When I think of love, all I feel is my heart closing up. A few months ago I lost the man I was in love with. He was the one who made me feel alive again after a particularly hard time in my life, but now he's gone. He died unexpectedly, and I can't quite wrap my head around why he left so soon. I thought he was the one, and now I'm left with a gaping hole in my heart.
I thought that I had healed and moved on with my life, but when my friends start to talk about finding someone special I just can't seem to picture ever opening my heart up again. I know it's normal to feel a little uncertain after something like this, but my lack of feelings for anyone else has gone past normal. It feels like my heart's locked away, never to be opened again.
Is my heart not ready to love again?
The death of a loved one is an extremely painful experience. It can leave a person feeling hollow and numb, and these feelings can stay with them long after their grief has subsided. It is completely normal to be apprehensive about allowing yourself to love again after losing someone, but it is important to remember that life is made up of moments which have to be embraced.
The first step towards healing your broken heart is to accept what has happened. Death may seem sudden and unexpected, but it is inevitable and ultimately out of our control. Allow yourself to acknowledge your loss, and then turn your focus to the present. It is easy to get caught up in the pain, but that pain should not define your future.
The next step is to understand that life is full of risk and that nothing is promised. Love requires vulnerability and the willingness to experience joy, even in the face of possible failure. The fact that you're trying to protect yourself from pain by avoiding love altogether is understandable, but it isn't healthy. Pain can help us grow and helps us to appreciate the small, everyday moments.
It is important to recognize that there is no timeline for healing or for finding love again. What worked for one person may not work for you, and that is okay. Find comfort in knowing that we all need different amounts of time to move on. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the space to heal slowly and steadily.