Dear eNotAlone: I have a problem that I haven't been able to solve on my own and I'm hoping you may be able to advise me. Whenever I meet a new girl and start talking to her, I tend to fall flat on my face with nothing interesting to say. Eventually the conversation fizzles out and I'm either left feeling embarrassed or she just says bye and goes away. I wouldn't mind so much except that it stops me from making any close female friends.
I want to make more friends of both genders but it seems like I make myself look foolish whenever I try to talk to a girl. I spend so long in my head trying to think of something to say that by the time the words are out of my mouth it's too late and she's already gone. I can usually keep up a conversation with boys just fine and I don't understand why I can't make this happen with girls. Part of me wonders if it's because I've been told that I'm not good enough – either explicitly or implicitly – and I still can't shake that mentality. So my question is; should I stop pushing myself and avoid conversations with girls altogether, or is there a way I can learn to be more comfortable when speaking to girls?
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It can be difficult to get a conversation started when meeting a new girl- especially if you feel overly anxious or insecure. It might seem like everyone else is managing to converse with ease, but the truth is everyone has their own issues to deal with when it comes to making friends and conversing with others.
The key to having successful conversations with girls is to start by focusing on yourself. One of the most important things you can do is to become comfortable with who you are. We all have our quirks and we all have things that make us unique or that set us apart from others. Learning to be proud of those qualities can be a great way to empower yourself and find the confidence to strike up conversations with new people. Once you're confident in yourself, then it becomes much easier to talk to girls.
Also, keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to conversations. You don't have to impress the person you're talking to, or come up with creative topics that no one else has thought of. Try to just enjoy listening and responding to what the other person has to say. Doing this shows them that you truly care about their ideas, and it helps to break the tension that can surround those first awkward moments of conversation. Come prepared with questions that you can ask in order to draw out the conversation, so you have something to talk about.
Always remember that your conversations don't always have to be perfect. There will probably be times when things don't go as planned, or you find yourself a bit stuck for words. That's OK! Everyone has these moments now and again and it's all part of getting to know each other.