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  • Steven Robinson
    Steven Robinson

    (5 Steps) Dealing with the Heartbreak: When 'Perfect' Isn't Enough

    The complexity of human relationships has always been an intriguing topic, a paradoxical blend of simplicity and intricacy. It is common to hear people say, 'he said I was perfect, then dumped me,' reflecting a baffling contradiction that leaves many women confused and hurt. How can one be considered perfect and yet be left behind? It's a question that seems to defy logic and convention, a paradox that serves to challenge our understanding of relationships and the nature of love.

    When faced with such a situation, one of the initial reactions is a profound sense of bewilderment, coupled with an instinctive denial. 'Perfect' is often associated with being irreplaceable and cherished. However, in the context of relationships, it can suddenly become synonymous with abandonment and heartbreak, a stark juxtaposition that throws our emotions into turmoil.

    But the complexity of human emotions and behaviors ensures that perfection does not equate to permanence. One can be perceived as perfect and yet, not be the right fit for someone else, a sentiment that raises eyebrows and challenges conventional wisdom. Yet, this is the reality of love and relationships. They are not always a perfect mirror reflecting our desires and expectations.

    A critical aspect of understanding this apparent contradiction lies in the perception of 'perfect.' Often, the term 'perfect' is understood as an absolute, implying that there is no room for improvement or change. However, in reality, 'perfect' is a relative term, varying from person to person, shaped by individual perceptions, desires, and experiences. Hence, being 'perfect' for someone at a specific moment doesn't necessarily translate into a long-term relationship.

    In relationships, people often project their ideals onto their partner, believing them to be 'perfect.' However, as the relationship progresses and the illusion of perfection fades, the reality of the individual's personality and habits becomes apparent. This change can lead to disillusionment and may result in one partner deciding to end the relationship.

    The phrase, 'he said I was perfect, then dumped me,' is undoubtedly painful, but it also harbors an opportunity for introspection and growth. It allows you to assess your understanding of relationships, your concept of self, and your expectations from a partner. By exploring these aspects, you can transform your heartbreak into a stepping stone towards emotional maturity and self-awareness.

    Step 1. Recognize your emotions: Understandably, being termed 'perfect' only to be dumped later can be a hard pill to swallow. It's natural to feel confused, hurt, and angry. Acknowledge these feelings instead of brushing them aside. Emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, are a part of the human experience and play a crucial role in our personal growth.

    Step 2. Question perfection: Understand that 'perfect' is subjective. What one person deems as perfect may not align with another's definition. Instead of striving to be perfect for someone else, focus on being authentic. Authenticity paves the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

    Step 3. Self-Reflection: Take this opportunity to introspect. Understand your role in the relationship, how you might have contributed to the dynamics, and what lessons you can draw from the experience. This is not about blaming yourself, but about learning and growing.

    Step 4. Look at the bigger picture: While it might seem difficult to accept now, understand that every relationship, even those that end in heartbreak, serves a purpose. Perhaps this relationship served to prepare you for something better, to teach you what you truly want, or to help you realize your self-worth.

    Step 5. Moving Forward: Embrace the notion that you are not defined by a single relationship or a single person's perception of you. it's okay not to be perfect. What matters most is that you are growing, learning, and continuing to strive for what you want and need in a relationship.

    The phrase 'he said I was perfect, then dumped me' can indeed be a complex, heartbreaking experience. It challenges our understanding of relationships, emotions, and self-perception. However, it is essential to remember that this is not the end. It is merely a chapter in your life, a stepping stone towards a future that still holds many beautiful possibilities. Use this experience to learn, grow, and move forward with renewed wisdom and resilience.

    You are not alone in this journey. Reach out to friends, family, or mental health professionals to help you navigate through this challenging time. And most importantly, remember to be gentle with yourself, because you are more than just 'perfect'—you are human.


    1. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
    2. "Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again" by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko.

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