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  1. #1
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    My Boyfriend Thinking other girls are "PRETTY"---h

    okay, i'm just going to say it right off the bat, i am insecure...but I am doing this to ask for advice and try to understand, because in reality I just don't get it...
    My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years. Its been great, we have the typical fight, we both have our typical jealousies, just a good relationship. He doesn't go to strip clubs with his friends or hang out with any girls, except when his sisters friends come over he'll hug them and stuff and there are a couple of her friends who did stuff with my ex-boyfriend while him and I were going out, but it doesn't bother me too much, just a little jealousy but i dont say anything to my current boyfriend. There's no point because I know he doesn't care for them or whatever. And I would sometimes find myself, when we'd watch a movie and a girl was naked or in her bathing suit, asking him if he found that girl hot or pretty b/c I thought she looked great and I wish i looked like that. He's always say no. And lately I have gotten worse about asking because he's been obsessed with watching tv until all hours of the night, and he'll leave my house because he says he's tired but he'll just stay up all night and watch something. A couple of times I fell asleep and woke up and he had Howard Stern on and there were, of course, porn stars on there, and I'm just liek why are you watching this. I mean they blur it out but it doesn't leave much to the imagination, its not like a funny show, its sexually oriented. They have other girls touching each other or they touch the girl to see if their breasts are real, but ugh, I just dont understand why he has to watch something like that, i just never thought he was the type of guy to watch that, must turn him on or something? But anyways, we got into a fight recently and he finally told me the truth that he does think other girls are pretty. And in the bottom of my heart it really hurt me when he said that, he's always made me feel like all other girls were ugly or weren't pretty. I really do not find any guys good looking, mean there is a clean look where the person is not ugly but they jsut look normal but not good looking to me at all. I always thought he was the same way, but then he was like yes i just didn't want to hurt your feelings and it really did. I didn't get mad but i cried. Its so silly and stupid but its made me even more insecure. He also said when i asked about other girls having nice bodies, he said that some do and of course that bothered me too. I've grown a lot more insecure, but I haven't been asking questions about other girls because i just dont want to think about it, but when i'm not w/him thats all i think about. Its not that he jsut finds like celebrities pretty, which they are cuz they are all made over and of course technology, but like his sisters friends he told me he never thought they were ugly but of couse he said some are pretty and what not. But this has really bothered me. I know it sounds so childish and i'm a sophomore in college so don't think i'm 15 or something. But i know there have to be some girls out there that understand how i am feeling. I just want to understand why he has to think that way...please, dont be too harsh, I understand that I am sounding pathetic, but you have to understand we all have our own insecurities. Unfortunately, this had to be mine

  2. #2
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    somebody please respond i just need some advice!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    Well, I am not really sure what to say...but yes as you admitted yourself you are being insecure. There is nothing wrong with him finding other girls pretty (it is only human to feel so) but he is with YOU and not with THEM so you should feel secure in that!

    Even if I am involved with someone and in love I don't think other people are ugly/unattractive. I might not be ATTRACTED to them, but I can still think they are ATTRACTIVE. I know the difference might be hard for some to understand, but there is definitely a difference.

    Your boyfriend is with you as he is attracted to YOU. If he did not find other girls pretty I would think he was not being entirely honest with you or himself! He is a guy, and there are instincts to look, but he is not touching! And obviously by often not telling you how he feels he was trying to not hurt you, and he cares about you...but he probably feels a bit uncomfortable anyway having to deny he finds others pretty too. You are not always going to be the most attractive person in the world by other people's standards, but you can be the one he is MOST attracted to, make sense?

    Have you ever thought of going for counselling? These insecurities can just grow and undermine a relationship and make it hard for you to ever really trust as well.
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT]
    [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B]
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I]


    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

  4. #4
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    going to counseling? why would i need to go to counseling for insecurities, its not like i dont realize it...my boyfriend and i talk about it, but he hasn't helped my insecurities, i just dont feel good enough. There has been times where ill tell him that i worked out and he'll say what did u do. And i'll tell him and he'll be like why didn't u do this workout. and i ask him why would he say that and he'll say because i want to make sure you are wokring on the right areas, like my butt. and it hurts. his family is like that if they see your flaw they will say something, so it builds up ur insecurities...but when u are with someone i dont understand why you would think other people are pretty or have a nice body

  5. #5
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    So i take it there is no one else out there that may feel the same as i do....that's not so comforting

  6. #6
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    It sucks because you hope the person you are with has eyes only for you, but to be quite truthful, they dont.

    We as human beings enjoy things of beauty, and if he tells you another girl is pretty, big deal. If says he wants to go out and sleep with other women, then I would be concerned.
    "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently."

    Very few people can be totally ruthless. It isn't easy; it takes more strength than you might believe.

  7. #7
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    Then why do i feel this way or think that way about others? I mean am i abnormal or something? I don't think i need counseling, like that other person said. I am just looking for advice and putting my emotions out for everyone to see and maybe give me more of an insight.

  8. #8
    Member Vanilla's Avatar
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    hey

    ok im a 19 yr old girl and have been with my boyfriend for like 1yr 7mos.
    My boyfriend and I are very in love but at the same time very aware that there are other good looking people out there. He does not tell me when he thinks girls nor do I tell him "woah that guy is hot". Sweetie, we fell in love, we didn't go blind.

    I love my boyfriend because he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl alive. He's very discrete when we pass a pretty girl in the crowd as I am too when we pass a good looking man. But its natural to notice attractive people.

    Lay down some rules with your boyfriend, my boyfriend and I have set the rules on porn, strip clubs, spending too much time with the opposite sex and cheating. Thats what bothers both of us. We have open communication and it works out great.

    I can't make him not look at other girls when im not around or notice good looking women on tv. As he can't make me not notice good looking men either. Everyone has fantasies, and its ok as long as you don't act out on them and keep them to yourselves.

    I think you need to realize that maybe you're a little too infatuated with your boyfriend. Take a deep breath, spend more time with yourself, go out and see that there are other good looking men. Chances are when he notices a pretty girl he's just like "well she's hot." and then his mind drifts to football or what he's got to do next. He doesn't spend his time thinking "boy i wish i could get her number and be with her" if not he would not be with you.

    You have to accept that this is normal. If not you're going tobe pretty miserable because any other man you ever date will also find other women attractive because it is NORMAL. If you keep this up you might scare him out of your life.

    I dont think he should be telling you what areas of your body to work on and you should kindly tell him that it makes you feel insecure when he points your flaws out. Mention how you don't go pointing how his tummy may need a bit more work or how he has chicken legs.

    I know most people wouldnt say myboyfriend is brad pitt but in my opinion while i think brad pitt is a hell of a man my boyfriend is still the most gorgeous guy in my eyes. just like my boyfriend probably finds those victoria secret commercials pretty sexy, i know he thinks i'm the most beautiful girl in his eyes. THink about it.
    Vanilla

  9. #9
    Platinum Member RayKay's Avatar
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    I don't think a recommendation of counselling for large insecurities should be something bad! Lots of people go to counselling to work on ways to improve their self confidence or understand why they do feel insecure. I mean if you can fix it without it, then fine, but you present it as being a large problem for you, wouldn't you rather just be more secure and confident? Counselling can help that..nothing to be ashamed of.

    It is normal as schatziek said to look at other people and find them attractive and you can't change your boyfriends instincts without making him feel really pressured in the relationship. Maybe him recommending what to work on is not meant to be mean, but helpful? I get training tips and ask for them all the time (not so much to improve physique but because I am an athlete though). Maybe due to being insecure you think he is trying to point out flaws?

    Anyway, it is normal for him to look, and since obviously you are very bothered by it, I recommended counselling to help you with the insecurities...it is not a personal attack to recommend it to someone.
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]<--- [COLOR=sienna]Carbun the Super-Bunny[/COLOR][/B][/COLOR][/FONT]
    [B][FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=#556b2f][/COLOR][/FONT][/B]
    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=darkolivegreen][B]At the end of the day, how you imprinted on someones life and heart is the only true mark any of us leave on this earth and is what we are most proud of... [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- My Biggest Hero and Mentor: My Mum.[/SIZE][/I]


    [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=orange][B]Il faut d'abord durer [/B][/COLOR][/FONT][I][SIZE=1]- Ernest Hemingway[/SIZE][/I]

  10. #10
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    sorry, i'm not taking offense to it, its just now i feel like this is a huge problem. I just feel terrible because I want to just ignore it but it does kind of hurt because i always thought he thought like i did. And to think he jsut kept it from me, feels like theres more to it, even though there's not but i dunno. Thanks for the advice though.

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