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  • Paula Thompson
    Paula Thompson

    My Painful Breakup: When All That You Love Is Lost

    The sadness that comes with the break up of a two-year relationship is like losing a piece of your heart. You loved selflessly, and trusted loyally, yet in the end your trust was broken and pain lingered like an unwelcome guest in your life.

    There are so many mixed emotions swirling in your head right now, it might seem like you're adrift on a ship in the middle of a violent storm. The waves crash against the boat, trying desperately to pull it down into the depths of a forgetful ocean. Anger at your partner, loss of trust in love, wanting to shut down and close off the good parts of yourself to anyone else so you never have to feel the pain again. Yes, the dark abyss of grief is opening around and beneath you.

    But while the pall of unhappiness is darker than any night, there is yet a glimmer of hope. Don't let it go, however weak it may be. There's still life worth living, and loving, and giving, no matter how much hurt it may take at first. All of the negativity and fear may seem to stand in your way, but for once don't let them paralyze you.

    This is real. The wounds are there, and even if the cauterized edges of those hurts start to reopen, let those feelings out. One of the most important pieces of advice when going through a breakup is to recognize what you're feeling and allow yourself room to grieve. Cry, scream, rant - do whatever allows you to express all the rage, sadness, and sorrow that threatens to overwhelm you.

    It is also important to remember to take care of yourself during this tough time. Reach out to friends who can offer an understanding ear, or spend time with family who could provide meaningful support and help you see the hardships life throws your way as experiences to learn from. If you're capable, go back to the past, to different moments between you and your partner, where joy and delight were still unmarred, capturing memories before they were broken beyond repair.

    Remember almost everything has a silver lining, no matter how much it doesn’t feel like it right now. Holistically, the sum of experiences is a string of emotions, both sweet and bitter. With time, the perspective will undoubtedly change, and maybe then you’ll be able to look back and find growth and spiritual elevation in the experience. Believe in the redemptive power of your present; you will soon learn that it can lead towards transformation.

    Though it feels that you'll never recover or never again look at love and feel the same, it's time to take the last step – forgiveness. Forgiveness not just of your partner, but of yourself, to forgive those moments you were too afraid, too uncertain, and of times you failed to understand the magnitude of the situation. Gather yourself from the brokenness and summon forth the strength to turn it into something beautiful. After all your struggles, you will be healed, for pain cannot last forever.

    So no matter how hard the storms of heartbreak seem to come, face it with courage and love. For only then, when the ashes of your grievances are settled, can there finally be a new dawning of peace.

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