Dear eNotAlone: Can anyone help me? My long-term girlfriend has recently stopped calling me, texting me, and hasn't been answering my calls or messages. We had a great relationship – she was funny, caring, and always willing to go out of her way to make me happy and feel loved. But suddenly, without any explanation or warning, she just stopped calling or communicating with me altogether.
I don't know why things have changed so drastically between us, and I'm so confused and scared about what the future holds. I love her so much, and I can't bear the thought of losing her. What should I do to get her back? What are my options?
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The fear of losing somebody you love is never pleasant, so you're not alone in feeling confused and scared about what's happened. People react differently to breakups; some may become cold and distant, while others might try to work through things in a civil manner. However, many relationships have recovered from similar situations. So don't panic – there may still be a way you can salvage your relationship with your long-term girlfriend.
It sounds like you and your girlfriend had a good relationship before this turn of events. That strength of connection may be one of your strongest weapons for getting her back. Take a little time to reflect on why the both of you got together in the first place: what qualities attracted her to you? What made you want to keep dating your girlfriend, before things started to go wrong?
Once you've had a chance to consider these questions, you can start thinking about how to restore your relationship. It might seem like a difficult task, but there are a few strategic steps you can take to encourage her to communicate with you more freely.
Firstly, respect that she may need some time to process whatever she's going through. Even if she's no longer interested in maintaining a relationship with you, it's essential to give her the space she needs and respect her decision. Show her that you understand her feelings and that you're willing to wait for her without pressuring her. Letting her be will make it easier for her to move past her inner turmoil and perhaps come to terms with her feelings towards you.
Secondly, be understanding and honest in all of your exchanges with her. If you do manage to open up a dialogue with her, really listen to her words – put yourself in her shoes and use empathy to discover what's bothering her in her relationship with you. Show her that you genuinely care about her feelings and can relate to what she's going through. Ask her how you can help resolve whatever conflicts she's struggling with, while also staying true to yourself.
Continue to be loving and supportive, even if she's being distant. Keeping in touch with her may seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. With social media platforms and email so easily accessible, there are plenty of ways to subtly suggest that she stay in contact with you: sending a funny text message in the morning, tagging her in a cute photo joke, or sending a heartwarming postcard. You don't need to send these with the intention to win her back, instead they can simply act as tokens of your affection and a reminder that you still care.
No matter what happens, it's important to remember that relationships take effort, and it's possible that this could still be worth it. Keep in mind why she first fell in love with you – you still have the power to draw her in and rekindle the wonderful relationship that you two had. Let her know that you value her and want to come to a mutual understanding, while also letting her know that you'll always be there if she wants to talk or work things out. Your attentive, caring attitude may be just what she needs to come back to you.