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Thread: If a guy really likes a girl, will he always go after her?

  1. #1
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    If a guy really likes a girl, will he always go after her?

    Just want to ask all the men out there: if a guy likes a girl, will he always go after her? Not necessarily ask her out (I know that takes guts), but at least call her/chase her/try to see her/etc?

    I've been reading that relationships book "He's Just Not That Into You", which basically says that women should not waste their time obsessing over men who aren't interested. The authors argue that if a guy really likes a girl, he will ask her out. They say that men will always go after a girl they like, and if a guy doesn't, it means he's "just not that into you" (hence the title of the book) and a woman should just move on and find someone who *is* into her. She shouldn't chase or pursue a guy, because the theory is that if he likes her enough, he will chase *her*.

    This theory appeals to me - I've spent too many hours getting upset and pining after guys who weren't really into me.. too much heartache

    Do you think it's a good theory? What if a guy is really shy? I'd love to know what other people think




     

    There is no remedy for love but to love more - Henry David Thoreau

  2. #2
    Member Holy Torture's Avatar
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    I am posting as a shy guy.. I don't always go after the girl im crushing on.. as a shy guy I am genuinly afraid of rejection.. The only reason I asked out my current gf was because I had asked a mutual friend to try and pry out some info if she would go out with me..

    So as a rule No if he is a shy guy
    Something is cold and blank behind her smile
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    In her miracle mile

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    if there shy they usually just glance at you and look away before you see them. and they will do stuff like try to see you a couple times a day like around school and stuff. but if a dude is not interested hes not interested. shy people sometimes its really hard to tell if there interested. when they like you just check if most of the time they always have there feet tapping on the ground around you. sounds pretty childish but for most shy guys this goes away after you talk to them alot. a guy will display signs if hes not interested. NEVER MIXED SIGNALS THOUGH. we dont display mixed signals like well write you a nice letter or note one day then not do it for a long time. it wont really happen if you notice things start to build up frequently after a month, your in luck and the dudes not shy. if you notice things will happen like checking you out usually whenever the dude looks at you theres a good chance he likes you unless your clothes are wacky. well if this happens for longer than 3 months and if hes not a friend and this type of stuff occurs theres a good chance the dude likes you.

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    With all due respect Holy Torture (and without meaning to sound condescending) - I think when you're 15, almost *everyone* is shy. I certainly was!!

    I guess I'm talking about people who've been dating for years - you know, adults who've been 'around the block' for a few years and have been in adult relationships.

    But you make a good point. You know, you should just go for it and show a girl that you like her - it'll make her so excited inside
    There is no remedy for love but to love more - Henry David Thoreau

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member rusty_boi's Avatar
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    id have to say the theory is wrong because some guys think a girl is way outa their league and so they dont botha.
    These are the cards life has dealt you. How you play them is entirley up to you. - Rusty_boi

    You can use a previous failure as an excuse to fail again or a reason to succeed - Rusty_boi

  7. #6
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    It depends on the guy. If a guy is really shy, he probably won't go after her. If he's bold and confident, you can bet your bottom dollar that he'll ask her out. Shy guys tend to be more passive whereas extroverted guys will make the move. Usually a guy's body language and behavior towards a girl gives it away. If I like a girl, I tend to tease her and bother her a lot. But many guys would never do that to a girl they like - they remain quiet and at a loss for words.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member ForAnother's Avatar
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    I think the reason that not all guys will ask a girl out is cuz... that would be A LOT OF WOMEN... I mean... for me I don't "ask out." I just chill, talk to them here and there... see if I like them. I never "ask out" though. Perhaps its cuz I am only 18, and I go to college. The way I started with my ex was cuz she wanted me to get her some alcohol... so i did a run with some friends and brought it to her. I went into the room... and we talked for a bit. Then it was like "we should do this again sometime" sorta thing.

    I typically don't "ask out" untill I know the person. The way I know them is through just normal situations through school... and over time you ask out.

    Now, I don't chase. I am not chased much, and I usually reject if I am chased (I don't like women chasing me, let me to the initiating... k? thnx). I chase if I am really really intrigued by a girl... I mean I gotta be head over heals. If not then I just carry on like I don't even like a girl.

    Can I ask people why they would fear rejection? What have you got to lose? some pride? if you lose pride from that, then you need some help.. possibly very insecure.

    ForAnother
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    ....\...(......(....).... lost
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    ... ......... ........... same

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by ForAnother
    I think the reason that not all guys will ask a girl out is cuz... that would be A LOT OF WOMEN... I mean... for me I don't "ask out." I just chill, talk to them here and there... see if I like them. I never "ask out" though. Perhaps its cuz I am only 18, and I go to college.
    I'm out of college and I don't have any female coworkers my age so the only chance I'm going to get to talk to a girl is by asking her out. It sucks because I can't get to know a girl except by asking her out but I have to ask her out before really knowing her and she doesn't really know me so it can be a little nervous sometimes. I don't know why, it just some chemical thing in your brain.

    Lots of times I think a girl is out of my league, but lots of other times I like a girl and don't want to ask her out because I think I am out of her league

  10. #9
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    Simple is best

    Hi

    The notion that there is a direct correlation between a person's fear of rejection and level of insecurity is crap, for so many reasons. For instance, at the root of any sort of acquaintance with another person there is a basis - the perception of shared values or beliefs, shared tangible activities, "chemistry" - something. It happens this way because as humans we are social beings and subconsciously seek acceptance from others and recoil rejection, and are therefore drawn to people and situations where we are likely to be accepted. Its also why most people feel quite intensely nervous just before delivering a speech to a large group, for example. We don't feel like this because we are insecure, it's because it is how we react once we know that we are openly risking our acceptance by other people by addressing them in that way.

    Now you mix this basic instinct with the instincts involved in dealing with the opposite sex and you're bound to have someone affected if rejection occurs. So it does make sense to consider these risks before "asking someone out".

    I will go out on a limb and say that by and large guys are rational with their thinking on most things, including this. They'll weigh up both negatives and positives before taking action, which means that they will not necessarily ask a girl out they "fancy".

    Lack of rationalism here erodes transparency, which obviously means that the risk that something doesn't happen between two people that should, based on the facts, is increased. Mind games, inconsiderate conduct, manipulation - deliberate or not - they're just a few examples of things that don't leave room for rationalism, and therefore transparency.

    My advice? In your situation I think that you should do exactly what I would do - weigh it up. How much do you "fancy" him? (Remember to base your "profile" on your own deductions, not on others' opinions). If you decide its worth pursuing, drop a few clear hints or even "ask him out". This promotes transparency by enabling him to weigh everything up as well.

  11. #10

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    Well, another guy posting
    and well, it just depends on the person, you get guys who, if they like a girl, will ask them out within 5 seconds of meeting them, but there are others who are just much too shy to ask, and they are usually the nicest people, just quiet-ish.
    I've seen a friend (guy) of mine pursue another friend (girl), who he _really_ likes.. but hes just been too shy to ask her out, and maybe a year after they knew each other, and they got close friends, he told her his feelings.. but she rejected him, and hes been getting worse and worse lately, in general, and towards her... but thats another story.

    So that theory in the book, in my opinion, is a bad one.. Shy guys might take a long time to tell a girl his feelings, usually only when he knows her better. So theres no way to know really if someone really likes you, theres always probably hints, the way he looks at you, but not much else



    gunblade

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