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  • Steven Robinson
    Steven Robinson

    5 Steps to ‘Let Him Go (He'll Come Back to You)

    1. The Paradox and Its Power

    The power of paradox lies in its ability to challenge our conventional thinking, shake our certainty, and encourage deeper understanding. In love and relationships, there are many such paradoxes, but one stands out in particular – "Let him go, he'll come back to you."

    This paradox calls into question our understanding of love and attachment. It suggests that in certain situations, detachment may actually strengthen a relationship rather than weaken it. It implies that letting go, rather than clinging on, could be the key to a healthier, more fulfilling connection.

    Understanding this concept requires not just an examination of the external relationship dynamics but also introspection into our personal emotions and behaviors. The idea of letting go may seem counterintuitive, but it can lead to personal growth and a deeper understanding of our emotional selves. This introspection paves the way for healthier relationships built on mutual respect, trust, and love rather than neediness and fear of loss (Stosny, 2011).

    2. Understanding the Idea of ‘Letting Go'

    ‘Letting go' is a term often misunderstood. It doesn't signify abandonment, indifference, or giving up on love. Instead, it's about allowing space for individual growth and development within the relationship, reducing emotional dependency, and enhancing emotional resilience (Manning, 2013).

    Letting go can be likened to a garden analogy. A healthy garden requires the right balance of sunlight, water, and space. Overwatering or crowding plants will not make them grow faster or healthier; in fact, it can damage them. In the same way, a relationship needs balance. Suffocating it with excessive neediness or emotional dependency can stifle growth and potentially damage the connection (Tartakovsky, 2018).

    When we say, "Let him go, he'll come back to you," we're advocating for balance and personal growth within the context of a loving relationship.

    3. Five Steps to 'Let Him Go'

    Navigating the path of 'letting go' is not always straightforward, but these five steps can provide guidance:

    1. Understand and Accept Your Emotions: Our feelings are valid, and it's important to acknowledge them. Whether it's fear, anxiety, or sadness, don't ignore or suppress these emotions (Grohol, 2019).

    2. Work on Self-improvement: Focus on personal growth and emotional health. Engage in activities that make you happy and help you grow as an individual.

    3. Set Healthy Boundaries: Respect your partner's space and allow him the opportunity to miss you. Setting boundaries doesn't mean cutting off communication but establishing a balanced interaction.

    4. Be Patient: Change takes time, and it's important to give your partner space to process his feelings.

    5. Maintain Open Communication: Honest and open communication is the key to any successful relationship. Express your feelings, but also listen to your partner's perspective.

    4. The Return: 'He'll Come Back to You'

    When you have successfully navigated the path of 'letting go,' the next part of the paradox comes into play – "He'll come back to you." It's crucial to understand that this is not a guarantee, but rather a potential outcome. It reflects the idea that when individuals are given space to grow, they often gravitate back towards relationships that provide love, support, and positivity.

    When a relationship is no longer characterized by neediness or emotional dependency, it allows both parties to appreciate each other's individuality. This newfound respect can strengthen the bond and deepen the connection (Hendrix & Hunt, 2007).

    However, there's also the possibility that he may not come back. This, too, is an important outcome to prepare for. the primary goal is personal growth and a healthier emotional state, regardless of whether the relationship continues or not.

    5. Embracing the Journey

    "Let him go, he'll come back to you" is a journey – one of emotional growth, self-discovery, and transformation. It's about realizing that love isn't just about holding on; it's also about letting go. And in the process, you may just discover that you've come back to a healthier, more authentic version of yourself.

    Whether he comes back to you or not, the journey brings invaluable lessons and personal development. So embrace this paradox of love. After all, love, much like life itself, thrives on the balance between holding on and letting go.


    1. Stosny, S. (2011). The Powerful Self. Psychology Today.

    2. Manning, J. (2013). How To Let Go Of Someone You Love. Psych Central.

    3. Tartakovsky, M. (2018). How to Detach and Let Go with Love. Psych Central.

    4. Grohol, J. (2019). How to Let Go of Letting Go. Psych Central. 

    5. Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. (2007). Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved. Atria Books.

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