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  • Natalie Garcia
    Natalie Garcia

    How to Get Over a Crush?

    I come to you in a state of heartache and confusion, searching for some form of validation and advice. I have known the object of my affection for about four months now and developed a crush on them. This person is someone I felt I could relate to, someone who was kind to me no matter the circumstance and attention I craved. I feel foolish now for ever thinking this potential relationship would turn into something else.

    Things went south very quickly. We stopped talking. I noticed they were distant, so I asked what was wrong, only to be told that they weren't interested in anything more than friendship. They just aren't looking for any kind of a relationship right now. At first, I made every effort to try and stay close, but when I'd reached too far and pushed too hard, they shut me out completely. They're done with me, and I don't know how to move on from here.

    I need help getting over my crush. I don't know how to keep myself from feeling hurt and upset over something that I can never make happen. Despite knowing the facts, I still find myself wishing things had worked out differently. How can I go about releasing these feelings and healing? Is it normal for me to feel this way? Honest advice would be greatly appreciated.

    * * *

    Dealing with unrequited love is certainly one of the most trying times in a person's life. It comes with its own unique pain and sadness because once your feelings are shared and then rejected, grief and disappointment can follow. That being said, these types of feelings are also very common, so know that you are not alone in your experience.

    The key to getting over your crush is to remind yourself that this other person's feelings are out of your control and that you are in charge of your own happiness. You may feel disappointed and want the best for yourself, so continue to implement positive activities, thoughts, and conversations into your everyday life. Pick up a new hobby or interest that you have been wanting to explore. Spend more time with people you love. Making time for yourself and engaging in activities that bring you joy can help to ease the pain, as can engaging in healthy communication with the person you have feelings for, even if it's simply an amicable goodbye.

    As far as the healing process, give yourself permission to grieve the loss of your "what could have been". Acknowledge your emotions—pain, rage, anger, frustration—with strong and valid self-talk. You may also want to engage in a healthy emotional outlet such as writing in a journal, painting, or exercising. As soon as you begin to heal your pain, you can also begin to undo your attachment and instead, focus on regaining your sense of self-worth and emotional security.

    Know that you can survive this. It's never easy to get over someone, however uncomfortable or painful the process may be. It may take some time, but eventually, you will come out stronger and more resilient in the end.

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