Transitioning From Single to Complicated

“Now that I'm single, she needs to think about it”. This can be a tough place to find yourself in, it seems like you’re caught between two worlds and trying to figure out how to survive the journey from one to the other. Going from being in a relationship to single can be a difficult transition but life often presents us with complicated realities and it’s important to remember that nothing happens without a reason.

Many times when we find ourselves in a challenging situation like this, it can be hard to make sense of it. We can feel overwhelmed and unsure of our next step, forming questions that never seem to reach an answer. What is the best way forward? How could such a thing have happened? Will I ever get to where I need to be? All of these questions can be paralyzing and leave us feeling helpless and confused.

The first step towards easing this tension is to give yourself time to grieve whatever loss you are facing. Be gentle to your emotions and understand that healing takes place over time. Feelings of anger, sadness, fear and frustration are a natural part of this process and it is important to be kind to yourself as you go through it.

Once you have begun to take some space to process your emotions, try to reframe your mindset. Opening up to a potential new perspective and viewing the situation differently can bring about a sense of clarity and hope. Rather than dwelling on any hurt or negative feelings that may have accompanied your separation, look for silver linings and opportunities to come from what is unfamiliar. Even though change can be difficult, holding onto an attitude of openness can open the door to personal growth which can eventually enhance self-confidence and support an easier adaptation into the unknown.

Don’t be in a hurry to jump into the next relationship either. Begin building on your newly discovered freedom and explore the possibilities around you. Work on re-establishing your independence and embracing all the little things which remind you of who you are outside of the context of a relationship. Formulate goals you want to achieve for yourself and begin taking steps to get them done. Make decisions for yourself, even if they may seem insignificant, as a practice for fulfilling your own desires. These moments of self-exploration can help increase self-awareness, and allow you to learn more about what it is you really want.

Taking time to better understand yourself will also allow you to form relationships in an informed way and without settling. When it comes to finding someone who is right for you, have realistic expectations and stay true to your boundaries. Although there is always an element of unpredictability involved, stay strident in who you are and what you want; you will attract people who resonate with your energy and integrity.

While the initial transition may cause discomfort and turmoil, the eventual benefits are worth the challenge. Being alone for some time and being able to “think about it” will open up possibilities, allowing you to create a life that satisfies both your heart and soul.