Confused and Highly Depressed

Shai-anne · 12-08-2004, 08:09 AM

Hi there all you lovely people. Hope everyones doing alright. I have a problem with my current boyfriend. He was previously married for nine years and has fathered two kids (9 year old son and a 5 month old baby. Our relationship started out based on lies that he had fed me. Firstly he told me he was divorced and that he was living with his sister. At the time we started going out he was driving a taxi but now he has a decent paying job that I have organized for him. He lives with me and my two kids ( 17 year old daughter and 16 year old son ) His wife confronted me with the truth about a month ago , I was so shaken by all the lies he told me I went into depression. I have been hurt so many times before and I feel that I cant handle anymore hurt.

He claims to love me and tells me that he wont leave me and go back to her but he does not want to divorce her so we can marry. What should I do ? Someone please help.... I feel I am drowning. I am so scared that he will do what he did to her to me. Do you think I am doing the right thing in allowing him in my home and loving him.

Mun · 12-09-2004, 04:51 AM

I'm sorry you are hurting. Things really should not be this way, I'm afraid you have given your trust and your love to a man who is used to playing games.

I think you are doing yourself great harm if you stay with him. First of all he lied to you, then you had to get him a decent job, now he does not want to divorce so he can marry you, which I imagine is something you really want. I am really sorry, but I don't see you being happy with this man long-term.

Unfortunately you have invested yourself way too much here and he really has not--and it sounds to me that he is not going to if he can help it.
My advice is RUN... and don't look back. I'm sorry I try not to say that unless I see major problems and in this case that is what I see.

I hope you will find the strength to make a wise decision because your heart, your family and your sanity depend on it.

One more thing.. if he loves you he will do anything to be with you--remember that. Be firm about what you want, do not waver.. if he will not make you happy then he is not the right man for you.

Your fears and anxiety are justified--trust your instincts.

Shai-anne · 12-09-2004, 05:12 AM

I am seriously thinking of running but I am soooo scared. The situations seems to be getting worse now. Last nite he kept me up until 1 in the morning acusing me of having an affair because I told him to get out of my life.

I cant take it anymore, maybe I will just contemplate suicide. My heart cant handle the pain again and again.

Mun · 12-09-2004, 07:20 AM

The pain again and again? what are you referring to?

Suicide is not the answer. You have the power to do something here. You have a child to live for also. I hope you think about this calmly.

You don't have to live this way. He is being abusive by putting it now on your shoulders and making YOU out to be the bad guy.

Be strong. The fact that you have come to this site says you want to do something about your situation. It is not hopeless.

Prosper · 12-09-2004, 07:24 AM

Hi Pal,
HANG ON!! He will be out of ur life soon! if u think of suicide u are playing into the game of his wife. I believe his wife would cant wait to see u dead to be back with her husband! ..
U may toss in ur bed in the nite, unnerve by him, control by him, but the sun will rise and the rainbow will set in!

Thanks for reading.. Keep on praying u are almost there!

Shai-anne · 12-09-2004, 08:48 AM

I was reffering to being used by so many men that brought hurt and pain to me. I DONT want to take that anymore.

Shai-anne · 12-10-2004, 02:14 AM

Thanks people 4 all the advice.

Anyways the bad news is that I am pregnant with his child.
Gynae claims that I am one month pregnant.

ebola316 · 12-10-2004, 02:25 AM

Hang in their Shai, we're all trying to get through this minute by minute. I can't tell you yor're going to feel better without him, because that would be a lie. But you know yourself, that you would be better off without him.

Shai-anne · 01-07-2005, 04:34 AM

Hi guys and gals

The situation I was in seemed to subside. Firstly he left me about 4 weeks and went back to his wife. Secondly he stole my cellphone and 2 grands from me.

He called me last week to tell me that he was going to shoot me because I was telling people that he was a user and that he was not worth it. I aslo had a miscarriage two weekes ago and I feel like hell. Part of his clothes is still at my house.

BUT even though he has done all that bad stuff to hurt me I still love him with all my heart. Every night and throughout the day I hoped he would change and come back to me, maybe we can work this out. I feel like I am all alone and there is no one that I trust enough to confide my feeling to. I wrote him a letter and posted to his work saying some nasty things to him yesterday, hopefully he will realise I am so hurt by all the things he did. I should have listened to my sixth sense telling me to becareful of him but I just shoved it off. His wife called me and laughed at me saying that she has her husband back and that I am a b**ch. It hurt so much that everyone around me is rubbing salt into the wound.

Does this pain go away- If it does when and how long more deos one have to live through this.

Depite the odds I loved him then and I still love him more than anything. I would do anything to have him back in my arms again. Maybe I am just kidding myself.

OceanEyes · 01-07-2005, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shai-anne

I feel like I am all alone and there is no one that I trust enough to confide my feeling to.

THIS is the problem Shai. If you're always going to attach yourself to men who don't even respect you to begin with, I'm sorry to say, but you will never actually be happy and have a good relationship. Love does not hurt you this much, steal from you, threaten to SHOOT YOU, etc. What you feel is not love, it's loneliness.

I would advise you to get involved in your community, so something, ANYTHING to get your mind off of this idiot and try to gain some positive influences in your life. This man will never bring you anything but pain, and I can't help but wonder whether or not he will end up IN JAIL at some point in his life.

12-08-2004, 08:09 AM	#1
Shai-anne Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: South Africa-Durban Posts: 6	Confused and Highly Depressed Hi there all you lovely people. Hope everyones doing alright. I have a problem with my current boyfriend. He was previously married for nine years and has fathered two kids (9 year old son and a 5 month old baby. Our relationship started out based on lies that he had fed me. Firstly he told me he was divorced and that he was living with his sister. At the time we started going out he was driving a taxi but now he has a decent paying job that I have organized for him. He lives with me and my two kids ( 17 year old daughter and 16 year old son ) His wife confronted me with the truth about a month ago , I was so shaken by all the lies he told me I went into depression. I have been hurt so many times before and I feel that I cant handle anymore hurt. He claims to love me and tells me that he wont leave me and go back to her but he does not want to divorce her so we can marry. What should I do ? Someone please help.... I feel I am drowning. I am so scared that he will do what he did to her to me. Do you think I am doing the right thing in allowing him in my home and loving him.

12-09-2004, 04:51 AM	#2
Mun Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Way down South! Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 4,194	I'm sorry you are hurting. Things really should not be this way, I'm afraid you have given your trust and your love to a man who is used to playing games. I think you are doing yourself great harm if you stay with him. First of all he lied to you, then you had to get him a decent job, now he does not want to divorce so he can marry you, which I imagine is something you really want. I am really sorry, but I don't see you being happy with this man long-term. Unfortunately you have invested yourself way too much here and he really has not--and it sounds to me that he is not going to if he can help it. My advice is RUN... and don't look back. I'm sorry I try not to say that unless I see major problems and in this case that is what I see. I hope you will find the strength to make a wise decision because your heart, your family and your sanity depend on it. One more thing.. if he loves you he will do anything to be with you--remember that. Be firm about what you want, do not waver.. if he will not make you happy then he is not the right man for you. Your fears and anxiety are justified--trust your instincts. __________________ Ecclesiastes 3:1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12-09-2004, 05:12 AM	#3
Shai-anne Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: South Africa-Durban Posts: 6	Thanks Muneca I am seriously thinking of running but I am soooo scared. The situations seems to be getting worse now. Last nite he kept me up until 1 in the morning acusing me of having an affair because I told him to get out of my life. I cant take it anymore, maybe I will just contemplate suicide. My heart cant handle the pain again and again.

12-09-2004, 07:20 AM	#4
Mun Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Way down South! Gender: Female Age: 41 Posts: 4,194	The pain again and again? what are you referring to? Suicide is not the answer. You have the power to do something here. You have a child to live for also. I hope you think about this calmly. You don't have to live this way. He is being abusive by putting it now on your shoulders and making YOU out to be the bad guy. Be strong. The fact that you have come to this site says you want to do something about your situation. It is not hopeless. __________________ Ecclesiastes 3:1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

12-09-2004, 07:24 AM	#5
Prosper Offline Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Singapore! Age: 26 Posts: 522	HANG ON Hi Pal, HANG ON!! He will be out of ur life soon! if u think of suicide u are playing into the game of his wife. I believe his wife would cant wait to see u dead to be back with her husband! .. U may toss in ur bed in the nite, unnerve by him, control by him, but the sun will rise and the rainbow will set in! Thanks for reading.. Keep on praying u are almost there!

12-09-2004, 08:48 AM	#6
Shai-anne Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: South Africa-Durban Posts: 6	Muneca I was reffering to being used by so many men that brought hurt and pain to me. I DONT want to take that anymore.

12-10-2004, 02:14 AM	#7
Shai-anne Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: South Africa-Durban Posts: 6	Thanks people 4 all the advice. Anyways the bad news is that I am pregnant with his child. Gynae claims that I am one month pregnant.

12-10-2004, 02:25 AM	#8
ebola316 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: still on a mountain Posts: 167	Hang in their Shai, we're all trying to get through this minute by minute. I can't tell you yor're going to feel better without him, because that would be a lie. But you know yourself, that you would be better off without him.

01-07-2005, 04:34 AM	#9
Shai-anne Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: South Africa-Durban Posts: 6	Hi guys and gals The situation I was in seemed to subside. Firstly he left me about 4 weeks and went back to his wife. Secondly he stole my cellphone and 2 grands from me. He called me last week to tell me that he was going to shoot me because I was telling people that he was a user and that he was not worth it. I aslo had a miscarriage two weekes ago and I feel like hell. Part of his clothes is still at my house. BUT even though he has done all that bad stuff to hurt me I still love him with all my heart. Every night and throughout the day I hoped he would change and come back to me, maybe we can work this out. I feel like I am all alone and there is no one that I trust enough to confide my feeling to. I wrote him a letter and posted to his work saying some nasty things to him yesterday, hopefully he will realise I am so hurt by all the things he did. I should have listened to my sixth sense telling me to becareful of him but I just shoved it off. His wife called me and laughed at me saying that she has her husband back and that I am a b**ch. It hurt so much that everyone around me is rubbing salt into the wound. Does this pain go away- If it does when and how long more deos one have to live through this. Depite the odds I loved him then and I still love him more than anything. I would do anything to have him back in my arms again. Maybe I am just kidding myself.