6 Signs He's Cheating During Pregnancy (And Why)

Key Takeaways:

• Cheating often has psychological roots
• Signs can be subtle but telling
• Communication can help prevent infidelity
• Understanding why it happens is crucial
• Working as a team builds strength

Pregnancy can be one of the most beautiful yet vulnerable times in our lives. While expecting a child should be a bonding experience, the reality is that some relationships face unexpected strain. The question of whether infidelity occurs more often during pregnancy isn't just a fear—it's a lived experience for many. As painful as it is to consider, understanding the reasons and recognizing the signs can help us take action to protect our emotional and mental well-being.

Infidelity during pregnancy, whether suspected or confirmed, brings a unique set of challenges. Experts, like renowned relationship therapist Esther Perel, often emphasize that “infidelity isn't always about sex, but about desire: the desire for attention, validation, and feeling alive.” In moments of crisis, like pregnancy, many unresolved issues resurface, sometimes manifesting in behavior that hurts the ones we love the most. Understanding these psychological underpinnings can offer clarity in a time filled with so much uncertainty.

How common is cheating during pregnancy?

It's not easy to talk about, but cheating during pregnancy is more common than many of us think. When we imagine the perfect pregnancy, we think of shared excitement, preparation, and connection. Yet, for some, this time brings distance and betrayal.

According to research, the exact percentage of infidelity during pregnancy varies. Some studies suggest it happens in about 10-15% of relationships, though these figures could be underreported. The pain of infidelity feels magnified when pregnancy is involved because of the emotional and physical vulnerability we experience. The very notion that infidelity might occur during a time of growth and change challenges our sense of safety and trust.

So why does it happen? Pregnancy isn't just about the birth of a baby; it can also be a time when relationship dynamics shift dramatically. Hormones, new responsibilities, and the anticipation of becoming parents can change everything. Some men struggle with the reality of impending fatherhood, while others feel emotionally disconnected. These struggles don't justify betrayal, but understanding the reasons helps us address the deeper issues.

6 Signs that men are cheating on their pregnant partners

Our intuition often speaks to us before we consciously notice signs of infidelity. Pregnancy heightens our awareness, and even subtle changes in behavior become glaring red flags. If you feel something isn't right, it's worth looking at the patterns.

1. Sudden change in attitude towards you

One of the first signs may be a sudden and unexplained change in his attitude. Maybe he was attentive and sweet, but now he's grown cold or distant. This isn't just about having a bad day; it's a shift that feels like he's actively pulling away. You might sense a lack of patience, irritation over minor things, or even moments of silent treatment.

John Gottman, a well-known psychologist and marriage expert, highlights the concept of “emotional withdrawal” as an indicator of deeper issues. If he's emotionally checked out, something significant might be causing this change.

2. They seem less involved

Pregnancy brings countless decisions and moments to share. If your partner used to be involved—asking questions, planning together, and showing interest in every baby detail—but now seems uninterested, take note. Maybe he stops asking how your doctor's visits went or shows little interest in baby preparations.

This disengagement isn't just physical; it's emotional, too. He might not be as eager to feel the baby's kicks or talk about the future. While stress and fear can contribute to his distance, it's also possible he's emotionally investing elsewhere.

3. Missing appointments or key events

One major red flag is when he starts missing important pregnancy-related appointments or events. These moments are not just about medical checkups but also about shared milestones—like hearing the baby's heartbeat or discussing birth plans. If he used to be present and suddenly becomes “too busy” or forgetful, this could be a sign.

Imagine sitting in a doctor's office alone, the anticipation turning into anxiety as the clock ticks. It's not just the absence that hurts; it's the feeling that his priorities may have shifted elsewhere. This consistent pattern of absence sends a message that something deeper could be at play.

4. Excuses for almost everything

Have you noticed an increase in excuses for everything, from work obligations to last-minute plans with friends? It's not unusual for life to throw unexpected hurdles, but if he's constantly coming up with reasons that seem fabricated or over-the-top, it may indicate dishonesty.

Listen to the quality of the excuses. If they sound rehearsed or overly defensive, it's time to ask questions. Psychologically, over-explaining is often a telltale sign of guilt. It's as though he's trying too hard to cover something up, and his justifications feel flimsy or inconsistent.

5. Increased spending with no explanation

Another suspicious behavior? Unexplained spending. Suddenly, his bank account shows transactions for fancy dinners, gifts, or frequent out-of-town trips, but there's no clear reason. If your finances have been open and you start noticing irregularities, trust your instincts.

Sometimes, the spending patterns aren't even big but frequent. Maybe it's weekly outings he never mentions or unexplained charges that add up over time. Financial infidelity can be an early warning that there's more going on beneath the surface. You deserve to know where his money—and possibly his attention—is going.

6. Irritability and defensive behavior

Emotional changes can be hard to pinpoint, but when irritability and defensive behavior start to dominate, it's a serious concern. If he becomes snappy over minor questions or defensive when you ask simple things about his day, there's likely something deeper going on. This behavior may be a subconscious way of protecting secrets.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, defensiveness is often a way to guard against feelings of guilt. If he's quick to accuse you of being controlling or paranoid, this might be an attempt to shift the blame and avoid answering tough questions. Recognize these patterns and consider having a heart-to-heart conversation about what's really happening.

4 reasons why men cheat during pregnancy

It's difficult to hear, but understanding why some men stray during pregnancy can be crucial. Infidelity during this vulnerable time isn't always driven by a simple desire for physical satisfaction. Often, deeper emotional or psychological factors come into play, and while they don't excuse the behavior, they help make sense of an otherwise senseless act. Let's dive into some of the underlying reasons.

1. Feelings of neglect

Pregnancy transforms a woman's focus, and it's only natural. Growing a life inside of you is demanding, both physically and emotionally. However, some men feel pushed aside or unimportant as the baby becomes the center of attention. These feelings of neglect can create resentment or drive them to seek validation and attention elsewhere.

We can't ignore that feeling unloved or unappreciated hurts, but the mature response would be to communicate. Unfortunately, some men choose the path of least resistance, which can lead to infidelity. Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr., author of “His Needs, Her Needs,” emphasizes the need for both partners to feel cherished and desired, even during challenging times like pregnancy.

2. Difficulty handling mood swings

Mood swings during pregnancy are real—and they're tough. Hormonal changes can bring on tears, laughter, and anger, sometimes all within an hour. It's exhausting for both partners. Some men, particularly those who struggle with emotional intelligence, find these mood swings overwhelming.

Instead of supporting their pregnant partner, they may seek solace in someone who feels “easier” to deal with emotionally. This doesn't justify their actions, but understanding their lack of coping mechanisms can shed light on the problem. Instead of confronting the challenges, they may look for escape, ultimately damaging the relationship further.

3. Fear of fatherhood

The idea of becoming a father can bring up many emotions: excitement, joy, but also fear and anxiety. The weight of future responsibilities can feel crushing. Some men, especially those who doubt their ability to be a good father or provider, may try to avoid these feelings altogether.

In trying to avoid this fear, they might act recklessly. This avoidance could lead to cheating as a means to escape reality. It's easier to ignore the impending changes if they're focusing on something—someone—who makes them feel free from responsibility, even if just temporarily.

4. Reduced sexual intimacy

Physical intimacy often changes during pregnancy. Hormones, discomfort, and fatigue can lead to less frequent or different kinds of sexual connection. While some couples find ways to adapt, others struggle. If he equates physical closeness with love and validation, this reduction may lead him to feel unloved.

This reason is particularly painful, as pregnancy often leaves women feeling vulnerable about their bodies. The last thing anyone wants to hear is that their partner seeks sexual gratification elsewhere because of pregnancy-related changes. Still, understanding this insecurity can help address it together. Finding new ways to connect physically, even if it's not sexual, can be an essential step.

3 ways to prevent cheating while pregnant

While nothing guarantees fidelity, there are steps we can take to strengthen our relationship during pregnancy. Being proactive about your bond can make a huge difference. This isn't just about preventing infidelity but about building a resilient and loving partnership that can weather any storm. Here's how we can do that.

1. Keep communication open

Talking to each other, even about the tough stuff, matters. We need to feel heard and understood, especially during pregnancy. Discuss your fears, your dreams, and even your insecurities. Encourage him to share his thoughts, even if they're difficult to hear. Open communication fosters connection, which can be the foundation you both need.

Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, emphasizes that open dialogue helps partners feel safe and connected. It's about creating a secure emotional bond, where both of you can express what you're going through without fear of judgment. Honest conversations can heal and fortify your relationship.

2. Prioritize quality time together

Life gets busy. Add pregnancy into the mix, and you're dealing with doctor appointments, work stress, and all the emotional preparation that comes with expecting a baby. But don't let the hustle pull you apart. Making time for each other is essential, even if it's just a short walk in the park or a movie night at home.

Quality time doesn't have to be extravagant. Simple acts like having breakfast together, cuddling on the couch, or sharing a hobby can keep your connection strong. The key is being intentional and fully present, so those moments feel meaningful. Make him feel like a priority, and don't forget to remind yourself that you deserve the same from him.

3. Face challenges as a team

Pregnancy brings obstacles. From unexpected health scares to disagreements about parenting styles, challenges will arise. It's crucial to approach these hurdles together. Instead of seeing each other as opponents, become a united front. Reassure each other that you're in this together, no matter what.

Problem-solving as a couple means acknowledging each other's fears and vulnerabilities. Hold hands, take deep breaths, and tackle each issue side by side. You'll feel stronger and more connected, and you'll be laying the groundwork for co-parenting in the future. Remind yourselves that you're building a family, and your bond is worth the effort.

Final words

Pregnancy can be beautiful and terrifying all at once. The changes it brings are profound and transformative. Infidelity is never easy to confront, but focusing on communication, quality time, and teamwork can be game changers. Every relationship has its cracks, but with care, those cracks don't have to break you apart. Cherish each other, listen, and be kind. This season of life may test you, but it can also bring you closer than ever before.

Recommended Resources

• “Hold Me Tight” by Dr. Sue Johnson – A guide to building lasting emotional bonds and understanding each other's emotional needs.
• “His Needs, Her Needs” by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr. – Insights into how to make marriage work by meeting each other's needs.
• “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by Dr. John Gottman – Practical advice on strengthening marriage and navigating challenges.