Is she cheating, for the love of GOD, I MUST KNOW!!!

[frostilicus]

Ok here's the deal... I met my girlfriend while she was on the outs with her ex-boyfriend. They lived together but slept in separate rooms, and in the beginning, I didn't mind. We both seemed like we just wanted to have some fun, she wanted to feel wanted once again (they had been fighting and generally not speaking for 8 months at this point). She claimed that the reason she hadn't moved out and couldn't for some time was that her family owed him a large sum of money, and he'd threatened to take legal action against them if she were to leave him. I was understanding and continued to see her. Of course, feelings arose, emotions bubbled, and something came from nothing. We've been together for about 1 year and 5 months now, 9 months of which have been since she moved out. I know that she loves me, and I am madly in love with her, however this is where things get complicated. I'm 22 and she is 26, this is a problem for her. To illustrate my frustration, her old boyfriend was 36 or so and very successful. She thinks that I'm too young to know what I want, which in some ways may be true, but I'm not too young to know when something is too good to let go, or to pass up, and that the benefits of staying with her vastly outweigh the cost (if you must call it that). This woman is everything I've ever wanted in a partner. She gets along with everyone, she loves hockey and watches more sportscenter than I do, she loves my dry sense of humor... I could go on forever but this isn't the point of the story.

So here I am, 1 and a half years and I feel like she can't leave her old relationship behind. they talk like 3 times a week and send each other emails all the time. She made the mistake of leaving an email he'd sent her up on the computer and I felt kind of bad about reading it, but hey, it's her fault if she leaves it out on accident. She's been bugging me about getting a boob job and I told her that I would have no problem buying some fake [color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color][color=#fa7777]* [/color] for her once we're married or on our way to getting married, and after she hangs up her misgivings about my age and takes me more seriously. Well, in the email, he was responding to her request that, for her birthday, he gets her the surgeory. He said that he would, if she would come back to him and commit to him, and made a reference to how much he looked forward to putting his hands on them. Her response was basically "oh you and your conditions!" Kind of playful. But what really bothered me is that she signed the bottom of the letter "love, ****". I feel that i'm the only man outsude of her family that she should be saying this too and it reinforces the gut feeling that I've had about her still having feelings for him. She says they are just friends and that there is no chance of them getting back together (too much respect lost and whatnot, but I just don't believe it). Should I be bothered by the love remark, I mean it is hard to bury old feelings, but still...So, in your opinion, do you feel that she's cheating or going to cheat? Should i break it off? Before all of this, about 3 months ago, I bought her a promise ring and told her that she was everything I will ever want, am I just being paranoid?

[Mun]

Hi there,
I think she is being disrespectful to you in the way she is carrying on with her ex. I personally feel that she should not be discussing this surgery with him. Especially because it is something of sexual nature, know what I mean? I don't know if she is cheating, but the fact she is discussing this with him, I would be offended .

What do you want to do? I would have a good talk with her and tell her what your concerns are. If she loves you then she will respect what you have to say and do whatever possible to reassure you.

[Cadence308]

Muneca has a point. She is being disrespectful to you by carrying on with her ex like this when she has you. You need to talk to her about your feelings and that email that you read. The love comment would bug me and her ex's comments about buying her the boobs and putting his hands on them. Techniquely, you should be the only one touching them!

So far she hasn't given you a reason to think she's cheating on you. As far as you know she hasn't slept with her ex or kissed him. It does sound like she's way too tight with her ex, though.


You need to talk to her.

[DBL]

Ok...i won't disagree with anybody on this...she is disrespectful.

Now I will give my perspective of your relationship. Basically in a nutshell...your whipped!

Hint number 1, she is telling you that she is not sure she wants to be with you...but wants you to buy her boobs.

Hint number 2, she does not reject the idea of her x buying her boobs as a birthday present.

Hint number 3, it is doubtful she will get over your age.

Hint number 4, she probably wants bigger boobs for another reason, any reason but for you.

Hint number 5, most likely over the few months that she was at her x's...she probalby slept with him. I had a girlfriend that lived across from her x...I caught them. Thats like putting a bone in front of your dog and leaving him for the day. You know eventually the dog will give in and eat it.

Anyway...just from what you wrote...I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with her. There are trust issues that you have with her, they most likely will get worst, especially with you getting paranoid.

Good Luck
DBL

[maasikus]

Hey frostilicus

I think its too personal of a thing to be discussing her boob job with some1 else besides u - especially an ex. No matter how close friends they are / were, it doesnt seem appropriate. Moreover, the fact that she did not get angry about his remark about wanting to touch em, gosh thats a BIG hint dude.

Sorry to say this, but u need to reevaluate the relationship. The fact that she puts u down saying things about ur age gives me an inkling that she probably is not taking u as seriously as u think of her.

You deserve better treatment,Good luck man.
Maasikus

[Iceman26]

I personally never date girls who talk to their ex boyfriends. Period. She should only be talking to him to get her debt to him paid off. Anything more than that is grounds for termination of the relationship, at least in my opinion.

I would tell her that if she wants boobs, to buy them herself. I would also tell her to quit talking to her ex, or you are out of there.

I would see what she has to say to that, and go from there.

[Francis]

The fact that

She claimed that the reason she hadn't moved out and couldn't for some time was that her family owed him a large sum of money, and he'd threatened to take legal action against them if she were to leave him.

does not have the ring of true. Are you sure they slept in different rooms?

It is difficult to say whether she is cheating now, but for sure she is using one of you or both of you. She has two men, and she knows that if one of them says "NO" to something she wants, she can ask the other one.

She seems to be manipulative, cold and calculating. Basically, she has no values and you should be VERY careful before getting involved deeper with such a person.

[OceanEyes]

She's actually willing to accept money from you to purchase FAKE BOOBS? I'm sorry but this is beyond sketchy and should give you some insight into the kind of girl that she really is. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with a woman wanting a little "enhancement" in the chest area, but to accept money from you, even though she's not even sure she wants to be with you? Be careful of a woman who sounds, to me, like she may be a bit materialistic and not in it for love 100% (as DBL has said).

Have you sat her down and asked her about the e-mail? I think, for your sake, that she should make up her mind about your age. If she's not comfortable with it, then she's probably not totally comfortable with you. Of course this is something that becomes less significant with time, but if she's talking to her ex about her boobs, you may not make it that far. It's better to know now than later!