Boyfriend Taking Me for Granted? Here's What to Do Next

Key Takeaways:

• Set boundaries, protect self-worth.
• Communicate clearly, expect follow-through.
• Prioritize self-care, rebuild confidence.
• Stop accepting less, find balance.
• Honor feelings, consider next steps.

Picture this: you notice your boyfriend taking you for granted. He rarely acknowledges your efforts, shrugs off your feelings, and seems to assume you will always stick around no matter what. This hurts because deep down, you know you deserve more. You remember when he once texted you sweet messages, planned date nights, and asked how you felt. Now he cancels plans last minute, forgets to call back, or leaves you waiting for his attention. That warm glow of love and security you once felt now flickers uncertainly. You wonder where the magic went.

You do not want to beg for the respect you deserve. You want a boyfriend who offers attention, care, and empathy without constant reminders. You want to know that when your boyfriend takes you for granted, you can do something about it, that you wield the power to change the dynamic—or even walk away. This article shows you how to regain that power, address the root causes, and move forward feeling strong rather than defeated.

Why Your Boyfriend Might Start to Take You for Granted

Sometimes your boyfriend taking you for granted happens so gradually you barely notice until it becomes impossible to ignore. Patterns form over time. Understanding why he takes you for granted helps clarify your next move. We all behave in predictable ways based on comfort, habits, and personal boundaries. Let's break down some reasons he may act like this so you can see the bigger picture and approach the problem with clarity.

1. He's gotten a little too comfortable.

Relationships often start with bursts of excitement and thoughtful gestures. As time passes, comfort sets in, but comfort can morph into complacency. When he grows too used to having you around, he may forget to appreciate you. He assumes you will always be there, no matter how he behaves. He relaxes into a pattern where your presence feels like a guarantee. This dynamic resembles “habituation,” a psychological phenomenon in which repeated exposure to a stimulus (you) reduces its emotional impact. He stops noticing the small kindnesses and sacrifices you make. He does not realize that without gratitude and effort, relationships lose their spark.

2. You're too nice for your own good.

Kindness and empathy count as strengths, not weaknesses, but if you always give him what he wants without ever voicing your own needs, you might train him to see this as normal. When you respond to his last-minute change of plans with, “That's okay, I understand,” and suppress your disappointment, you teach him that your feelings matter less. He might think, “She doesn't mind,” or “She'll get over it,” which leads him to treat you as if your presence and support require no reciprocation.

3. You avoid confrontation at all costs.

No one enjoys messy arguments, but avoiding confrontation entirely often leads to silence, resentment, and one-sided dynamics. When he does something hurtful and you say nothing, you give him zero reason to adjust his behavior. He interprets your silence as acceptance. He takes your accommodating nature as a free pass to behave however he likes. This dynamic often emerges in relationships where one partner fears conflict or feels unworthy of asserting their needs. Avoiding confrontation sends a clear message: He can take you for granted because there are no consequences.

4. You're a people pleaser.

People pleasers find their self-worth in accommodating others. You may believe that if you keep giving, he will eventually realize your value. But constant people-pleasing backfires. The more you try to earn love through service and sacrifice, the less he invests. He may start to view you as someone who exists to fulfill his needs, not as an equal partner with her own emotional landscape. In the words of Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, “Anger is a signal and one worth listening to.” If you keep swallowing your anger and frustration, you never give him a chance to see the cost of his behavior.

5. You don't know how to say no.

Boundaries communicate respect—both self-respect and respect for the relationship. When you never say “no” to his requests or stop behaviors that make you uncomfortable, you teach him that your boundaries do not exist. Without boundaries, he cannot see where to stop. He might invite himself over last minute, expect your help with errands, or lean on you emotionally without ever offering support in return. Healthy relationships require give and take, not just endless giving.

Recognizing these underlying reasons provides a starting point. Understanding the “why” helps you approach the situation with a strategic mindset rather than responding blindly. You are not powerless. You can shift this dynamic, even when he takes you for granted.

Steps to Take When He Takes You for Granted

1. Check your reality.

When your bf takes you for granted, do not rely solely on feelings or assumptions. Observe concrete signs: Does he frequently ignore your texts for days but responds instantly to friends? Does he cancel plans to hang out with his buddies without apologizing or rescheduling? Does he rarely ask how you feel or what you want? Write down these examples. Seeing the pattern in black and white encourages you to trust your inner truth rather than brushing things under the rug. Dr. John Gottman, in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, emphasizes that healthy relationships maintain a ratio of positive to negative interactions. If your relationship leans heavily negative, this reality check reminds you that something must change.

2. Reassess the relationship.

Pause and ask yourself: Does this relationship meet your emotional needs and feel balanced? When your boyfriend taking you for granted feels like an ongoing theme, consider what you truly want from a partner. Reflect on the qualities that matter most to you—respect, empathy, reliability, trust. If he rarely meets these standards, you must decide if you feel willing to invest more energy or if it's time to consider other options. Identifying what you require helps you communicate these needs more effectively.

3. Build your own life outside him.

Men respect women who respect themselves. When your entire world revolves around him, he feels no urgency to reciprocate. Focus on personal growth, hobbies, friends, and career goals. Start attending that yoga class you keep postponing, hang out with friends who make you laugh, or join a book club to meet new people who share your interests. Developing your own life raises your value in your own eyes and in his. Suddenly, he notices you do not drop everything for him. He must earn your time and attention because you now have competing priorities. This shift often wakes him up to the realization that he can no longer take you for granted.

4. Match his energy.

“Fight fire with fire” may sound harsh, but consider it as matching his energy rather than acting out of spite. When he ignores you for hours, do not send follow-up texts. When he cancels last minute, say, “Okay, talk later” and move on. Stop making excuses for him or trying to fix the situation. You show that you do not chase validation. You show you respect yourself and your time. He might suddenly wonder why you stopped bending over backward for him. Sometimes, shifting your response from over-accommodating to calmly detached motivates him to step up his game.

5. If all else fails, step back.

When talking, listening, and asserting your needs fails, consider taking a step back. Limit your availability. Answer texts when you have time. Say no when you do not feel like going along with his last-minute ideas. Create space so he realizes your presence is not guaranteed. This does not mean using the silent treatment or manipulation. Just prioritize yourself and see if he rises to the occasion. If he shows no effort, that also provides valuable insight into where the relationship stands.

6. Offer yourself the affection you crave.

When he takes you for granted, you might believe you need his validation to feel worthy. You do not. Show kindness and compassion toward yourself. Treat yourself to a spa day, spend time doing something creative, or simply relax with a favorite movie. Positive self-talk and self-care activities help rebuild your sense of worth. You are a valuable person with or without his attention. When you radiate self-confidence and self-love, you create an environment that encourages him to treat you better—if he wants to remain in your life.

7. Temporarily remove him from the picture.

Imagine life without him for a moment. How would you feel, who would you become, and what would you do differently? This visualization exercise clarifies your priorities. If the thought of life without him brings relief or excitement, consider what that says about his role in your happiness. If you realize life seems duller without him, reflect on what you need from him to restore balance. Temporarily removing him from the equation in your mind lets you assess your life goals and identify how this relationship fits.

8. Let him take the lead.

Stop carrying the emotional load. Let him initiate dates, calls, and conversations. Resist the urge to plan everything or check in constantly. If he wants to see you, let him reach out. If he values your presence, he will take steps to keep the relationship alive. If he does nothing, you have your answer. Waiting and observing his actions reveals whether he invests effort when you step out of the caretaker role. This approach may feel uncomfortable at first, but it helps restore balance. It shows you whether he decides to show up or fade away.

9. Set a mental deadline.

Do not wait indefinitely for changes. Set an internal timeline. Maybe you give him a month to show more respect, appreciation, and engagement. If you see improvement, great. If not, you feel prepared to decide the next steps without fear or indecision. A mental deadline provides structure. You no longer drift through uncertainty, hoping he realizes his mistakes. Instead, you choose how long you invest energy before moving on. This mental boundary preserves your emotional well-being.

10. Stop accepting breadcrumbing.

Breadcrumbing occurs when a partner offers minimal attention or affection to keep you on the hook without providing genuine investment. Stop settling for these scraps. Do not overanalyze that one nice text he sent after ignoring you for days. Watch for consistency, not isolated gestures. Real love shows up over time. If he only gives you bread crumbs—a short compliment here, a late-night text there—he trains you to accept less than you deserve. You do not have to settle. Choose to expect more.

These steps form a toolkit. You do not have to use them all, but consider which resonate most. When he takes you for granted, you can redirect the energy you used to spend hoping he would change and channel it into actions that honor your worth. Take charge of your emotional landscape. You control your boundaries, your time, and your life.

Consider these steps carefully. Some feel easier than others. Some may require courage, especially if you fear losing him. Remember, losing a relationship that does not respect you never counts as a true loss. You stand to gain clarity, strength, and self-respect.

More on Why the Dynamic Develops

When a bf takes me for granted, it often stems from power imbalances. Sometimes early patterns set the stage. Maybe he always led conversations, chose date spots, and made big decisions. You went along, hoping to prove your flexibility and loyalty. But over time, this imbalance becomes ingrained. He behaves like the relationship revolves around him, and you find yourself giving more than receiving.

Social psychology research shows that relationships flourish when partners maintain a sense of equity. According to Equity Theory, both individuals invest and benefit from the relationship proportionally. When one person gives far more than the other, resentment and imbalance grow. Your boyfriend taking you for granted represents a violation of equity. By stepping up, setting boundaries, or even stepping away, you attempt to restore that balance.

Emotional attachment styles also influence this pattern. Anxious attachment leads people to cling to relationships for fear of abandonment. Avoidant attachment leads others to withdraw and minimize closeness. If he has an avoidant streak, he may interpret your kindness as overwhelming and pull away, causing you to feel taken for granted. If you have an anxious streak, you might keep giving more in hopes of securing his love. Recognizing these attachment tendencies can help you approach the situation with greater understanding.

When he takes you for granted, consider how cultural and societal messages shape expectations. In many traditions, women receive social conditioning to nurture relationships, compromise, and show care. Men often learn that women's emotional labor is guaranteed. When you recognize these influences, you spot patterns that no longer serve you and choose a new way forward.

Moving Toward Healthier Relationships

Regaining respect and love starts with internal shifts. You cannot force him to value you. You can, however, value yourself enough to step away if his behavior does not change. This might mean honest conversations: “I noticed you haven't asked how I'm feeling lately. That really matters to me.” Speak calmly, directly, and without apology. If he cares, he will listen. If he dismisses your words, consider that a sign.

Sometimes couples need professional help, such as couple's therapy or counseling. A trained therapist provides a safe space for both of you to express feelings without judgment. Therapy can shed light on communication breakdowns, unmet needs, and lingering resentments. If he resists therapy, consider individual therapy for yourself. Working with a professional helps you gain the self-confidence to assert boundaries and maintain them. In time, you either improve your relationship or gain clarity that you must leave.

When your bf taking me for granted keeps happening, remember: You hold the power to shape your reality. You decide which relationships deserve your energy. You control how you show up in the world. By building a rich life outside of him, communicating your needs, and upholding boundaries, you create an environment where respect and love can thrive. If he chooses not to meet you halfway, you know what to do.

Learning to insist on respect involves practice. You might stumble. Old habits die hard. But each step you take toward claiming your worth shifts the dynamic. He either steps up and appreciates you, or you step out and find healthier relationships. Either way, you win because you choose yourself.

Recommended Resources

Consider these resources to deepen your understanding and empower yourself:

• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
• Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
• Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson