How Can I Respect an Age Difference in a Relationship?

Dear eNotAlone: I'm in my late twenties and I've recently become interested in a woman in her early twenties. She's outgoing, beautiful, and funny—the trifecta of a great date. We've been on a few dates and I'm starting to fall for her hard. The only issue is that I'm worried about how our vast difference in age would be perceived by others. I feel like an older man dating a younger woman might be looked down upon or seen as inappropriate somehow. Even if our relationship continues to blossom, what would I do if people looked at us funny? How can I keep our age difference in perspective while still making sure our relationship is taken seriously?

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When it comes to dating someone significantly younger, societal expectations can make it tricky. Age differences can come with stigmas and negative connotations—but how you approach your relationship is up to you and the two of you alone. If things continue to develop, there are some steps you can take to ensure that you approach your relationship in an appropriate way that allows it to progress without the intrusive eyes of onlookers.

First, it's important to take the time to really get to know your new partner. Put aside your worries about age differences and spend time connecting with each other by learning each other's values, hobbies, and interests. Take time to go on outings and do activities that demonstrate that your connection is one of mutual appreciation, respect, and understanding. Showing those around you that you see the other person not as a younger "toy" but as an equal partner in a budding relationship will do much to counter any immediate perceptions of inappropriateness.

Second, don't be afraid to stand up for your relationship. In cases where external comments become more frequent or increased levels of judgment are present, arm yourself with the confidence of knowing who you both are as individuals and partners and don't be afraid to stand up for yourselves and defend the genuine connection and bond you've developed. Be sure to show that you and your partner are confident and strong together and that the trust and respect between the two of you is continued despite any criticism.

Discuss and communicate openly and often. Friends, family, and even strangers may not approve of your seemingly large age gap. It's important to discuss these issues with your partner. Keeping an open dialogue allows you to have honest conversations about any feelings of fear or inadequacy that arise as a result of age-related backlash, and can help to prevent any misunderstandings or miscommunications should any arise. By keeping communication channels open, you can both make sure that your relationship remains respectful of your age gap and that you and your partner remain in sync throughout the process.

It can be difficult to navigate intergenerational dating, either due to your own internal anxieties or those present in society. It's important to remember that while age differences can bring different life experiences, they don't define how meaningful your relationship can be. As your relationship grows, step out of your comfort zone to foster connection, continue to put effort into making your relationship strong and healthy, and be proud of your authentic connection with each other.