Dealing With Jealousy

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February 18, 2009

Jealousy is one of the most destabilizing of all emotions. It can be defined as a person's fears and anxieties around attention that they think is being given to or received by the one who is dear and important to them.

Most of the people experience the natural feeling of jealousy at some point in their lives when it comes to romance. Some people feel it more strongly than others and some even suffer from the feeling to the extent that jealousy starts consuming them. In some cases the feeling is justified and in others it is not. Frankly speaking, jealousy is a poisonous emotion, both for the person experiencing it and for their partner.

Jealousy is usually considered as a single, independent emotion, but in reality it is a whole bundle of feelings that interconnect with each other such as anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, anxiety, mania, paranoia, sadness, agitation, depression, loneliness, envy, coveting, feeling powerless, feeling excluded and so on.

For the most part, jealousy is a byproduct of one's own problems with self-confidence and self-esteem. It is also about a deep fear of the unknown and of change, fear of being abandoned and of losing power or control in a relationship, and also the fear that the needs will not be met. Jealous people feel often very insecure and anxious about their worthiness, feeling that they might not be good enough for the other partner. They may feel threatened by good looks of other people comparing them to their own selves and worrying that the other part might leave them at any time. Whatever the reason is that caused jealous emotions, whether justified or not, the feeling can become a huge factor in disconnection between couples.

Being in a relationship with someone who is very jealous, is very hard as in many cases it turns out that along with the jealousy suddenly comes control. Jealous partner wants to control everything the other part does, where they go, and who they communicate with. Sometimes extreme jealousy can also lead to sexual or physical violence. Violence will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if it started reaching dangerously high levels, it would be the best to break up, or if that is not manageable at that point, then there is a need to seek for help as soon as possible.

Jealousy can also easily become an obsession in both men and women. Someone who is being consumed by paranoid jealousy constantly draws in mind pictures and imagines situations where their partner is betraying them, and cheating on them. As a result, they always manage to convince themselves that the partner has done something not proper and humiliating for them. These endless suspicions are poisonous and can be fatal for any relationship. Very often another part gets sick and tired of constant accusations and suspicions, especially when the jealousy is unjustified, and leave the relationship.

So, how is it possible to prevent these ugly thoughts from appearing and from flooding one's mind at all? The best thing to start with is to start communicating your feelings with your partner. It is important to ask them why they have chosen especially you and also tell them openly that you love them. You may want to explain also that because they are so important to you, you are feeling jealous and insecure about the relationship. There is a great chance that your partner will reassure you of the fact that he/she is in a relationship with you because of feelings for you only and not someone better to come along.

Never feel in a negative way about yourself and certainly do not talk negatively about yourself. Self confidence is always respected by others and if you constantly keep thinking about positive things when negative feelings start invading you, a habit of doing so will be eventually developed in you.

It is a very bad thing when one of the partners tries to control the relationship. One person cannot control the other person as everyone has a mind and understanding of their own. If there is a feeling that the person cannot be trusted until you know everything they do, who they meet with, who they talk to, where they are, all the time, then either they are not worth trusting and will betray in any case, or your jealousy and paranoia will break the relationship. If your partner does things that you do not accept, it is always better to talk to them and let them know about your concerns, suspicions and pain, rather than spy and demand anything through fights and hysteria.

In addition to being a partner to the person you love, try to be their trustworthy friend as well. If the other part realizes and understands that they can trust you completely in any aspect, then the relationship is more likely to be much healthier and stronger and reasons for feeling jealous will subside, and eventually even disappear.




Tags: Personal Growth

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