Let Love Find You: Seven Steps to Open Your Heart to Love
By John Selby
Another primary reason so many people haven't yet met their true love is found in the seemingly magical dynamic that suddenly brings two people together in such a way that they instantly recognize each other, and surrender to the magnetic pull of sexual love. This mysterious process that pulls two compatible people towards each other is a process that can be entirely dormant and blocked in a person, or consciously nurtured and activated.
Here's a basic question that arises whenever we consider the seeming magic of two people suddenly finding each other. Is the finding of true love a purely random hit-or-miss phenomenon that we can't really do anything to influence.7 Are we indeed helpless victims of haphazard chance in the mating game - or does there exist, as most successful couples claim, a certain mysterious magnetism to the process of encountering one's true love?
The answer to this basic question, seen from the perspective of new research into the power of human intent in romantic life, has recently swung away from the victim stance, towards the victor stance. Yes - there is most definitely a great deal we can do, through the employment of effective mind-management techniques, to take control of our romantic lives, prepare ourselves successfully for the desired encounter, and then attract into our lives the special quality of love we hunger for.
Even though millions of lonely people continue to have difficulty in finding satisfying sexual partners and establishing long-term relationships, other people of course do manage to advance to the point where they're ready for successful love - and then experience that desired moment where they come face to face with someone, recognize them somehow as their desired mate . . . and experience love at first sight. What's really happening when two people suddenly turn a corner, look in each other's eyes, recognize each other and surrender to the magnetic pull of romantic encounter? Is there any observable pattern or logic leading up to this moment, any method to the madness of romance.'
Fifteen years ago, while living as a single man, I myself experienced a most remarkable three-week period that led up to that one-in-a-million chance encounter with the woman who would become my wife and life partner. Those three weeks preceding my seemingly fated rendezvous were unique in that I happened to be practising a special meditation of regularly observing and recording my inner thoughts and feelings. Being a psychologist, I was able to notice quite clearly, and step by step write down, a definite emotional and attitudinal shift in my thinking habits, which in turn opened my heart to tune into the sudden feeling that I was in contact with my lover - which led to the inner sensation of being guided towards her at some subtle level ... which finally led to the seemingly random but quite synchronistic beginning of our relationship.
There is now solid scientific documentation (from the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research studies and other experiments) proving that your power of intent does reach out and contact the world around you. So it is vital that you take time to clarify realistically who it is you intend to encounter and live your life with, and make sure that this intent is attainable, as you reach out to contact similarly motivated hearts and minds.
'Heal your romantic past...'
You aren't going to be ready for new love if you're still feeling wounded by old love. Successful couples report how they first had to finally let go of past romantic disasters, forgive their earlier sexual partners, heal their wounded hearts, and feel good inside their own skins, before new love came their way. The inner step of accepting yourself just as you are, and finding wholeness in your own heart so you no longer feel so emotionally needy, is a major step in preparing for a relationship free from co-dependent tendencies. And I'm sure you'll agree logistically that two people moving through this inner process at the same time are ideally suited to come together in love.
'Drop negative attitudes . . .'
Another crucial step in finding true love often involves a change in your attitudes about the kind of person you're seeking. As long as you're looking for your idealized visual image in people you meet, and judging everyone else as not good enough for you, you'll pass by many potential lovers because they don't match your idealized image. When you finally let go your stereotyped dream and open up to people who might not match your programmed ideal, the magic of romance becomes strongly enhanced.
'Let yourself feel sexy . . .'
As you begin to feel better inside your heart, to accept and forgive and let go of the past, your sexual charge will begin to feel clear, bright and
powerful - and this expanding sexual charge becomes an actual physical force that empowers your attraction capacity. Successful couples report experiencing a qualitatively different feeling of attractiveness and sexiness in their bodies just before their encounter, which provided them with the confidence and energy to change daily habits, get out more, and put themselves in physical position for a romantic encounter. The specific scientific dynamic of this attraction process remains a partial mystery, but we now know pragmatic ways to encourage this feeling of sexually positive energization in the body.
'Use your desire as an emotional magnet. . .'
In the process of letting go and feeling good in your heart, the inner experience of desire shifts from being a negative aching pain in the heart, to a dynamic positive energy that broadcasts outward - to touch the hearts of other people in similar stages of romantic readiness. As we'll see, there now exists quite exciting scientific verification that the heartfelt power of desire is a measurable force that helps brings two hearts together. So encourage your desire, and learn to focus it outward towards that special person out there also focusing towards you.
'Open your heart to receive
There is evidence that when their hearts and minds are radiating readiness for sexual encounter and fulfillment, both members approaching a relationship frequently report feeling heart contact with someone 'out there' - who is also aware of them at the same time. We have surprising scientific research showing how this happens, based on the predictions of Albert Einstein, and recently documented for the first time. If you want to fall in love again, you do need to consciously open your heart to receive that person out there who is also looking for you.
'Let spontaneity move you . . .'
Once this sense of 'already being together' happens, the final step towards successful encounter is to surrender fully to the present moment, and allow your feet the freedom to walk in new directions - as each choice of what to do each new moment becomes entrained with the presence of the other person . . . leading to that remarkable 'chance encounter' and instant recognition which really isn't pure chance, but guided by subtle forces we're just beginning to understand and use to our advantage.
The Heart - Open to Receive
Scientific insights surely help to understand the mysteries of romantic attraction and encounter. But ultimately the mystery remains greater than our present scientific method can fathom, and we find that our primary guide towards true love is still the direct experience happening inside our own hearts. In this book, I'd like first of all to share with you new research that shows that the heart is vastly more than just an organic pump - in fact, scientists at NYU and other universities are now talking about the heart being 'the fifth brain'. We can in fact seek wisdom and guidance from our own hearts, and also learn to speak from our hearts.
But all too often when we're alone and lonely, we tend to constantly fill our minds with negative thoughts and emotions, and keep our hearts fixated upon upsetting memories, depressing attitudes, and aching emotions. One of the great tragedies from this point of view is that as long as we're constantly caught up in our own negative thoughts and feelings, we're stuck in what I call broadcast mode - sending out over and over our inner cry for communion and contact.
The dilemma that we'll address in this book is this: that all the while we're thinking up a storm inside our minds and are all stirred up emotionally from our chronic worries and imaginations, we never shift into what I call 'receive mode' - where our minds become quiet, our emotions calm, and our hearts therefore able to open up and tune into the presence of like-minded people reaching out to us. Because of all our inner mental agitations and heart constrictions, we're simply not available to be touched by another heart.
This is one of the reasons I've titled this book Let Love Find You because a primary missing variable in the mating game, as I see it, is the regular conscious shifting of our hearts and minds from noisy active broadcast mode, to quiet open-to-receive mode. To transcend this situation, we'll devote an entire chapter to learning how to quiet our thoughts, calm our emotions, and open our hearts to the inflow of love.
I clearly remember being alone one night, practising a basic 'opening to receive' technique I'd been developing for spiritual purposes. I had recently finally reached a point in my own emotional healing where I'd recovered from my previous romantic fiasco, and was feeling very good in my heart even when alone. I'd also discovered at long last that I could be my own best friend, and feel love in my heart even when alone. Therefore my heart was singing a happy tune that evening, even though I was surely hoping to someday find true love.
And so, having recently moved through several of the emotional-healing steps I'll be guiding you through, I was sitting there focusing on a beautiful meditation to allow spiritual love in general to flow into my heart - and suddenly, as I was quietly holding my heart in receive mode, I became vibrantly aware ... of a very specific person's presence - right inside my own heart.
I was so jolted that I snapped out of the meditation, wondering what had happened. It took me a few moments to get up the nerve to move back into the meditation - and sure enough, when I entered into that receptive heart space, I again became aware of a special person's loving presence in my heart.
Over the next three weeks, I would regularly return to this meditation and tune into this sense of being in contact with someone out there who was also tuned into my presence ... and through trusting and surrendering to this new feeling and power of attraction in my heart, I was able to set myself free, open up to spontaneous changes in my daily routine - to where ultimately, yes, I opened a door and there she was ...