Knowing that a child is being abused.

OceanEyes · 11-24-2004, 11:30 AM

I was recently speaking to a friend who told me that her boyfriend hits, and threatens his daughter with a fly swatter. Apparently the other day, he "didn't mean to", but ended up hitting her face. She went to school and they called Child Protective Services. When they came to see her, she told them the truth: daddy hits me.

Now my friend is wondering whether or not she should go forward and help the little girl, and tell CPS other things that she knows (further abuse).

What are your opinions on this?

hockeyboy · 11-24-2004, 11:33 AM

absolutely

Scout · 11-24-2004, 11:39 AM

Your friend knows other things her boyfriend is doing to her own child and is wondering if she should report it?? Ocean, if she doesn't, then will you? You could do in anonymously, you know.

**arwen** · 11-24-2004, 11:41 AM

It must be very difficult for your friend, but I think the rights of a child are always a top priority.

She has one thing to consider and I think two options. The thing she might consider is being with this man in the first place. And of course, her meddling between him and his daughter is not going to make the relationship easier.

The two options I think are:

1. stay in touch with the school of the child and not CPS. Ask the school to take care of this, they have a degree of influence and this indirect approach might be less dangerous for herself.
2. Being in touch with CPS she can stay with the man and see things developing as an insider. But directly confronting him might be dangerous for himself.

I think she should continue looking out for that child. One of my best friends has been hit and sexually abused by her father and she is in fulltime therapy right now. In a period of life she should be living like we all do, with uni and jobs and boyfriends.

Goodluck,

Ilse.

PS I don't know exactly how things work in your country, so it could be I am wrong about the influence of a school. If she would live here, I would suggest the first option.

OceanEyes · 11-24-2004, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scout

Your friend knows other things her boyfriend is doing to her own child and is wondering if she should report it?? Ocean, if she doesn't, then will you? You could do in anonymously, you know.

Well, it's not her child, and I don't know this girl very well. I met her while working with her this summer and have kept in touch via MSN messenger. I do not know him or his daughter, so to just start making phone calls and reporting abuse without having a bit more knowledge of the situation seems a bit irresponsible.

She brought it up last night, wanted to talk to someone about it I guess. Apparently she's been with him for about 6 months but just recently started witnessing the abuse.

I will definitely report it, and could care less if he knew it was me.

Scout · 11-24-2004, 11:55 AM

Yeah, I just re-read this and saw it was his own daughter. So, that does make it more difficult for your friend, but nevertheless...I agree that a child's safety and rights are top priority.

How can people do this to children...I can understand a spanking if they are being really bad, although I tell myself (now, that is - I don't have kids) that I would try not to spank them. But realistically, I am sure almost every parent spanks at one time or another. But hitting in the face...bruising, terrifying a child...I just don't get it.

OceanEyes · 11-24-2004, 12:00 PM

Yeah, I agree, which is why I'm contemplating filing a report.

Supposedly the abuse doesn't end there; she said that he threatens her constantly, swears at her, constantly yelling demands and pulling her around by her arm. It's horrible!

All I can do is make a report. And even then, CPS just shedules some kind of appointment (ahead of time) to meet with the father and try to assess the situation. So even then there are no guarantees that the kid gets any help. It takes more than one report for them to take serious action.

Scout · 11-24-2004, 12:18 PM

Well, it takes that first report to get things started. I seriously hope his girlfriend takes action, too. What a miserable jerk he sounds like.

hockeyboy · 11-24-2004, 12:19 PM

somebody should beat him and see how he likes it.

Scout · 11-24-2004, 01:44 PM

Unfortunately, Hockeyboy...that's probably why he's an abuser. It was very likely done to him. It's a vicious circle.

11-24-2004, 11:30 AM	#1
OceanEyes Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,883	Knowing that a child is being abused. I was recently speaking to a friend who told me that her boyfriend hits, and threatens his daughter with a fly swatter. Apparently the other day, he "didn't mean to", but ended up hitting her face. She went to school and they called Child Protective Services. When they came to see her, she told them the truth: daddy hits me. Now my friend is wondering whether or not she should go forward and help the little girl, and tell CPS other things that she knows (further abuse). What are your opinions on this? __________________ There is no map to human behaviour. - Bjork

11-24-2004, 11:39 AM	#3
Scout Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 7,292	Your friend knows other things her boyfriend is doing to her own child and is wondering if she should report it?? Ocean, if she doesn't, then will you? You could do in anonymously, you know. __________________ If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. * * * One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie * * * Bob Ross rules! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpF_ZGD4Ps

11-24-2004, 11:41 AM	#4
arwen Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	It must be very difficult for your friend, but I think the rights of a child are always a top priority. She has one thing to consider and I think two options. The thing she might consider is being with this man in the first place. And of course, her meddling between him and his daughter is not going to make the relationship easier. The two options I think are: 1. stay in touch with the school of the child and not CPS. Ask the school to take care of this, they have a degree of influence and this indirect approach might be less dangerous for herself. 2. Being in touch with CPS she can stay with the man and see things developing as an insider. But directly confronting him might be dangerous for himself. I think she should continue looking out for that child. One of my best friends has been hit and sexually abused by her father and she is in fulltime therapy right now. In a period of life she should be living like we all do, with uni and jobs and boyfriends. Goodluck, Ilse. PS I don't know exactly how things work in your country, so it could be I am wrong about the influence of a school. If she would live here, I would suggest the first option. __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

11-24-2004, 11:55 AM	#6
Scout Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 7,292	Yeah, I just re-read this and saw it was his own daughter. So, that does make it more difficult for your friend, but nevertheless...I agree that a child's safety and rights are top priority. How can people do this to children...I can understand a spanking if they are being really bad, although I tell myself (now, that is - I don't have kids) that I would try not to spank them. But realistically, I am sure almost every parent spanks at one time or another. But hitting in the face...bruising, terrifying a child...I just don't get it. __________________ If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. * * * One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie * * * Bob Ross rules! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpF_ZGD4Ps

11-24-2004, 12:00 PM	#7
OceanEyes Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,883	Yeah, I agree, which is why I'm contemplating filing a report. Supposedly the abuse doesn't end there; she said that he threatens her constantly, swears at her, constantly yelling demands and pulling her around by her arm. It's horrible! All I can do is make a report. And even then, CPS just shedules some kind of appointment (ahead of time) to meet with the father and try to assess the situation. So even then there are no guarantees that the kid gets any help. It takes more than one report for them to take serious action. __________________ There is no map to human behaviour. - Bjork

11-24-2004, 11:33 AM	#2
hockeyboy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New England Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 2,963	absolutely

11-24-2004, 12:18 PM	#8
Scout Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 7,292	Well, it takes that first report to get things started. I seriously hope his girlfriend takes action, too. What a miserable jerk he sounds like. __________________ If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. * * * One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie * * * Bob Ross rules! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpF_ZGD4Ps

11-24-2004, 12:19 PM	#9
hockeyboy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New England Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 2,963	somebody should beat him and see how he likes it.

11-24-2004, 01:44 PM	#10
Scout Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 40 Posts: 7,292	Unfortunately, Hockeyboy...that's probably why he's an abuser. It was very likely done to him. It's a vicious circle. __________________ If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise. * * * One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. - Dale Carnegie * * * Bob Ross rules! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOpF_ZGD4Ps