed with skepticism. People enter and exit relationships for a multitude of reasons, often personal, and sometimes circumstantial. Understanding this complexity is the first step towards comprehending the inner workings of the relationship between a married man and his mistress.

    Human emotions aren't binary; they exist on a spectrum and are influenced by a multitude of factors. So, when a man engages in an affair outside of his marriage, there are several potential psychological drivers at play. It could be the search for an emotional connection that's lacking in their marriage, the desire for novelty and excitement, or the evasion of personal or marital issues.

    Infidelity is often a symptom of deeper issues, either within the individual or the marital relationship itself. It's rarely a matter of mere physical attraction, although that is often the most visible component. Emotional attachments can, and often do, develop within these relationships, leading to a concoction of emotions that may indeed make a married man miss his mistress when she's not around.

    Despite societal norms that emphasize monogamy, a substantial number of men (and women) have affairs. According to a study from the Institute for Family Studies, about 16% of people have cheated on their spouse — and this is just the reported number. However, when it comes to feelings of longing and missing their mistresses, it's a psychological battlefield filled with guilt, passion, conflict, and confusion.

    While the moral and ethical aspects of such relationships are subjects of extensive debates, this article will primarily focus on the psychological dimension of this perplexing question: Do married men really miss their mistresses?

    Understanding the Psychology

    Psychological factors heavily influence the emotions a man experiences in an extramarital relationship. The thrill of the clandestine, the novelty of a new person, and the perceived lack of judgment can all contribute to the intensity of the connection. This intensity might make a man miss his mistress.

    It's also important to acknowledge the role of ego and self-esteem in these relationships. An affair can offer validation and a boost to self-esteem. In some instances, the mistress might provide admiration and emotional support that a man feels is missing from his marriage.

    Moreover, affairs are typically free of the mundane aspects of long-term relationships. They're often exciting, passionate, and uncomplicated by daily responsibilities or disputes about chores and children. This 'honeymoon' aspect of the relationship can contribute to a man developing strong feelings for his mistress.

    Understanding the psychology behind the relationship between a married man and his mistress is also incomplete without discussing the theory of evolutionary psychology. Some argue that men are naturally polygamous, driven by an evolutionary urge to 'spread their seed'. While this theory is contentious and overly simplistic, it does bring an interesting perspective to the conversation.

    The cognitive dissonance theory is another psychological concept that might explain why a married man misses his mistress. In this case, the married man experiences discomfort due to conflicting beliefs and behaviors – he is in a committed relationship, yet also has a mistress. To resolve this cognitive dissonance, he might convince himself that he genuinely misses his mistress, thereby justifying his actions.

    The Emotional Roller Coaster and the Path Forward

    When the clandestine affair becomes an emotional whirlpool, the experience can be equally agonizing and thrilling for the man. There's guilt, often remorse, and the constant stress of leading a 'double life.' Yet, these negative feelings can be contrasted with moments of intense joy, passion, and a sense of freedom that might not be present in the man's marital relationship.

    Does this emotional roller coaster mean that all men miss their mistresses? Not necessarily. While some men may miss their mistresses, others may feel relief and liberation when the affair ends, especially if it was causing significant stress or emotional turmoil. Furthermore, the degree to which a man might miss his mistress often depends on the reasons that led him to the affair in the first place.

    The path forward is often as complex as the relationship itself. Marriage and family therapists generally recommend open communication, counseling, and introspection to those dealing with the aftermath of an affair. Confronting the reasons that led to the affair and working on those issues can often help prevent future infidelity.

    Understanding why married men might miss their mistresses is not about endorsing or encouraging infidelity. Instead, it is about gaining insights into human emotions and behaviors, and using this understanding to promote healthier relationships and more honest communication between partners.

    10 Surprising Insights about Married Men Missing Their Mistresses

    1. Variety of Reasons: in extramarital relationships for a variety of reasons, not just physical attraction. Emotional connection, thrill of novelty, and evasion of personal issues also play significant roles.

    2. Seeking Validation: serve as an ego boost for some men, offering validation that they might feel is lacking in their marriage.

    3. Emotional Attachments: extra-marital, emotional attachments can develop in these relationships, often leading to feelings of missing the mistress when she's not around.

    4. The Thrill of Clandestine: and forbidden nature of the affair can enhance the excitement and emotional intensity, leading to stronger feelings of longing in the absence of the mistress.

    5. The 'Honeymoon' Aspect: typically free of everyday mundanities or marital responsibilities, which often makes them seem more exciting and desirable.

    6. Evolutionary Psychology: suggest men's infidelity could be driven by evolutionary urges. However, these theories remain a subject of debate.

    7. Cognitive Dissonance: convince themselves they miss their mistress as a way to resolve the cognitive dissonance experienced due to their conflicting beliefs and actions.

    8. Emotional Turmoil: can lead to an emotional roller coaster, with feelings of guilt and remorse contrasting with joy, passion, and freedom.

    9. Relief Post Affair: men miss their mistresses. Some might experience relief when the affair ends, especially if it was causing significant stress or emotional conflict.

    10. Open Communication: issues that led to the affair and working on them through open communication can often help prevent future infidelity.

    While these insights do shed light on the psychology behind why some married men might miss their mistresses, they in no way condone or encourage infidelity. They're intended to promote understanding and encourage healthier communication in relationships.


    1. Munsch, Christin L. Her support, his support: Money, masculinity, and marital infidelity. American Sociological Review 80.3 (2015): 469-495.
    2. Mark KP, Janssen E, Milhausen RR. Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 2011 Oct;40(5):971-82. doi: 10.1007/s10508-011-9771-z.
    3. Conley TD, Moors AC, Matsick JL, Ziegler A. The fewer the merrier?: Assessing stigma surrounding non-normative romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy. 2012 Dec;12(1):1-30.

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