Dear eNotAlone, I'm in a situation I never thought I would be in – chasing after girls that don't feel the same way I do. This has never been an issue before… I've always been successful with women, but now it seems even when I think I'm doing everything right, it all falls apart for no apparent reason.
I'm not a shy person. I'm quite outspoken and confident. I can also make a girl laugh, and I guess generally be fun to be around. At least, this is what I'm told… but when it comes to the dating scene, I feel like I'm a giant step behind everyone else. The dates and conversations I thought were going well suddenly seem to stop and losses any momentum. Logically I know I'm not unattractive; I'm at least average looking, decent job and my own place – I'm not trying to brag though, I just want to give an idea of what I come bringing to the table. So, why am I not successful in the game? Or should I just give up and accept it's over before it begins?
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. I used to be more confident and understand the dynamics between men and women, but now I'm lacking the intuition to click with a girl. I've been burned too many times so now I'm second guessing myself before I begin. How do I turn back the clock and be successful with the ladies like I was in the past? Any advice on how to portray myself as confident and interesting when speaking to a woman? What do I need to do differently or focus on in terms of body language or things I say?
* * *
Welcome to eNotAlone - there are many members of our community who have walked the same path as you and can offer support, advice, and guidance.
Dating can be difficult, especially when one has had some unsuccessful experiences. However, it is vital to remember that there can often be more than one answer to a problem. When it comes to being successful with girls, it's not simply a matter of doing everything right - although that can certainly help! Far more important are factors such as self-confidence, self-esteem, being comfortable with yourself, understanding the dynamics between men and women, and finding a way to connect with people.
One of the most important steps to take when it comes to dating is to focus on yourself first. This means getting to really know who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. Identify what makes you unique and celebrate those qualities, whether it's your wit, intelligence, creativity, style, or anything else that makes you stand out from others. Be honest with yourself and let others see those qualities come through. Doing this will help to increase your self-confidence and make you more attractive to potential dates.
In terms of body language, it is important to appear confident yet relaxed when in the company of others - especially potential partners. Nonverbal communication can speak volumes, so look to present yourself in a positive light. Make sure to smile and hold eye contact with the other person. Also pay attention to what they are saying and maintain an open posture throughout the interaction.
When it comes to conversation, make sure to keep it light, witty and interesting. Ask them about themselves and be attentive to the answers. This will show that you are interested in getting to know them better. Avoid getting too personal when you first meet and stay away from difficult topics such as religion and politics. The goal here is to make a connection, so just let the conversation flow.
Remember, it's not a race, and there's no need to rush into anything. Take your time and don't be afraid to express your true self. You may feel scared or anxious at times, but these feelings are natural. If you take the time to get to know yourself and stay true to yourself, you'll be in a much better position to successfully find the right partner. Good luck!