15 Signs You Should Get Back with Your Ex

Key Takeaways:

• Rekindling love takes self-awareness.
• Emotions and past arguments matter.
• Check for emotional readiness first.
• Consider friends and family opinions.
• Healing and maturity are crucial.

Breakups can feel like the ultimate heartbreak, but what if there's a chance to rekindle things with your ex? It's a question that keeps many of us up at night, haunted by “what ifs.” Getting back with an ex isn't simple; it involves unraveling complex emotions, often influenced by what psychologists call the “rosy retrospection” effect, where we tend to remember the past more fondly than it actually was. So, how do we know if it's a good idea or just our minds playing tricks on us? Let's break down the clear, unmistakable signs and give your heart the clarity it deserves.

How do you know getting back together will even work

Before diving into whether you should give things another try, you need to ask yourself the big question: Will it even work this time? The truth is, relationships don't magically transform overnight. They require hard work, commitment, and, most importantly, a genuine understanding of why things fell apart in the first place.

Take a moment to think about what went wrong. Did you break up because of circumstances beyond your control, like a long-distance situation or clashing schedules? Or was it something more foundational, like a lack of respect or trust? The way you answer these questions matters because certain issues are more resolvable than others. And sometimes, as attachment theory suggests, our relationship patterns are deeply tied to childhood experiences. Healing might involve working on personal growth before stepping back into a shared romantic space.

One relationship expert, Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight, emphasizes the need for what she calls “emotional responsiveness.” She writes, “Love is a continual process of tuning in, connecting, and responding.” So, ask yourself: Can you and your ex be emotionally responsive to each other in a way that supports a healthier relationship?

15 signs you'll get your ex back

Now, let's explore whether getting back with your ex is really in the cards. These 15 signs will help you gauge if it's worth taking that leap of faith or if moving on is the healthier choice.

1. You broke up because of a silly argument

Let's be honest. Sometimes we break up over things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of life. Maybe it was a heated moment, an ego-driven clash, or an argument that spiraled out of control. If your breakup was caused by something trivial, then it might be a sign that the love you shared still holds potential.

But take a deeper look. Was the silly argument a symptom of something larger, or was it an isolated incident? Occasional bickering is normal, but if those small fights were fueled by underlying resentment, then getting back together might just lead to a repeat cycle. A moment of reflection can go a long way.

2. You still think of your ex a lot

If your ex occupies your mind more than they should, it could be a sign that your heart hasn't moved on yet. Thinking about them constantly, reminiscing about the good times, or even dreaming about a future together — these are telltale signs. We often hear about the psychological concept of “intrusive thoughts” in the context of loss, and it's normal. But here's the thing: if your mind and heart keep circling back to your ex despite your efforts to move forward, it may mean something deeper is at play.

There's a fine line between nostalgic memories and unresolved feelings. Recognize which one you're experiencing. If you're still thinking of your ex after considerable time has passed, it could mean your story isn't over. But be cautious. Are these thoughts productive and hopeful, or do they leave you feeling empty and stuck?

3. You defend your ex from your friends

When your friends criticize your ex, do you find yourself rushing to their defense? If so, it's a strong indicator that you still hold deep feelings for them. Friends often call out flaws because they care about your happiness, and it can feel like a betrayal when they voice harsh opinions. But when you instinctively protect your ex, it might suggest you aren't quite ready to let go.

Of course, defending them isn't inherently bad. Maybe you're just being fair, but if your reaction feels emotional or protective, pay attention. Your heart might be telling you that your ex deserves a second chance. Be honest with yourself — are you defending them because you believe they're misunderstood, or is it a habit you've developed because you haven't moved on?

4. You can't imagine your ex being happy with someone else

Let's admit it: seeing your ex with someone new can feel like a punch in the gut. If the idea of your ex moving on drives you wild with jealousy or pain, it could mean you still have lingering feelings. This reaction is rooted in a psychological concept known as “loss aversion,” where we feel more hurt losing something we had than gaining something new. In relationships, this can amplify our pain and make it hard to let go.

It's not just about feeling possessive. Sometimes, it's a reflection of love that hasn't faded yet. But tread carefully here. Ask yourself if this is a matter of still being in love or simply a bruised ego. There's a difference, and recognizing it can guide you toward the right choice for your well-being.

5. You can't seem to find a match

Every date feels underwhelming. You swipe and chat, hoping to find someone who gives you butterflies, but no one compares to your ex. Sound familiar? If you're constantly comparing new potential partners to your ex and feeling disappointed, it's a sign you haven't fully let go.

However, be mindful. Are you comparing because your ex truly was special, or is it because your heart isn't ready to move forward? Grieving a lost love often makes new connections feel less vibrant. Take time to heal if necessary, but acknowledge that if no one else feels right, your bond with your ex might still be strong enough to reignite.

6. Your ex still tries to win you back

Let's talk about your ex's actions. Are they putting in real effort to show you they've changed? Do they still reach out, share sweet memories, or try to make amends? If your ex is actively trying to win you back, it could mean there's unfinished business. Genuine actions, not just empty words, matter here.

Think about their motives. Are they genuine, or are they driven by loneliness? If they've made meaningful changes and are consistent in their behavior, it could be worth considering. People grow and evolve, and sometimes, timing is everything. But remember: actions should align with words. Be wise, not just hopeful.

7. Your parents ask you to give your ex another chance

Parents don't always get it right, but when they do speak up, we often listen. If your parents — who probably know you better than almost anyone — are encouraging you to reconnect with your ex, it's worth taking a moment to consider why. Maybe they saw the positive impact your ex had on your life or noticed how happy you were together.

Of course, this doesn't mean you should blindly follow their advice. Parents can be biased or driven by their own ideals, but if they consistently mention how good your ex was for you, it might reflect some truths you've chosen to ignore. Balance your parents' insights with your own feelings. Ultimately, only you can make this decision.

8. You treasure all the memories

Those memories still feel magical. Whether it's the time you both laughed until you cried or the spontaneous road trips you took, you cling to those moments with deep fondness. This isn't just nostalgia; it could be an indicator that your connection with your ex was profound and meaningful.

However, let's be real: Memories can be tricky. We often put them on a pedestal, forgetting the tough times that also existed. Ask yourself, are you holding onto an idealized version of the past, or do these memories genuinely reflect the core of your relationship? Treasure those memories, but don't let them blind you to the reality of your past together.

9. You and your ex were really great together

Not every couple has undeniable chemistry, but you two did. Maybe you had inside jokes that no one else could understand, or you communicated in a way that felt effortless. If you and your ex were truly great together, the compatibility might still be there. Relationships like that don't come around often, and if you both felt like an ideal team, it's a sign that your love story could have more chapters left.

But consider this: Were you great together consistently, or did the magic come in fleeting bursts? Being great together means that even when times were tough, you worked well as partners. If that was the case, there's real potential for a second chance.

10. You are both single

Sometimes, timing really is everything. If you're both single now, the universe might be nudging you back toward each other. Life can have a funny way of giving us opportunities when we're finally ready for them. If being single has given you both the space to grow and reflect, it could be the perfect time to see if love can bloom again.

But don't let being single be the sole reason for getting back together. It's tempting to fall into the comfort of the familiar, but make sure you're reuniting for the right reasons — love, not loneliness.

11. You haven't returned each other's belongings

That hoodie still lives in your closet, or perhaps you haven't returned that book you borrowed. Holding onto your ex's belongings might seem insignificant, but it often reveals an emotional attachment. Deep down, maybe you're not quite ready to close that chapter, and neither is your ex.

Of course, there's a difference between being forgetful and being sentimental. If these items bring you comfort or make you smile when you stumble upon them, it suggests a bond that's still alive. A little spark can be all it takes to reignite something beautiful.

12. You feel incomplete without your ex

Feeling incomplete without your ex is a heavy, soul-shaking sensation. It's not just about missing them in passing moments; it's about feeling like a part of you is missing. This could be because your ex became a significant part of your identity and life, so being apart feels like a painful void.

But pause for a second and think: Do you feel incomplete because you're genuinely connected, or is it a sign that you need to work on feeling whole within yourself first? Sometimes, our own healing is what truly allows love to thrive the second time around. Make sure you're not looking to your ex to fill gaps that only self-love can truly mend.

13. You both believe in second chances

Sometimes, love deserves another shot. If you and your ex both believe in the idea of second chances, it could mean that you're willing to put in the necessary work. Relationships don't always get it right the first time. People grow, circumstances change, and sometimes, what was impossible becomes entirely possible.

This mutual belief in second chances suggests hope and resilience, which are two important pillars for a relationship to stand on. If you both have expressed that you're open to trying again, it's a green light worth considering. It shows maturity and an understanding that love is often about getting up after a fall.

14. You are both mature now

Time has a way of changing us. Maybe the issues that once pulled you apart don't seem as insurmountable anymore because you've both grown. Maturity brings clarity, and it's possible that you both needed time to understand yourselves better before you could truly be good partners to each other.

Take stock of what's different now. Have you learned to communicate better? Are you more patient, more willing to compromise? If the answer is yes, your renewed maturity could be the missing piece to a successful relationship this time around. Just remember, maturity also means knowing when to walk away if necessary, so be honest with yourself.

15. You still love your ex

At the end of the day, love matters. If you still love your ex deeply, it's one of the strongest signs that you should at least consider a reunion. Love isn't easy to come by, and if it's still burning in your heart after all this time, don't ignore it. True love has a way of surviving even the hardest breakups.

But make sure that love is healthy. If it's full of respect, admiration, and genuine care, it's worth fighting for. However, if your love feels toxic or leaves you feeling more anxious than happy, it's not the kind of love you need in your life. We all deserve a love that lifts us up, not one that tears us down.

Conclusion

Deciding to get back with your ex is never an easy choice. It requires introspection, honesty, and a willingness to confront both the good and the bad from your past relationship. The signs we've discussed can serve as a guide, but remember: no one knows your heart better than you do. Sometimes, love is about taking a leap of faith, and other times, it's about knowing when to let go.

Ultimately, if your heart and mind align, and if both of you are committed to making it work, a second chance can lead to something beautiful. Be wise, be strong, and trust yourself to make the best decision for your happiness.

How can I get back with my ex?

Okay, so you've decided you want to give it another shot. What next? First, open up a line of communication. Reach out with sincerity, but don't rush things. Take the time to have an honest conversation about what went wrong and how you both have grown since then. Vulnerability is key.

Next, set clear intentions. If you both decide to move forward, make sure you're on the same page. Discuss boundaries, expectations, and how you can support each other. Consider couples therapy if needed. It can be an excellent way to navigate your new chapter with guidance.

Remember: take things slow. Healing and rebuilding trust take time, but if you're both committed, there's hope for a stronger and more resilient relationship. Keep communication open and practice empathy every step of the way.

Recommended Resources

• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver