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  • Paula Thompson
    Paula Thompson

    Reinvigorating A Lost Love: How To Reset Things With An Ex-Partner

    When relationships that were once full of adoration and love begin to erode away, the loss can be so great that it may feel like you’ll never find that same spark of joy again. Fortunately, that doesn’t have to be the case; often both people just need a fresh start — an opportunity to leave in the past the things that held them back in the first place. The process of healing is never easy, but if done thoughtfully and wholeheartedly, it can bring back the bond between two people in the most beautiful way possible.

    The first step, of course, is finding the courage. It takes no small amount of bravery to reach out, open yourself up and be vulnerable to someone who may have hurt you deeply. It requires a willingness to explore the delicate and sometimes painful ground of the relationship. You must take ownership of whatever your role has been in the damage, as well as express, honestly, how you're feeling and share your dreams for the relationship.

    Once you’ve got that down, then it’s time to reach out to your ex-partner in the most direct and meaningful way you can, and give them a chance to reconnect with you. Give them an opportunity to understand the direction you want to go in, ask for apologies that you may not have gotten previously, and explain why what happened is no longer acceptable to you. Don’t be too intense about it; simply let your presence and words speak for themselves.

    The goal here is to create an atmosphere of comfort and trust. Both of you need to be able to talk openly and honestly. You must be willing to acknowledge your faults and accept responsibility for your wrongdoings. It won’t become easier until both parties are willing to honestly express their feelings and experiences with each other. If both people can come to an understanding of how they contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, the healing process can truly begin.

    Reestablishing a relationship without lapsing into patterns of blame or criticism will require some hard work. Take the time to discover what mistakes were made in the past, and find solutions that focus on solutions rather than pointing fingers. Fight against criticizing each other by replacing criticisms with compliments or kind words. Always focus on the present and look towards the future, instead of recounting hurtful memories from the past. Be conscious of things that might trigger arguments and try to take the high road and turn those triggers into positive experiences.

    Finally, remember to always be kind. Respect your partner, show patience when needed, and be understanding of the other person’s true perspective. None of this is easy; in many cases, it’s a lot like starting from scratch. Both people involved must have clear goals in mind and be honest and direct with each other. It’s going to take time, but if it’s something worthwhile, these steps can help you foster reconciliation and restore something beautiful between two people.

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