Overcoming Singlehood: My Story & Advice for Finding Love

My story starts off with me asking a classic question: why am I still single? This was my riddle that I have been trying to answer throughout my life. I have had dating ups and downs, heartbreaks and breakthroughs, but no matter what happened, I could not make sense of why love eluded me. I tried different paths to find the answer—dating different types of men, going out to clubs and social gatherings, even trying online dating. But for some reason, I kept coming up empty-handed.

The truth is, I felt like I was coming up short in something, and I hated this feeling. I wanted so desperately to break into a meaningful relationship, and the emptiness I discovered when I found myself still single was only compounded by the fact that my friends were all happily coupled. While I was grateful for their support, it was hard not to feel excluded and alone.

When I found myself asking this same old question again and again, I decided to take action. I began researching what science had to say about singlehood. After talking to experts, reading books, and doing my own soul searching, here is what I learned:

First, it is worth noting that being single can actually have its advantages. As someone single, you are more independent and can carve out your own narrative with fewer restraints and inputs from another person. You also have greater opportunities to build strong relationships with friends, focus on your career, and reach personal growth milestones.

That said, it is also important to consider how our mindsets and thought patterns impact our experience with romantic relationships. A study by researchers from the University of Chicago revealed that people who are obsessed with finding a partner and becoming married often become even less likely to achieve their goal. They explain that feelings of inadequacy and anxiety can cause us to lose sight of the end goal and become fixated on every negative detail about potential partners, ultimately leading to fewer and shorter relationships.

These findings showed me that I needed to shift my outlook if I wanted to give love a chance. I started paying attention to when I felt anxious or insecure around potential dates and did my best to shift my focus away from those thoughts. Instead, I chose to focus on growing my career and deepening relationships with family members and friends. This shift allowed me to become more open-minded and willing to explore new possibilities, even if they felt slightly uncomfortable at first.

In addition to changing my mindset, I also sought to get more comfortable being physically and emotionally vulnerable with people. I made sure to be honest about my emotions and to listen carefully to what potential dates were telling me about themselves. I looked for ways to bring out positive aspects about others and myself.

Taking these steps towards self-awareness and exploration helped me come to terms with my single status. At the same time, I realized I did not have to stay single forever if I did not want to. If one thing has become clear through this journey, it is that I have the power to change my circumstances, but I must be willing to take intentional steps and to invest the time and energy into the process.