6 Challenges of Dating Men With Daddy Issues (What To Expect)

Key Takeaways:

• Hidden anger often masks deeper pain
• Commitment fears can include fatherhood
• Emotional intimacy remains a struggle
• Difficulty saying 'I love you' sincerely
• Arguments may feel never-ending

Dating someone with "daddy issues" might feel like you're navigating a minefield of unresolved emotions and unspoken expectations. The term might sound cliché, but for many men, an absent or toxic father leaves deep scars that carry into their adult relationships. You may find yourself questioning his reactions, feeling confused by his behavior, or simply wondering why something that seems easy for other couples is such a struggle for the two of you. Understanding where these patterns come from and how they play out in a relationship can be the key to navigating the emotional complexities that come with loving a man who's still healing from his past.

Here are 6 struggles you may face when dating men with daddy issues.

When you're in love with someone, you want things to flow smoothly. But when you're dating a man with unresolved "daddy issues," it can feel like you're always treading water. The past has a sneaky way of rearing its head in your relationship, often at the most unexpected moments. Whether it's sudden outbursts, unexplained fears, or an inability to connect, understanding these challenges can help you see things from a new perspective. Here's what you might encounter — and what it means for your relationship.

1. Hidden anger issues can catch you off guard.

You might notice moments where his frustration seems to come out of nowhere. A simple disagreement over dinner plans turns into a full-blown argument, leaving you wondering what just happened. This hidden anger often stems from unresolved resentment toward a father who was either absent, overly critical, or emotionally unavailable.

Psychologists call this "displaced anger." It's a common defense mechanism where someone projects their unresolved feelings toward one person onto another. In this case, you become the unintended target. It's not that he's angry with you — it's the years of pent-up frustration he never expressed to his father.

Dr. Robert Karen, in his book The Forgiving Self, explains that people with unresolved parental issues often struggle to differentiate past pain from present experiences. This can leave you walking on eggshells, never quite sure what might set him off. It's exhausting, but it's crucial to recognize that these outbursts aren't really about you. They're about his unhealed wounds.

2. The idea of fatherhood terrifies him.

For many men with unresolved daddy issues, the thought of becoming a father can be paralyzing. The fear isn't just about being responsible for another life — it's about the haunting question: "What if I turn out just like him?" That lingering dread can make conversations about having children awkward or even off-limits.

Attachment theory sheds some light on this. According to the theory, our early relationships shape our expectations for all future relationships, including parenthood. If his father was distant or neglectful, he's likely terrified of repeating that cycle. He might say things like, "I'm just not the fatherly type," or "What if I mess up?" when in reality, it's a deep-seated fear of repeating his father's mistakes.

You may want to reassure him, but understand this fear runs deep. It's not something a few comforting words can easily fix. It may take years of inner work before he feels ready to embrace fatherhood — if he ever does.

3. Awkwardness around your dad or father figures.

Ever noticed how uncomfortable he gets whenever your dad is around? Whether he's overly polite, awkwardly silent, or oddly competitive, these behaviors can be perplexing. Men with unresolved father issues often project their unresolved feelings onto other father figures. Your dad might unintentionally become a stand-in for the father he never had, or worse, the father he resents.

This is tied to what's known as transference, a concept explored by Sigmund Freud. Transference happens when we unconsciously redirect feelings from one person onto someone else. So, when your boyfriend interacts with your dad, he might unknowingly be trying to work through his own father wounds. This can manifest as a need to prove himself, intense anxiety, or a desire for approval.

Recognizing this dynamic can help you be more compassionate. But it's also important to set boundaries. If his discomfort becomes disruptive, it's okay to acknowledge it and encourage him to seek professional help to address his unresolved feelings.

4. He struggles to open up emotionally.

If you've ever felt like you're pulling teeth to get him to share his feelings, you're not alone. Men with daddy issues often find it incredibly hard to be vulnerable. His father may have been emotionally distant, leaving him to believe that opening up is a sign of weakness. So, he bottles it up instead.

Brene Brown, in her work on vulnerability, explains that men who were raised to suppress their emotions often feel intense shame when they do open up. They've internalized messages like “men don't cry” or “you've got to be tough,” making it nearly impossible to express what's really going on inside. The irony is that his inability to open up often leaves you feeling emotionally neglected — the very thing he fears most.

To break through this barrier, it's essential to create a safe space where he feels seen and heard without judgment. However, understand that this won't happen overnight. It's a slow process that requires patience, empathy, and sometimes, professional therapy to unpack years of emotional suppression.

5. Saying 'I love you' feels impossible.

You may hear him say almost anything else — "I care about you," "You're important to me," or even "I like spending time with you" — but getting those three words out? That feels like moving mountains. It's like there's an invisible wall preventing him from uttering what you need to hear most. This difficulty often stems from a deep-seated belief that love is either conditional or unattainable. If his father withheld love or only expressed it sporadically, he's likely afraid of being vulnerable and getting hurt in return.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, notes that men who struggle with expressing love verbally often associate it with a loss of control. It's not that they don't feel love; it's that articulating it feels too risky, like opening a door to potential rejection or abandonment. If you've ever been left hanging after saying, "I love you," you know how painful it can be. But instead of pressuring him, try to recognize that his struggle is less about you and more about his past.

While you can't force him to say it, you can create an environment where he feels safe enough to be vulnerable. That might mean appreciating the other ways he shows love — through actions, small gestures, or simply being present. But if you find yourself constantly yearning for those words, it's okay to communicate your needs too. Your feelings matter just as much.

6. Conflicts can feel unresolvable.

Arguments with him can feel like running on a treadmill — exhausting but getting you nowhere. Whether it's a disagreement over plans, finances, or something trivial like where to eat, it can spiral into an unproductive conflict. He might shut down, stonewall, or even walk away mid-conversation. This leaves you feeling unheard and frustrated.

According to Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, people with unresolved attachment issues often have a hard time managing conflict in relationships. They tend to perceive disagreements as threats rather than opportunities for growth. If he had a father who was either overly critical or completely absent during emotional discussions, he might feel trapped when conflicts arise, fearing he's on the verge of losing you.

It's crucial to recognize that this isn't about you or the specific issue at hand. It's about him feeling emotionally cornered. Try to approach conflicts with empathy. You might say, "I know this is hard for you, but I'm here to work through it together." However, it's also essential to set boundaries if his conflict avoidance starts affecting your well-being. Relationships require two people willing to communicate — no matter how uncomfortable it might be.

Recommended Resources

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
• Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson