He cheated and hurt me...and now he's treating me like this.

[maynards_razorblade69]

Hiya there,
I went out with my ex/boyfriend for a year and a half. In that time he cheated on me four times, once with my best friend. He never really phoned me, only saw me out of college once a week, and even that was rare. He only ever came round for sex, he never made me feel good about myself, he was more into his mates and his "band" than me, I could never trust him, he never spent any time with me etc. So it really really upset me, and when I finally found out about the last time he cheated on me I found the strength to tell him it was over. That was three months ago.
Last Friday, in the morning, I was having lunch with my girl friends and we all decided to give him another chance, and I phoned him up asking if he wanted another go. I don't know why I did this, except I know that the thought of him with another girl, and not me made me so upset and angry. This is because he cheated on me so many times, and it really hurts me to imagine him with these girls. Anyway, so we were "going out" again.
That night I went to go and see a college play he was acting in. In the interval he decided to go up on the stage and play some music with his "band" and his "mates". So I was deserted again, by this time having some mixed feelings.
The party afterwards, he was hanging around with his "mates" and the stereo, changing the music all the time and ignored me. Also, when this girl who he likes came up to him and started talking, I walked up to him to give him a hug and he literally turned away in my arms.
I don't understand why a guy who has been begging me for the past three months to go back out with me would treat me like this? Does he just like the chase, or just want sex, or what? I'm really confused and its really upsetting me.
Another thing is, there is a boy I like. He has been really sweet to me over the past few months, and apparently when my friend told him I was going back out with this guy, his face fell and he went all quiet, then came to congratulate me. He sat outside the party with me when I was crying, put his arm around me and said that guy wasn't worth it, and I deserved better, and that he loved and wanted me.
So...should I break up with my ex/boyfriend again, or continue, hoping things will get better? Or do I cut my losses now, get the hell out of the relationship and start dating someone worth what I have to give? It sounds as though I know what I need to do, but I'm really confused.
Thanks for all replies,
Lottie
xxx

[Scout]

Is he really just in for the sex and just likes the chase? Based on all your posts, yes, that pretty much sums him up.

I am sad that your friends advised you to give someone who caused you so much pain another chance. I am sad that you feel he deserves it.

I am afraid that for some reason, you have decided this man is someone you have to reform, even though your mind knows there is no chance of this happening.

Can I ask - are you someone that likes the chase, as well? Because that's what your whole relationship with this guy has been. One long, futile chase. What do you get from that?

[tea]

eh, you know the answer. RUN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK!

=/ Why allow him to treat you like that? If I were you, I'd be out of the door and waving goodbye when he said he was going to go hang with his mates instead of you.

[alch]

If hes not respecting u then ur better off not having him at all
go for the the guy that cares for u, obviously the other guy whos avioding u has some issues or isnt ready for a commiting relationship.

[maynards_razorblade69]

I don't like the chase much. I obviously like to get to know people and try and seduce them/flirt etc, but I like to settle down in a long term relationship with them afterwards. It hurts, he was my first real boyfriend and I keep thinking, if I didn't love him anymore, surely I wouldn't feel jealous of anyother girl having him?
That's the real issue here. Another thing is that my friends don't really know how much he's hurt me, because I don't really tell them my feelings or cry in front of them, plus....they're friends with him! And he flirts with them which upsets me greatly, and makes me feel jealous.
thanks

[Scout]

Well, if he's your first real boyfriend, that kind of explains why you gave him more than his fair share of chances. I hope you understand that this was not a "normal", healthy relationship, and definitely not something you should ever expect or put up with again in another one.

[JonnyG]

Im still trying to understand why your still with this loser ......nah.....I don't think i'll understand why.

[Cadence308]

You are in an unhealthy relationship and should get out. Do you have low self-esteem issues? Is that why you are still with this guy? He treats you like crap, cheats on you and even with your friend, and you get back with him. I think that you should question your friendships if you have friends that would sleep with your boyfriend and then tell you to get back with him. For some reason you are choosing people that treat you badly and I think that you should look within yourself and ask why.

[angelicshadow]

About your last post...did you go to the doctor?????? I was worried about you!

[OceanEyes]

Originally Posted by maynards_razorblade69

I don't understand why a guy who has been begging me for the past three months to go back out with me would treat me like this?

You seem surprised. Let's review:

Originally Posted by maynards_razorblade69

In that time he cheated on me four times, once with my best friend.

Judging by this, it sounds like he's been a liar and a jerk the whole time. Why would anything change? It's obvious that he doesn't have a conscience, so doing the "right thing" and treating you with some respect probably isn't on the top of his list of priorities.

Originally Posted by maynards_razorblade69

He never really phoned me, only saw me out of college once a week, and even that was rare. He only ever came round for sex, he never made me feel good about myself, he was more into his mates and his "band" than me, I could never trust him, he never spent any time with me etc.

Okay, so what really is so attractive about him? As Scout has said, hopefully you don't feel like you can "reform him" or change him, because this does not work. He doesn't even sound like a good person to begin with, let alone being able to be good to someone else. It sounds like his only concern is himself.

Originally Posted by maynards_razorblade69

Also, when this girl who he likes came up to him and started talking, I walked up to him to give him a hug and he literally turned away in my arms.

I'm sorry girl, but this guy just doesn't care enough about you to respect you. A guy who cares about your feelings will not treat you this way. This is something I think you will learn through more dating and seeing what other guys are out there. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but by what you've said here, that's how it is. He just doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Originally Posted by maynards_razorblade69

I don't understand why a guy who has been begging me for the past three months to go back out with me would treat me like this?

He has been treating you like this the whole time. This isn't some *new* kind of behaviour, he's been disrespecting you, lying to you, and hurting you the whole time! This is who he is; a selfish guy who is just too into himself to focus on another person for even a minute. I think if you step back and open your eyes a bit, you will see that he has been the same guy the whole time, and that he's not going to change for you.