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  • Natalie Garcia
    Natalie Garcia

    15 Rules When Hanging Out With a Friend

    Understanding the Basics: What Does "Hanging Out" Really Mean?

    When we say "hanging out with a friend," what do we truly mean? To some, it's a casual coffee meet-up, while to others, it's an hours-long chat on a park bench. Understanding the basic concept is crucial. According to Dr. Sarah Thompson, a renowned sociologist, hanging out is "a relaxed social interaction devoid of formalities and set expectations."

    Many assume it's a simple task, but there's more to it than meets the eye. We all want our hangouts to be fun, memorable, and free from awkwardness. Yet, a simple misunderstanding can turn a pleasant afternoon into a disaster.

    But fear not! By the end of this guide, you'll be a master of the hanging out game. So, buckle up and get ready to dive deep into the world of casual friend meet-ups.

    Did you know? A 2018 study found that individuals who regularly hang out with friends experience reduced levels of stress and a boost in overall well-being.

    Now, let's jump into the unwritten rules that will transform your hangout experiences!

    And remember, while these rules provide a guideline, the most important thing is to be genuine and attentive to your friend's feelings.

    1. Clear Communication is Key

    Ever been caught in the "I thought we were just chilling at home" while your friend thought you were heading to a movie? Miscommunications like these can be avoided with clarity. Before meeting up, briefly discuss plans, even if they're as simple as "let's just chat."

    Tip: Use open-ended questions like "What do you feel like doing?" to ensure both parties are on the same page.

    Clear communication also extends to times and venues. Being specific can save both you and your friend the stress of misaligned schedules or locations.

    Another crucial aspect is discussing any potential changes in plans. If you're running late or can't make it, a simple heads-up can save the day.

    Interestingly, a Harvard Business Review article emphasized the importance of clear communication in all forms of relationships, not just friendships. It can be the difference between a successful hangout and an awkward experience.

    Lastly, remember it's not just about verbal communication. Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice all play essential roles in how our messages are perceived.

    2. Always Be Respectful of Time

    Time is a valuable asset, and respecting it shows you value your friend's company. Aim to be punctual. While occasional delays can be unavoidable, make it a point to inform your friend ahead of time.

    But what about hangouts without a set end time? It's good to be aware of cues. If your friend is continually checking their watch or seems distracted, it might be time to wrap up.

    Being respectful of time also involves not overextending a hangout. If you initially planned for a coffee catch-up, don't assume your friend has the entire day free. Always check before proposing additional activities.

    Research shows that respecting others' time is directly linked to trustworthiness. When you show up on time and stick to plans, it sends a message that you're reliable and respectful.

    However, it's also essential to be flexible. If your friend needs to reschedule or change plans last minute, be understanding. We all have our off days!

    Quick tip: Always factor in some buffer time. If you think you'll be at a cafe for an hour, block out an hour and a half in your schedule to account for any unforeseen changes.

    3. Keep Your Phone Away (Mostly)

    We're all guilty of it: checking our phones mid-conversation. But when you're hanging out with a friend, it's essential to be present. This means limiting phone use. Not only does it show respect, but it also enhances the quality of your interactions.

    Of course, there are exceptions. Maybe you're waiting for an important call or need to check on your pet through a home camera. In such cases, just let your friend know.

    Did you know? A study from the University of Essex found that just having a phone on the table, even if it's not being used, can reduce the quality of face-to-face interactions.

    However, phones can also enhance hangouts. Whether you're sharing photos, looking up a fact, or choosing a song, they can be great tools when used mindfully.

    Remember, it's not about completely banning phones but using them in a way that complements your hangout rather than detracting from it.

    Pro-tip: Set your phone to "Do Not Disturb" mode. This way, you won't be distracted by every notification, but can still access it if needed.

    4. Be Genuine and Authentic

    Nothing beats the feeling of connecting with a friend on a genuine level. And the key to this? Authenticity. Whether you're sharing joys or woes, be true to your feelings.

    Being genuine also means being a good listener. When your friend talks, be present and show genuine interest in what they're saying. Avoid interrupting or shifting the conversation to yourself unless it's relevant.

    A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that genuine interactions boost feelings of closeness and understanding. So, next time you're tempted to exaggerate a story or feign interest, remember the power of authenticity.

    However, being genuine doesn't mean oversharing. There's a fine line between sharing and dumping all your problems on a friend. Gauge the situation and ensure the conversation is balanced.

    Tip: If you're unsure about how much to share, a good rule of thumb is the "reciprocity rule." Share as much as your friend shares, ensuring a mutual exchange of stories and feelings.

    Finally, remember that being genuine also involves showing your quirks and flaws. No one's perfect, and that's okay! Embrace your unique self, and encourage your friend to do the same.

    5. Mind Your Body Language

    Words aren't the only way we communicate. Our body language speaks volumes, sometimes even louder than our words. When hanging out with a friend, it's essential to be aware of the non-verbal cues you're sending.

    A slouched posture or constant fidgeting might signal disinterest or discomfort, even if that's not your intention. Conversely, leaning in slightly and maintaining eye contact can show you're engaged and interested.

    According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian's widely cited research on verbal and non-verbal communication, 55% of communication is body language, 38% is tone of voice, and only 7% is the actual words spoken. This underscores the importance of non-verbal cues in our interactions.

    Tip: Every now and then, do a quick body language check. Ask yourself, "What is my posture saying right now?" Adjust accordingly to ensure your body language aligns with your words.

    It's also a good idea to read your friend's body language. If they seem uneasy or distracted, address it. A simple "Is everything okay?" can open up the channels for honest communication.

    Lastly, remember that cultural differences can play a role in how body language is interpreted. What's considered a friendly gesture in one culture might be deemed rude in another. So, always be mindful and respectful of these nuances.

    6. Avoid Controversial Topics (Unless You're Both Okay With It)

    Politics, religion, money – oh my! While these topics can lead to stimulating conversations, they can also be potential minefields, especially if you're unaware of your friend's views.

    It's always best to gauge the mood and the comfort level before delving into controversial subjects. And if you do decide to venture there, approach with an open mind, ready to listen more than you speak.

    Remember, the goal of hanging out is to connect and have a good time, not to convert or convince your friend of your views.

    Quick tip: If a topic does lead to a heated discussion, it's okay to agree to disagree. What's most important is maintaining respect and understanding for each other's perspectives.

    That said, some friendships thrive on these kinds of debates. If you and your friend enjoy challenging each other's views in a respectful manner, go for it! Just ensure it's mutual and doesn't sour the mood.

    In the words of communication expert Dr. Peter Gray, "Conversations should be a bridge, not a wedge. Approach controversial topics with curiosity, not conviction."

    7. Share the Bill (Or At Least Offer To)

    Money can be a tricky subject, especially when hanging out. Whether you're grabbing a coffee or enjoying a fancy dinner, it's essential to navigate the bill situation gracefully.

    A general rule of thumb is to always offer to split the bill. If your friend insists on treating you, graciously accept but make a mental note to return the favor next time.

    Conversely, if you'd like to treat your friend, make it clear from the start. A simple "It's on me today" can avoid any awkwardness when the bill arrives.

    Remember, it's not about the amount but the gesture. Even if you're just buying a small snack, showing willingness to share or treat can strengthen the bond between friends.

    Research from the Journal of Economic Psychology found that positive financial interactions, like splitting a bill or treating a friend, can significantly enhance the quality of a relationship.

    Tip: If you're planning a more expensive outing, discuss the financial aspect beforehand to avoid any surprises.

    8. Always Be Considerate and Empathetic

    Empathy is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. When hanging out with a friend, always strive to be understanding and considerate of their feelings and situation.

    If they've had a tough week, maybe opt for a relaxed evening at home instead of a night out. If they're celebrating something, join in their excitement and make the hangout special.

    Remember, it's not always about what you want to do but about making the experience enjoyable for both.

    According to a study from the University of Cambridge, empathy can significantly boost relationship satisfaction. So, next time you're with a friend, put yourself in their shoes and act accordingly.

    Tip: Active listening is a powerful tool for building empathy. When your friend talks, genuinely listen, and try to understand their perspective without immediately jumping to solutions or advice.

    Lastly, always be there for your friend, whether they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to share their joys. Being considerate and empathetic will only deepen your bond.

    9. Respect Boundaries and Privacy

    Every individual has their own set of boundaries, and it's essential to be aware and respectful of them. Whether it's not delving into personal matters or understanding when they need some alone time, respecting boundaries is key to a healthy friendship.

    Overstepping, even with the best of intentions, can strain the relationship. Open communication is vital here. If you're unsure about something, it's better to ask than assume.

    According to Dr. Elaine Aron, a psychologist and researcher, sensitive individuals, in particular, may have more stringent boundaries. Recognizing and respecting these can make hangouts more enjoyable for both parties.

    Tip: Have an open dialogue about boundaries early on in your friendship. This not only avoids potential conflicts but also shows your friend that you value and respect their feelings and preferences.

    Moreover, in the age of social media, it's also essential to respect digital boundaries. Avoid posting pictures or sharing details without your friend's consent. A hangout should be a safe space, free from unwanted exposure.

    Remember, a friendship built on mutual respect is bound to be more fulfilling and long-lasting.

    10. Explore New Activities Together

    While it's comforting to have a go-to activity with your friend, exploring new experiences together can be incredibly bonding. Whether it's taking a pottery class, hiking a new trail, or attending a live show, shared new experiences can reignite the spark in your friendship.

    Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that shared novel experiences can significantly boost relationship quality. New activities challenge you both and provide fresh memories and stories to reminisce about later.

    Tip: Create a "friendship bucket list" of things you both want to try. Every month, or whenever you hang out, pick something from the list. This not only keeps things exciting but also gives you both something to look forward to.

    Also, be open to your friend's suggestions. Even if it's something you wouldn't typically do, give it a shot. Stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to the most memorable moments.

    Remember, it's not about the activity itself but the shared experience. Laughing over a failed cooking experiment can be just as bonding as acing a dance class together.

    So next time, instead of the usual coffee catch-up, challenge yourselves to try something new!

    11. Quality Over Quantity: Make the Time Count

    It's not about how often you hang out, but how you spend the time when you do. In today's busy world, it's easy to let hangouts become superficial or routine. However, prioritizing quality over quantity can make a significant difference.

    Instead of constantly checking your phone, be present. Engage in deep conversations, share your dreams and fears, and genuinely connect.

    A study from the University of Kansas found that it takes about 50 hours of interaction to move from acquaintance to casual friend status, but over 200 hours to become "close friends." It's not just the hours that count but the quality of those hours.

    Tip: Every once in a while, opt for a longer hangout session. Whether it's a day trip or just a few uninterrupted hours in a park, extended quality time can deepen the bond.

    Moreover, try to limit distractions. If you're meeting after a long time, perhaps consider a phone-free hangout. This allows both of you to fully immerse in the moment and each other's company.

    In essence, make every moment count. A few quality hangouts can be more fulfilling than numerous distracted ones.

    12. Communicate Openly and Honestly

    Open communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship. If something's bothering you or if you have something on your mind, it's essential to communicate it to your friend.

    Conversely, if your friend approaches you with a concern or feedback, listen with an open heart. It's crucial to create a safe space where both of you feel heard and understood.

    According to Dr. John Gottman, renowned relationship expert, the "Four Horsemen" (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) can be detrimental to relationships. Avoid these and prioritize understanding and empathy.

    Tip: Regularly check in with each other. A simple "How are we doing?" can open up avenues for honest feedback and discussion. This not only helps in addressing any concerns early on but also strengthens the bond.

    Remember, it's not about agreeing on everything, but understanding and respecting each other's views. A friendship where both parties can communicate openly is truly special.

    Lastly, practice active listening. Ensure your friend feels heard, and always approach conversations with empathy and an open mind.

    13. Remember Special Occasions

    Birthdays, anniversaries, or even small achievements - recognizing and celebrating these special moments can mean the world to your friend. It's not about extravagant gifts but the thought and effort you put into making their day special.

    According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," for some people, receiving gifts is their primary love language. Even a small token or gesture can make them feel deeply valued and appreciated.

    Tip: Set reminders for essential dates in your calendar. In today's digital age, there's no excuse for forgetting a close friend's birthday or anniversary. And it doesn't always have to be a gift – even a heartfelt message or call can make a significant difference.

    Moreover, celebrate the small wins. Did your friend get a promotion? Treat them to lunch. Did they complete a challenging project? Send them a congratulatory note. These small gestures show that you're genuinely invested in their happiness and success.

    Remember, it's the thought and effort that counts. Being there for your friend during their special moments can solidify your bond like nothing else.

    Lastly, also be there during the tough times. A friend in need is a friend indeed, as the saying goes. Your support during challenging times will be cherished forever.

    14. Cultivate Mutual Respect

    Respect is a two-way street. For a friendship to thrive, mutual respect is non-negotiable. This means valuing each other's opinions, even if you don't agree, and treating each other with kindness and consideration at all times.

    A relationship where one party feels belittled or disrespected is bound to face challenges. It's essential to recognize and check any behaviors that might be undermining the mutual respect in the relationship.

    According to a study from the University of Georgia, among various relationship qualities, respect was the strongest predictor of friendship satisfaction. This underscores its critical role in any relationship.

    Tip: Regularly reflect on your behavior and interactions. Are there moments where you might have unknowingly disrespected your friend? Address these and apologize. Open communication is key.

    Additionally, always encourage and uplift your friend. Celebrate their successes and be a pillar of support during failures. A relationship where both parties feel valued and respected is truly special.

    Remember, mutual respect is the foundation upon which all other aspects of a healthy friendship are built. Prioritize it.

    15. Reflect and Evolve Together

    Friendships, like all relationships, require effort and nurturing. As you both grow and evolve, it's essential to ensure that your friendship does too.

    Take time to reflect on your relationship regularly. Are there areas of improvement? Are there unresolved issues? Addressing these proactively can prevent potential conflicts down the line.

    According to Dr. Liane Davey, author of "The Good Fight," addressing conflicts and challenges head-on can lead to deeper understanding and connection. Avoiding issues, on the other hand, can lead to resentment and distance.

    Tip: Consider having a "friendship review" every once in a while. This can be a relaxed chat where you both discuss the highs and lows and areas of improvement in your relationship. It's like a performance review but for friendships!

    Moreover, as you both grow, your interests and preferences might change. Be open to evolving together. Maybe you both loved clubbing in your early 20s, but now prefer quiet dinners. That's okay. The key is to find common ground and continue enjoying each other's company.

    Remember, friendships are a journey, not a destination. Regular reflection and mutual growth can ensure that your bond remains strong and fulfilling, no matter the changes and challenges life throws your way.

    Recommended Reads:

    1. "The 5 Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman - A deep dive into how different people express and perceive love, which can be applied to friendships too.

    2. "The Good Fight" by Dr. Liane Davey - A guide on how to use productive conflict to strengthen relationships.

    3. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie - A classic that offers timeless advice on building and maintaining meaningful relationships.

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