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  • Paula Thompson
    Paula Thompson

    A Fickle Web of Caution: Does Being a Player Ever Pay Off?

    The pros and cons of playing the field in the modern world of dating can be complicated and sometimes tricky. Going out and being a “player” can pay off for some, but there are countless instances of it paying off too well. On the other hand, there are those who feel like just being yourself, having a few drinks, and having a bit of luck all is really needed to find the one, but that still requires the work of actually wooing, courting, and connecting.

    There’s something to be said about being a player—sometimes it works, for some. It might lure someone in initially, it may woo them enough, but if there's an underlying issue of lack of authenticity, shallow conversation, and an intentional lack of disclosure and understanding, the web of being a player will inevitably begin to unravel.

    It's natural to have worries, anxieties, and uncertainties when it comes to relationships. But if you bring that into the mix while playing the field, the truth of your intentions would be much wiser to share. You may have the right intentions, or feel like you do, but hiding who you are and what you want often leads to a disconnect with said potential partners.

    A smidge of selfishness has not been proven to hurt anyone, especially when it comes to dating, but more often than not, people want someone true and honest. If you aren't, then sooner or later, you'll be recognized and most likely shut down, leaving you back at square one, maybe even a step backwards.

    If it sounds like a lot of work, it is. And, if you're drawn to making an effort to lie a bit so that you don't look like an unattractive and unambitious person, it's better to practice being honest and find someone who relates back to that like-minded effort. We can become so intrinsically wrapped up in our own agendas that when something playful and fun is presented, it’s natural to be tempted by it. But if the idea of being disingenuous is in your bones, it’s best to confront that part of you and reexamine your expectations.

    Those who are brave enough to stroll the path of being authentic and not just self-serving by taking the time to care for yourself and be genuine with others (not including the classics, like being kind and considerate) have a much bigger reward to reap. A genuine connection, a link that two people decide to create, is worth its weight in gold when it feels just right. Scoring your partner should always be from substance and good-heartedness as opposed to looking at them as just another notch on your belt.

    Our human need for love and companionship does not require us to compromise our desires for our relationships. Women don't typically want a man who acts as a player, but instead one that is healthy, present, aware, authentic, and ready to make space for the two of them in tandem. If you approach it from that angle, you could finally find the relationship you seek.

    On paper, being a player can look attractive because it means freedom to roam and operate on our terms. But in actuality, it rarely ever pays off long term in ways that we can benefit from, and often times just leaves us spinning in an endless dizzying cycle of misconnection and confusion. When it comes down to it, being ourselves and being true can be liberating regardless of the end result. It’s worth the risk to appreciate what genuine dialogue and honesty can provide.

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