How to Make the Guy Make the First Move (Proven Strategies)

Key Takeaways:

• Playful flirty texts
• Show genuine interest
• Offer clear admiration
• Be direct and authentic
• Initiate if needed

It feels frustrating when you keep waiting, hoping he will make the first move, and nothing actually happens. You might wonder whether he actually likes you, whether he just feels shy, or maybe he worries about rejection. Maybe you already spend late nights analyzing his every message, trying to decode subtle hints or signals. If you want to finally break this pattern and learn how to make the guy make the first move, don't worry. The truth is, many men feel nervous about taking that crucial step—especially if they fear getting turned down. By understanding what motivates them, what encourages them to open up, and what sparks their courage, you can tilt the odds in your favor.

Whether you're navigating the early stages of flirting or trying to boost his confidence, understanding a few basic principles of human psychology helps. Men, just like everyone else, experience a blend of emotions ranging from self-doubt to anticipation. While some show their interest boldly, others feel more hesitant or uncertain. Learning how to make a guy make a move involves gently nudging him out of his comfort zone with authenticity and warmth.

Think about it this way: social psychologist Robert Cialdini introduced the idea of reciprocity—people respond positively when they sense someone truly appreciates them. This applies to romantic interactions too. Show him genuine admiration, encourage him to share his interests, and you create a sense of safety and enthusiasm. When he feels understood, noticed, and appreciated, he gains the courage to take risks. By understanding a few communication strategies and body language cues, you will learn how to get him to make a move, even if he tends to feel shy. Let's break down some effective strategies in detail so you can confidently set the stage for his next step.

Encouraging Genuine Connection and Attraction

Before we get to the specific techniques, it's important to understand what makes a man move from interested observer to active participant. Often, men face what psychologists call “approach anxiety”—a fear that stepping forward risks embarrassment, rejection, or looking foolish. Even the most confident man might hesitate if he senses uncertainty.

By using subtle tools—like humor, sincerity, consistency, and authenticity—you can help lower his guard. Men tend to respond positively when they feel understood and valued. As Dr. John Gray famously noted in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, “Men respond when they feel needed and appreciated.” This doesn't mean you have to feign dependence, but showing him you appreciate his unique qualities helps him feel valued and encourages him to move forward. When he senses that you see and appreciate his effort, he's more likely to take a chance and make that first move.

Another aspect to consider: mutual vulnerability. Renowned relationship expert Dr. Brené Brown emphasizes that vulnerability plays a key role in building trust and closeness. When you open up just a bit—showing genuine interest, offering small compliments, even sharing your own feelings of nervousness—you invite him to do the same. This emotional openness nurtures a safe space where he feels freer to act.

Send Subtly But Seriously Flirty Texts

Text messages are a low-pressure way to show him you feel interested and to hint that he should take action. If you've been wondering how to make the guy make the first move, try sending a quick note that shows off a bit of your personality. A playful hint, a funny observation about a TV show he recommended, or a sweet compliment can signal that you enjoy his attention. For instance, if he mentioned his favorite band, send a link to a new track you discovered and add, “Thinking about you. Thought you might like this.” This subtle nudge reminds him you value his taste and that his opinions matter to you.

Be sure not to overdo it. You don't have to text constantly. Instead, send him a witty comment, maybe an emoji that fits an inside joke, or a memory from a conversation you had. The idea is to gently keep your presence in his mind, showing that you appreciate his input. Your tone should remain light, positive, and warm. Lighthearted banter helps break the ice and makes it easier for him to imagine what it'd be like to connect more deeply. After these flirty texts, he may feel inspired to escalate things and ask you out.

Encourage Him to Open Up About His Interests

People love talking about what excites them. When you encourage him to share his hobbies and passions, you show him that you respect his world. You can say, “I remember you mentioning your favorite hiking trail. How did you pick it?” Giving him space to explain his interests taps into his positive emotions, and positive emotions reduce anxiety. Once he talks about something he loves, he associates those good feelings with you.

In psychology, positive associations help nurture attraction and trust. When he feels understood—like you genuinely want to know him, not just impress him—he becomes more comfortable. He'll likely lower his guard and might start picturing himself taking that next step, perhaps inviting you along on a weekend adventure or asking you out to watch a movie he finds inspiring. Encouraging him to share what he loves sets a foundation that makes him feel at ease reaching out with something more personal.

Openly Share What You Admire About Him

Compliments work best when they feel specific and sincere. Instead of a generic “You're cute,” focus on something unique he brings to the table. Try: “I admire how curious you are. You always find a cool angle on things.” By focusing on a personal trait rather than something surface-level, you validate his individuality. This triggers feelings of pride, confidence, and gratitude—emotions that often push men to take the next step.

Psychologically, meaningful compliments signal recognition and invite closer connection. Men appreciate knowing they matter. Even if he initially hesitated because he feared rejection, now he senses you like him for who he is. That understanding nudges him to act: perhaps to finally ask you out or suggest you meet face-to-face away from a group setting. Showing you appreciate him as a whole person encourages him to move beyond small talk and into something more exciting.

Use Warm Eye Contact and Genuine Smiles

Nonverbal cues shape our understanding of each other. Your smile, the way you hold eye contact, your body posture—these subtle signals communicate that you feel comfortable and interested. If you want to know how to get a shy man to make a move, eye contact is key. Many men gauge a woman's interest by reading her nonverbal signals. Gentle smiles, raised eyebrows, and leaning in slightly show him you feel engaged. When you lock eyes during a conversation and let a warm, genuine smile linger, you send a crystal-clear message that you want him around.

Psychologists have shown that steady eye contact encourages intimacy and trust. In fact, one classic study found that two strangers who maintain eye contact for a few minutes often report feeling closer, even when they've never met before. When you pair this with a friendly nod or a quiet laugh at his jokes, you strengthen his confidence. He'll interpret your comfort and curiosity as an invitation to take the next step, whether that's asking for your number or planning a real date.

Find the Right Moment to Get Him Alone

If you've mostly interacted in group settings—maybe you always run into him at parties or catch up briefly after work—the noise and chaos around you might hold him back. To show him it's safe to make a move, find a way to spend a few moments together one-on-one. This could mean grabbing a coffee outside the office environment or taking a short walk after a social gathering. When the spotlight isn't on him and there's no audience, he might find it easier to reveal his feelings.

One-on-one time fosters emotional safety. Without distractions and the worry of what others think, he feels freer to be himself. Emotional safety often leads people to share more openly, flirt more confidently, and risk vulnerability. As Esther Perel writes in Mating in Captivity, “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life.” Give him a quiet space to relax and connect without judgment, and he'll likely respond by stepping closer and getting more personal.

Lean in Naturally and Close

Physical proximity can speak louder than words. When you sit beside him instead of across the table, or lean in slightly as you talk, you create a sense of intimacy. Touch lightly—maybe a brief hand on his arm as you laugh or a playful tap on his shoulder when you tease him. Gentle contact releases oxytocin, the so-called “bonding hormone,” known to increase feelings of closeness and trust.

Of course, always respect personal boundaries. If he seems comfortable and engaged, a small, friendly gesture shows warmth. Little moments of closeness communicate that you welcome his presence and attention. He'll likely interpret your comfortable proximity as a sign of your interest, nudging him to respond with equal enthusiasm and maybe even asking you for a date or leaning in for a kiss.

Offer a Meaningful, Lingering Hug

A hug might seem ordinary, but the quality of a hug matters. When you hug him goodbye, don't rush it. Let it linger just long enough for him to notice this isn't a casual, friend-zone hug. Pause a second longer, show a genuine smile as you pull away, and let your warmth convey what words might fail to say. This small gesture signals trust, comfort, and invitation.

Hugs can calm the nervous system and lower stress, according to various studies. Such calming effects prime him to feel good around you. Combined with all your other cues—compliments, eye contact, engaged conversation—this hug might tip the scale. He might realize you feel safe in his arms, and this realization can motivate him to pursue something deeper, moving past his hesitation.

Be Authentic, Ditch the Mind Games

“Play hard to get” often comes up in dating advice, but mind games usually backfire. While some men might chase someone elusive, many mature, relationship-minded men prefer sincerity. If he suspects you're only half-interested or trying to manipulate him, he'll likely hold back. True confidence comes from presenting yourself honestly. Being genuine and open encourages him to trust you and feel confident that you appreciate him.

In cognitive-behavioral terms, uncertainty often triggers anxiety and hesitation. If he can't read your intentions, he might not risk rejection. Show him reliability and honesty. Let him know, through both words and actions, that you're interested in him as a person, not as a conquest. This authenticity helps build rapport and makes it easier for him to step forward without fearing emotional whiplash. Remember, men often value clear signals. Make it known that you feel excited about getting closer, and watch his confidence rise.

Take the Initiative if All Else Fails

Sometimes men hold back due to deeply ingrained fears or past experiences. If he still seems stuck, consider taking the first move yourself. Doing this doesn't mean you compromise your femininity or value; it shows confidence and clarity. Many men find it refreshing and flattering when a woman steps up to break the ice. Saying, “I really enjoy spending time with you. Want to grab dinner sometime?” can free him from his internal anxieties.

In the realm of modern dating, there's no rule that says men must always make the first move. The world keeps changing, and relationship norms evolve. Women who show initiative often find that breaking these old patterns leads to healthier, more balanced connections. You show that you respect his feelings and empathize with his hesitations, but you also value your own desires. If he has been hovering on the edge, this direct invitation may be the push he needs.

Psychological Underpinnings and Emotional Safety

To encourage a guy to take action, you have to create an environment that reduces his fears and increases his emotional safety. Understanding that some men worry about coming on too strong or fearing your disapproval helps you navigate these moments better. The strategies we discussed—like flirty texts, sincere compliments, shared interests, and nonverbal cues—all address these psychological truths.

Think about how trust builds gradually. Each positive interaction serves as a “deposit” in what Dr. John Gottman calls the “emotional bank account.” Over time, these small positive moments accumulate. He realizes that approaching you carries fewer risks and more rewards. He won't feel you'll ridicule him or walk away. Instead, he senses a warm invitation to connect deeper. At that point, taking the first step transforms from a daunting challenge into a natural next move.

Also consider that some men have had negative experiences in the past—maybe they tried making a move with someone else who laughed at them or shrugged them off. You don't need to pry into his past, but your kindness and consistency help erase those old fears. Gestures of reassurance, listening attentively, and showing him you value his perspective reframe his experience. He begins to feel confident that you won't respond with cruelty or indifference.

Recognizing Signs He's Ready

How do you know when he's almost ready to make a move? Look for subtle cues. Does he initiate conversation more often? Does he try to impress you with stories or achievements? Maybe he teases you playfully or leans in closer than before. Maybe he offers to help you with something or suggests specific plans for the future. Each sign tells you he's inching closer to that first move.

As these signals appear, you can gently return the energy. Laugh at his jokes, show curiosity about his stories, and add your own little teasing comment. Show that you pick up on his hints and reward them with positive reinforcement. This reciprocal energy exchange usually boosts his confidence. He'll sense that he's not going out on a limb alone. Instead, you stand there with him, ready and open, waiting for him to close the gap.

If he suddenly grows quiet or pulls back, don't panic. Dating often unfolds in fits and starts. Maybe he had a stressful day, or maybe he just needs a bit more reassurance. Continue showing warmth and kindness. Stick to the strategies—stay genuine, make eye contact, show interest in his life. Over time, he's likely to circle back with renewed determination.

Balancing Patience and Persistence

Waiting for someone to take the first step challenges your patience. You might feel tempted to give up or get frustrated. But consider the bigger picture: Authentic connections take time, and every person moves at their own pace. He might need to overcome personal insecurities, cultural expectations, or lingering doubts before he steps forward. If you truly feel he's worth it, remain patient but not passive.

You don't have to wait indefinitely if he shows no progress at all. But if you see signs of gradual improvement—he texts more often, he opens up, he appreciates your compliments—then maybe he just needs a bit more courage to fully commit to asking you out. If you feel too impatient, remember that you can take the initiative. Showing him that you understand his position and value him as a person demonstrates maturity and respect.

The best relationships thrive on mutual effort. You encourage him, he steps up, and both of you share in the excitement of discovering something meaningful. This balanced approach fosters trust and security—two ingredients essential to any healthy partnership.

Embracing Modern Dating Dynamics

The days when men always had to make the first move have passed. Today's dating culture celebrates more flexibility. If he feels shy or uncertain, he's not alone. Many men struggle with the pressure to initiate, especially in an age of online dating, ghosting, and confusing social cues. By understanding his perspective and helping create a comfortable environment, you show empathy and patience.

This approach benefits you too. Instead of passively waiting, you shape the interaction. You tap into your own power to influence the relationship's direction. You make it clear that you welcome his attentions. This doesn't just help him—it helps you feel more in control of your romantic destiny. Instead of settling for indecision, you assert your role in nurturing a bond.

Once he finally takes that leap and makes the move, you'll enjoy a sense of accomplishment. Not only have you attracted someone who interests you, but you've also learned something about the psychology of romance. You've discovered your ability to guide subtle cues and create emotional safety. This knowledge serves you well beyond this particular connection, strengthening your future romantic endeavors.

Final Thoughts: Confidence, Communication, and Clarity

Figuring out how to make a guy make the first move often boils down to one concept: clarity. He must know you admire him, enjoy his company, and feel open to exploring something deeper. Your texts, compliments, smiles, and physical cues all send this message. Combined with patience and a willingness to understand his perspective, these strategies create an environment where he's more likely to take action.

As you embrace this approach, remember to stay true to yourself. Authenticity counts more than any perfect script. Real connections emerge when two people feel safe, seen, and appreciated. By following these steps—flirty texting, sincere admiration, playful teasing, moments of closeness—you transform from a distant crush into someone he must pursue. He then feels excitement instead of dread, curiosity instead of fear.

Understanding how to make a guy make the first move isn't just about him—it's also about you. You gain insight into human behavior, strengthen your communication skills, and develop the confidence to shape your romantic life. Whether he takes that leap tomorrow or next week, you've laid the groundwork. You've created a space where trust blossoms, vulnerability thrives, and that long-awaited first move finally feels not only possible, but inevitable.

Recommended Resources

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown