possible pregnancy with abusive father

excelalways · 11-25-2004, 11:59 PM

my friend, 17 yrs old, has been dating a guy for about 5 months now. they are sexually active, and he is the biggest [Profanity Removed by Moderator] ever. he monitors everything she does (internet, phone calls, email--EVERYTHING). she's not aloud to talk to other guys (that is--except my boyfriend, because he's scared of him because he was the only person to speak up about what he's been doin).

this guy has left all kinds of bruises on her. he punched her in the stomach, gave her a black eye, her arm was covered in bruises just the other day because he they had an argument while she was driving with him in the car and he kept grabbing her. and no--thats not the half of it.
reasons why she puts up with his crap are unknown. she's scared of being alone.

now she thinks she might be pregnant. and i think she might be too. but if she is, should she keep him around? she talks about breaking up with him all the time, and acts like the pregnancy test will decided (and she will keep him if she is pregnant). but if she has a baby with this guy, i'm afraid he will hurt the baby. he hits her all the time, and i know he wont treat a baby right when it keeps him up all night.

please help me find something to tell her. i want her away from him with or without a baby, but i cannot convince her. she is beautiful and sweet, and would have no problem finding anyone better than him.

Meow18 · 11-26-2004, 01:58 AM

Honestly, why is she keeping this guy around? He does nothing for her beside hurt her. She may think that its either a stage he's going through or that he really does loves her. Maybe he does love her, but things are only going to get worse. This guy needs serious help. Soon he might not even let her talk to her friends at all. She deserves better.

Its good to be concerned about the child, especially if she is pregnant. This guy has some real issues. No guy in his right mind would act this way. I wouldn't be surprised if he hurt the child. Its his way to have control and power over your friend.

Whether she is pregnant or not, she needs to leave him. I would feel much better off raising a child by myself than raising it with someone who abuses me and may one day abuse the child as well. Even if he doesn't beat the child, the child will see what his father is doing to his mother. That kind of thing can really hurt a child. He needs to have a good role model father figure in his life, cause he will learn his ways from him.

If she does turn out pregnant, it seems like she has a lot of close friends, like you and her boyfriend who are willing to help out. She can also put the baby up for adoption. Just let her know that you are there for her no matter what.

You need to help your friend. The fact that she is still with this guy shows that she's probably got really low self esteem, which was most likely caused by him. Who knows why she is still with him, maybe she loves him, maybe she doesn't think she can do better, maybe she fears how he will react about her wanting to leave him.

You need to show her that she is strong enough. Your friend is in danger being with this guy. The longer she stays with him, the more controlling he will become over her life and things will just get worse.

Talk to her about this. Tell her that her safety really matters to you and you want to see her with someone who respects her. I think she just really needs to be shown how important she is to you and how much danger she is putting herself in. Tell her that you are willing to do anything and help her in any way.

**avman** · 11-26-2004, 10:36 AM

How is her relationship with her parents? How about your relationship with her parents? I think its time to talk to them about what is going on. Or talk to a school counselor and clue them in on the abuse.

I know this might seem like a betrayal, but she and the baby are in danger. The things this guy is doing could kill the baby (and ultimately kill your friend if he keeps it up).

Maggie18 has some excellent advice. Tell your friend that you love her too much to just let her stay in that kind of situation. Tell her that you will go with her to talk to her parents or a counselor or whoever. Just clue some people in to the situation. Then she doesn't have to deal with it on her own. But if your friend just won't do it, I highly suggest that YOU tell someone. Yes, your friend will get upset. But better to have her upset and alive, than happy with you and hospitalized or dead.

June4life · 11-26-2004, 08:03 PM

She really needs to get out of there and talk to people. She needs to see a doctor as well!

excelalways · 11-28-2004, 11:44 AM

thank all of you for your help. so far, i've tried all i know.

she's very confusing and i know i cant control her and i wish i could. she tells him she loves him and wants to be with him forever. she tells me that she's close to breaking up with him. i've talked to my parents and they dont seem to think its a big deal.

i hate to do it but i think i will call her parents and let them know one day when she's at work. i know she'll hate me for it but i'm so worried about her and i don't want to see her with this guy anymore.

11-25-2004, 11:59 PM	#1
excelalways Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 23 Posts: 31	possible pregnancy with abusive father my friend, 17 yrs old, has been dating a guy for about 5 months now. they are sexually active, and he is the biggest [Profanity Removed by Moderator] ever. he monitors everything she does (internet, phone calls, email--EVERYTHING). she's not aloud to talk to other guys (that is--except my boyfriend, because he's scared of him because he was the only person to speak up about what he's been doin). this guy has left all kinds of bruises on her. he punched her in the stomach, gave her a black eye, her arm was covered in bruises just the other day because he they had an argument while she was driving with him in the car and he kept grabbing her. and no--thats not the half of it. reasons why she puts up with his crap are unknown. she's scared of being alone. now she thinks she might be pregnant. and i think she might be too. but if she is, should she keep him around? she talks about breaking up with him all the time, and acts like the pregnancy test will decided (and she will keep him if she is pregnant). but if she has a baby with this guy, i'm afraid he will hurt the baby. he hits her all the time, and i know he wont treat a baby right when it keeps him up all night. please help me find something to tell her. i want her away from him with or without a baby, but i cannot convince her. she is beautiful and sweet, and would have no problem finding anyone better than him. __________________ love -me

11-26-2004, 01:58 AM	#2
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	Honestly, why is she keeping this guy around? He does nothing for her beside hurt her. She may think that its either a stage he's going through or that he really does loves her. Maybe he does love her, but things are only going to get worse. This guy needs serious help. Soon he might not even let her talk to her friends at all. She deserves better. Its good to be concerned about the child, especially if she is pregnant. This guy has some real issues. No guy in his right mind would act this way. I wouldn't be surprised if he hurt the child. Its his way to have control and power over your friend. Whether she is pregnant or not, she needs to leave him. I would feel much better off raising a child by myself than raising it with someone who abuses me and may one day abuse the child as well. Even if he doesn't beat the child, the child will see what his father is doing to his mother. That kind of thing can really hurt a child. He needs to have a good role model father figure in his life, cause he will learn his ways from him. If she does turn out pregnant, it seems like she has a lot of close friends, like you and her boyfriend who are willing to help out. She can also put the baby up for adoption. Just let her know that you are there for her no matter what. You need to help your friend. The fact that she is still with this guy shows that she's probably got really low self esteem, which was most likely caused by him. Who knows why she is still with him, maybe she loves him, maybe she doesn't think she can do better, maybe she fears how he will react about her wanting to leave him. You need to show her that she is strong enough. Your friend is in danger being with this guy. The longer she stays with him, the more controlling he will become over her life and things will just get worse. Talk to her about this. Tell her that her safety really matters to you and you want to see her with someone who respects her. I think she just really needs to be shown how important she is to you and how much danger she is putting herself in. Tell her that you are willing to do anything and help her in any way. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

11-26-2004, 10:36 AM	#3
avman Offline Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Minnesota Gender: Male Age: 42 Posts: 6,526	How is her relationship with her parents? How about your relationship with her parents? I think its time to talk to them about what is going on. Or talk to a school counselor and clue them in on the abuse. I know this might seem like a betrayal, but she and the baby are in danger. The things this guy is doing could kill the baby (and ultimately kill your friend if he keeps it up). Maggie18 has some excellent advice. Tell your friend that you love her too much to just let her stay in that kind of situation. Tell her that you will go with her to talk to her parents or a counselor or whoever. Just clue some people in to the situation. Then she doesn't have to deal with it on her own. But if your friend just won't do it, I highly suggest that YOU tell someone. Yes, your friend will get upset. But better to have her upset and alive, than happy with you and hospitalized or dead. __________________ "Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." Desmond Tutu

11-26-2004, 08:03 PM	#4
June4life Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: New York Age: 29 Posts: 378	She really needs to get out of there and talk to people. She needs to see a doctor as well! __________________ -June4life

11-28-2004, 11:44 AM	#5
excelalways Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 23 Posts: 31	thank all of you for your help. so far, i've tried all i know. she's very confusing and i know i cant control her and i wish i could. she tells him she loves him and wants to be with him forever. she tells me that she's close to breaking up with him. i've talked to my parents and they dont seem to think its a big deal. i hate to do it but i think i will call her parents and let them know one day when she's at work. i know she'll hate me for it but i'm so worried about her and i don't want to see her with this guy anymore. __________________ love -me