Eating Disorder - Stuck between a rock and a hard place

[Mr Mister1]

It's me again, I always seem to be coming back with more problems.
The girl I love has a serious eating disorder, she broke down a few weeks ago went to hospital and was told there that she needed to go to a special clinic to get profesional help.
The issue is the clinic isn't cheap, she pretty much has no money and is insitant that her family cannot know about it. She doesn't feel that she could move on with her life if they knew, believing it would ruin the family and that they would disown her.
I could, at a pinch, help her out financially, but should I? A lot of my friends are telling me it would just make things awkward later on if money is involved, but I don't really know any other way around this.
What do people think?

[crookster_man]

Oh this is a touchy subject. I wouldn't put money into this. This is something her family should know about. I very much doubt they would disown her. I'n fact I'm pretty sure she is just scared and embarassed.
You wouldn't be doing her any favours by bailing her out of this. She need to face her deamons. You can stand by her, but you cannot fight her battles, understand?

[serenity under fire]

An eating disorders can be a hard thing to live whith. Thay are also a dangerus thing to live whith. Anerexia , balimia and over eating are both psycological ilneses.
Theres lots of free clinics and counslers who know how to handel eating disorders. The family situation can be delt whith throu the counsler. Ilneses like this afect the entier family so thay shoud receve support to.

As for you remember you are not resposibule for her.Do the best you can to suport her in her recovery and try not to take on her stress.

live and let live

I hope this healps

[Mr Mister1]

thanks crookster_man and serenity under fire
first of all do you know the details of any free clinics? I will try find out about some myself.
On the family issue I'd need to convince her to tell them, I definatly don't think I should be telling them about it, if nothing else because of the possibility that she might be right. What makes it harder is it's been a wierd relationship where I don't know any of her friends or family so I don't have anyone close to her who I can confide with and by the sounds of it I'm the only person she's told.

[Francis]

Mr Mister 1 :

Crookter Man is absolutely right when he says :

You wouldn't be doing her any favours by bailing her out of this. She need to face her deamons. You can stand by her, but you cannot fight her battles, understand?

It seems you are involved in a co-dependent relationship. People who are involved in co-dependent relationships feels valued when others need them. You are allowing this person to put somehow too much pressure on you. You seem to feel overly responsible with respect to her.

This girl has major problems and, unless she takes the necessary measures, she will have major difficulties throughout her life. If you are constantly there to protect her, she will not acquire the maturity she requires to get by.

Take care.

[arwen]

I have suffered from anorexia for 3 years (a long time ago now). It is true, she has her own battle to fight. Surely you want to help. The only way of sticking through is just be there for her. Don't push her, don't ask for too much of her attention but let her now you cherish her and love her and you are there for her no matter what.

Financially, no, I wouldn't give her money. There are cheap and free clinics, but that is not the issue. The issue is that IF things wouldn't work out between the two of you, she would feel indebted to you forever. Feelings of guilt can form a part of an eating disorder. So adding up to that feeling won't help. Instead you might help her by calling her insurance and figure out some options that cost less. Who is paying for it now? Her parents? She?

Good luck and keep us posted. I recovered from anorexia, it takes a neverending willpower, but it's possible.

Ilse.