Dear eNotAlone: John is struggling to figure out what he did wrong in his relationship with a girl. He was in a committed relationship for two years, and although he saw the relationship going in the long term, she ended things suddenly. He still loves her and wonders if there is anything he can do to win her back.
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John's situation is a difficult one, but it's common for relationships to go through rough patches. Before he attempts to win back his ex-girlfriend, he needs to take a step back and reflect on what may have gone wrong in the relationship.
One of the most important aspects in a relationship is communication. Did John communicate his feelings correctly? Did he let his ex know of his goals, dreams, and visions for the future? Did he make her feel that she was the most important person in his life? If any of these variables were lacking, he needs to make sure that he communicates more effectively in his next relationship.
John should also take time to think about the kind of love he showed. Was it unconditional and sacrificial? Did he love her with his words, his time, and his action? If he was behind in this aspect, then he needs to show more dedication and devotion in any next relationship.
It's essential to look at the compromises that were made. Did John often put the needs of others before himself? Did he consider his ex's emotions when making decisions? Did he show restraint when it came to disagreements? If the answer is no, then John needs to think about the actions he can take to be more selfless and understanding.
Once John has given some thought to these issues, it may prove beneficial to reach out to his ex-girlfriend and tell her how much he loves and misses her. In order to do this, he should craft an honest letter explaining his reflections and regrets. He must be sure to exude genuine sincerity and emphasize that should the opportunity arise and his ex is willing, he wants to work on their relationship together.
Breakups can be difficult and hurtful experiences, and potentially be extremely trying for those involved. Though John may be feeling confused and alone, it's important for him to remember that healing and growth can always be found when looking at potential mistakes honestly and taking measures to rectify them.