Dear eNotAlone: My ex-husband and I split up about two years ago, and I've been finding it hard to move on from him. We had our fair share of problems, like any couple, but lately, I've been yearning for the familiarity and comfort that our relationship used to bring. I've been wondering if there is any chance of winning him back, or if this is just a futile pursuit of a past love. I suppose what I'm asking is: is it possible to rekindle a love that's been extinguished? And if so, how would I even begin to approach this delicate situation?
* * *
Your situation reminds me of the proverb, "the heart wants what it wants," and it seems your heart yearns for a love that once was. As a relationship coach with years of experience under my belt, I've seen a myriad of love stories unfold, some with happy endings, others with painful but necessary conclusions. The path you're contemplating, the journey of reunification with an ex-spouse, is a well-trodden one, albeit fraught with challenges.
Firstly, I'd urge you to deeply introspect, exploring the true motivations behind your longing. Is it truly him you're missing, or could it be the comfort of familiarity? Often, the tendrils of past relationships can entangle us not because the love is alive, but because the void left by their absence is difficult to fill. It's essential to differentiate between genuine love and a fear of solitude or change.
Secondly, consider the reasons behind your separation. Were they circumstances that have since changed, or were they deep-seated issues that remain unresolved? Rekindling an old flame means potentially reigniting old conflicts. Is it worth facing the fire, or is it better left extinguished?
If, after some soul-searching, you still wish to pursue this path, it's important to approach the situation delicately. It's like attempting to sail on a sea that's weathered many storms; you must be gentle, patient, and understanding. Start by establishing open and honest communication with your ex-husband. Share your feelings with him, but remember to respect his boundaries and listen to his feelings as well.
Your situation is akin to a phoenix rising from the ashes - a possibility of rebirth, of love rekindled. But even the phoenix must first endure the flame. Be prepared for a rollercoaster of emotions, for a journey that's as rewarding as it is challenging.
Love isn't a battlefield to be won or lost, but a dance between two souls, each with their own rhythm. It's not about winning him back, but rather finding a harmony where both of you can dance freely, without stepping on each other's toes.
And remember to be kind to yourself. Whatever the outcome, you are deserving of love and happiness. Whether that happiness comes from rekindling an old love or discovering a new one, or even finding contentment in your own company, you are worthy.
This journey you're contemplating, it's not for the faint of heart. But then again, love never is.