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  • Paula Thompson
    Paula Thompson

    Re-Uniting Lovers After a Long Standing Summer - How to Deal With Breaking Up After a 7 Year Relationship

    As the warm glows of summer slowly fades into fall and towards winter, many couples find themselves facing their own season of change. For seven long years you gave your heart and soul to a committed relationship, in sickness and in health, and now suddenly its all ending. The sadness and confusion may seem unbearable, but it is possible to heal and learn from this experience, at times even reclaiming a sense of precious love lost.

    Regardless of how long a couple has been together, when a relationship comes to an end there can be a crushing sense of loss. Even if one partner initiates a break-up it can leave us feeling deflated, rejected, and betrayed. In some cases, when the split is abrupt due to an argument it can be hard to draw a definite line without failing to take into account the full breadth of the relationship.

    It can be extremely difficult to come to terms with the unanswered questions of why it had to end, what could have been done to prevent it, or how you can maintain a relationship that has both good and bad days. A healthy approach would be to look past the current events and remember the parts of the relationship that made you happy.

    Focusing on the positive moments will remind you of the beauty of your connection as well as provide insight into what kind of relationship would be better for both of you in the future. Turn it into a learning experience by reflecting on why things did not work out, discovering what could have been done better, and challenging your thinking by considering how the relationship transcended barriers such as pain and disappointment. Awake constructive conversations about what matters for each other as individuals and for both of you as a couple has a deep healing power.

    Weighing decisions on what to do next can also be a challenging task. When looking back at a relationship that lasted seven years, I like to ask myself the question “what would I choose to keep?” If the answer is that you choose to keep something, find a way to make it happen. Depending on the agreement between the two partners, determining a way to negotiate the terms of your parting can help bring closure to the breakup. It could be as simple as deciding to no longer speak your ex’s name, or it can be more elaborate such as carrying on a friendship with a couple of boundaries.

    When trust is broken during a relationship, it can be hard to regain. Acknowledge the hurt feelings and agree on ways to pursue healing. Find a safe space where both people can be heard, venting out ways to release pent-up emotions. Consider counselling, spiritual practices, or writing as methods to explore and gain insight into why it happened and develop tools for better communication in the future. Heal on your own terms with kindness to yourself and to your former partner.

    The end of a love affair consistently leaves a void, something that is meant to be filled with positive energy. Your future is always up to you, no matter what happened previously. Use the insights gathered from your previous relationship to wisely select your path moving forward. There is always a choice when it comes to accepting love in our lives. If you can look beyond the negative aspects, there is a lot of potential still left. What was lost can be restored with an open heart.

    Retracing the beginnings of a relationship can offer powerful benefits to both people, helping to give new life to old love and open the door to rekindled happiness. With the reflection of seasons and the passing of time, all is not always lost, and it just might be that it is possible to re-unite and relive those beautiful moments of old.

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