Boyfriend still mad over cheating I did 4 months ago

huckleberry-jinx · 10-07-2004, 04:44 PM

Okay... here's the story. He was gone to colorado and well.. I was madly in love with him. he was gone for 3 weeks already and I was going nuts!!! he had said he'd be home soon and then he told me he wasnt going to come home for another 3 weeks. then he told his guy friend he'd be coming home in the next week. I felt like he'd lied to me on purpose but he hadnt. Also he decided not to call me because I'd lost a game of strip poker (but all i had to do was flash these guys.) he was incensed after that and refused to call me but at that time i didnt know why he wasnt calling me. I felt like he was about to break up with me and he hated me. well my new friend jennifer and i talked to this one guy on the internet we knew and he invited us over to his house.. he apparently liked me a lot and i needed some appreciation. well when we got over there we ended up making out... and he went under my shirt.

Well 3 days and many crying phone conversations later, he decides to give me another chance. Jennifer again wants to hang out with guys. and... with another guy that liked me. well we ended up spending the night there... against everything i wanted to do i really didnt want to stay.. because i knew what i'd do.

I ended up making out with this guy intensely and doing some other stuff.. stuff i didnt want to do so i ended up crying and trying to run away. (he actually began to have sex with me and i was caught up in the moment.)

also that day i was all over my ex boyfriend and i'd playfully kissed another guy. (that made his total of me cheating to 5.) I was still ina horrid mind set.

Well after all of that (it was July 4th) he is still going out with me, but lately he's been really mean and spiteful and things... saying "well you're not the person i want to marry anymore" and junk like that. Though when he tried to break up with me a month before, HE called ME back crying his eyes out.

At the moment he is ignoring me and will not talk to me at all. I really do still love him and regret all i did, as when he returned everything shot me in the face. I want him and me to still be as close as we were but i'm aware i messed that up. But its October now... if he is still mad at me why is he still with me? He could get booty elsewhere...

HELP!

Bloodblade · 10-07-2004, 04:53 PM

my guess is that he is not strong enough to break up with you...poor guy...no offense but (FLAMING DELETED BY MODERATOR), making the mistake of cheating on him once was bad enough but then you go and do it multiple times? cmon!

the reason why he says all these spiteful things is because he has probobly lost all respect for you because of what you have done...i know that i have

im sorry if i came across mean, but dang girl what the heck were u thinking?

huckleberry-jinx · 10-07-2004, 04:56 PM

...riiiiiiiighty-o.. well he'd been mean to me before that. and after that when he got back with me he wasnt mean. why now? that's the question.

Meow18 · 10-07-2004, 04:58 PM

Well it seems to me like you have no self control, so I think that him ignoring you is what is best.

How could you do this to him 5 times?? If you loved him you wouldn't have made the same mistake that many times. I suggest learning a little self control & trying to not get yourself in situations when you know that you will do something you don't really want to.

Your boyfriend sounds to me like he doesn't want to let you go for whatever reason. Maybe he feels like he truely loves you & doesn't think he could ever be with anyone else. Maybe he;s got no respect for himself to let you get away with this.

Honestly I don't blame him for not talking to you. I've been cheated on before & being the stupid person I was, I took the guy back. He ended up doing it again & I never forgave him for that. I'll never talk to him again. It hurts like nothing else.

I don't mean to sound mean, but its true. You need to learn self control because anyone can control the choices they make. No one made you make out with a guy, no one made you almost have sex with him, no one made you go to his house. You chose to do that stuff & unfortunantly you are still getting yourself into those situations. If you know someone likes you, then maybe it would be wise to not hang out around them so much, especially if you know you can't control yourself.

If you really love your boyfriend, work on yourself. I can tell you now that he may keep taking you back, but one day he's going to realize that its not going to stop. I'm sure he's lost all trust for you. So you need to earn it back. Hanging out with these other guys that you can't control yourself around isn't going to make him trust you. Give him a reason to believe that you love him & earn his trust back.

As for him ignoring you, maybe its what you need to realize that he's getting fed up with it.

huckleberry-jinx · 10-07-2004, 05:01 PM

i did this in July and i havent done anything since... it was all at the same time. i dont see why he wont break up with me if apparently he doesnt like me anymore - but i havent been tempted any because of the fact i love him and he told me he loves me too and i've been in situations that i could have. i wont anymore.. i've made promises to myself. why doesnt anyone see this from my POV?

and HE says its 5 times.. I say 2 for real. everyone else I ask says flashing isnt cheating.

Bloodblade · 10-07-2004, 05:02 PM

maybe u should take a step back to see how distorted ur point of view is...

Meow18 · 10-07-2004, 05:09 PM

Honestly, I can't see it from your point of view. I couldn't even imagine cheating on my boyfriend. All I know is that I would hate myself if I ever hurt him like that.

I've been in situations where I could have too. One of my guy friends tried kissing me recently. I could have just given him the kiss he wanted, but I didn't. I pushed him away because I thought about how hurt my boyfriend would have been. This guy disrespected me & my boyfriend. He shouldn't even have tried to kiss me because he knew I loved my boyfriend more than anything. I'm not friends with that guy anymore because I'm so mad at him for what he did & if he doesn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend, then he doesn't respect me.

If I was in your situation, I would try to figure out how to win his trust back. Obviously now he's just really hurt about it. Maybe it was one of those things that he didn't really feel at the beginning. After you cheated the first time, maybe he thought "it was just a mistake", then the next times he thought "ok, she has problems but she loves me so she can work through them". Even though you haven't done anything in a couple months, its probably really hitting him & maybe he's thinking "If she loved me, she wouldn't even have done it the first time".

Who knows what is going through his mind. THe point is is that its finally kicking in. You cheating on him probably didn't even seem real at first. Now he's thinking about it more & the pain is starting kick in.

huckleberry-jinx · 10-07-2004, 05:17 PM

i can understand that better.

if i did cheat on him again i'd definitely want him to break up with me.

-.- no matter what

huckleberry-jinx · 10-07-2004, 05:26 PM

man i really love this guy though. it was questionable then but definitely not now... but if he doesnt like me i wish he would leave.

Cecelius · 10-07-2004, 05:32 PM

Flashing is not cheating, but its skanky and is like begging for someone to try something on you.

No offense, but you need to figure out why you have this "confusion" -- why is it that you definitely didn't want to hook up, but still did it. I think the answer is that you like the attention but need a b/f as a back up.

There is nothing wrong with wanting attention and to flirt and mess around, but stop saying things like "all I had to do was flash them" and "I didn't want to stay because I knew what I would do". You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, so stop blaming your own infidelity on "things just happening" or that you ended up doing x,y or z. And if you don't know what you want to do, you just end up doing whatever the dude you happen to be with wants to do. Where'e the personal satisfaction in that?

10-07-2004, 04:44 PM	#1
huckleberry-jinx Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Texas Age: 23 Posts: 9	Boyfriend still mad over cheating I did 4 months ago Okay... here's the story. He was gone to colorado and well.. I was madly in love with him. he was gone for 3 weeks already and I was going nuts!!! he had said he'd be home soon and then he told me he wasnt going to come home for another 3 weeks. then he told his guy friend he'd be coming home in the next week. I felt like he'd lied to me on purpose but he hadnt. Also he decided not to call me because I'd lost a game of strip poker (but all i had to do was flash these guys.) he was incensed after that and refused to call me but at that time i didnt know why he wasnt calling me. I felt like he was about to break up with me and he hated me. well my new friend jennifer and i talked to this one guy on the internet we knew and he invited us over to his house.. he apparently liked me a lot and i needed some appreciation. well when we got over there we ended up making out... and he went under my shirt. Well 3 days and many crying phone conversations later, he decides to give me another chance. Jennifer again wants to hang out with guys. and... with another guy that liked me. well we ended up spending the night there... against everything i wanted to do i really didnt want to stay.. because i knew what i'd do. I ended up making out with this guy intensely and doing some other stuff.. stuff i didnt want to do so i ended up crying and trying to run away. (he actually began to have sex with me and i was caught up in the moment.) also that day i was all over my ex boyfriend and i'd playfully kissed another guy. (that made his total of me cheating to 5.) I was still ina horrid mind set. Well after all of that (it was July 4th) he is still going out with me, but lately he's been really mean and spiteful and things... saying "well you're not the person i want to marry anymore" and junk like that. Though when he tried to break up with me a month before, HE called ME back crying his eyes out. At the moment he is ignoring me and will not talk to me at all. I really do still love him and regret all i did, as when he returned everything shot me in the face. I want him and me to still be as close as we were but i'm aware i messed that up. But its October now... if he is still mad at me why is he still with me? He could get booty elsewhere... HELP!

10-07-2004, 04:58 PM	#4
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	Well it seems to me like you have no self control, so I think that him ignoring you is what is best. How could you do this to him 5 times?? If you loved him you wouldn't have made the same mistake that many times. I suggest learning a little self control & trying to not get yourself in situations when you know that you will do something you don't really want to. Your boyfriend sounds to me like he doesn't want to let you go for whatever reason. Maybe he feels like he truely loves you & doesn't think he could ever be with anyone else. Maybe he;s got no respect for himself to let you get away with this. Honestly I don't blame him for not talking to you. I've been cheated on before & being the stupid person I was, I took the guy back. He ended up doing it again & I never forgave him for that. I'll never talk to him again. It hurts like nothing else. I don't mean to sound mean, but its true. You need to learn self control because anyone can control the choices they make. No one made you make out with a guy, no one made you almost have sex with him, no one made you go to his house. You chose to do that stuff & unfortunantly you are still getting yourself into those situations. If you know someone likes you, then maybe it would be wise to not hang out around them so much, especially if you know you can't control yourself. If you really love your boyfriend, work on yourself. I can tell you now that he may keep taking you back, but one day he's going to realize that its not going to stop. I'm sure he's lost all trust for you. So you need to earn it back. Hanging out with these other guys that you can't control yourself around isn't going to make him trust you. Give him a reason to believe that you love him & earn his trust back. As for him ignoring you, maybe its what you need to realize that he's getting fed up with it. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

10-07-2004, 05:09 PM	#7
Meow18 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: IL Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,884	Honestly, I can't see it from your point of view. I couldn't even imagine cheating on my boyfriend. All I know is that I would hate myself if I ever hurt him like that. I've been in situations where I could have too. One of my guy friends tried kissing me recently. I could have just given him the kiss he wanted, but I didn't. I pushed him away because I thought about how hurt my boyfriend would have been. This guy disrespected me & my boyfriend. He shouldn't even have tried to kiss me because he knew I loved my boyfriend more than anything. I'm not friends with that guy anymore because I'm so mad at him for what he did & if he doesn't respect my relationship with my boyfriend, then he doesn't respect me. If I was in your situation, I would try to figure out how to win his trust back. Obviously now he's just really hurt about it. Maybe it was one of those things that he didn't really feel at the beginning. After you cheated the first time, maybe he thought "it was just a mistake", then the next times he thought "ok, she has problems but she loves me so she can work through them". Even though you haven't done anything in a couple months, its probably really hitting him & maybe he's thinking "If she loved me, she wouldn't even have done it the first time". Who knows what is going through his mind. THe point is is that its finally kicking in. You cheating on him probably didn't even seem real at first. Now he's thinking about it more & the pain is starting kick in. __________________ Committing your love to someone means losing the chance to experience another person's love. So just be sure the person you are committed to deserves your love or else it’s not worth the sacrifice. Forget who hurt you yesterday, but don't forget who loves you today.

10-07-2004, 04:53 PM	#2
Bloodblade Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Age: 22 Posts: 25	my guess is that he is not strong enough to break up with you...poor guy...no offense but (FLAMING DELETED BY MODERATOR), making the mistake of cheating on him once was bad enough but then you go and do it multiple times? cmon! the reason why he says all these spiteful things is because he has probobly lost all respect for you because of what you have done...i know that i have im sorry if i came across mean, but dang girl what the heck were u thinking?

10-07-2004, 04:56 PM	#3
huckleberry-jinx Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Texas Age: 23 Posts: 9	...riiiiiiiighty-o.. well he'd been mean to me before that. and after that when he got back with me he wasnt mean. why now? that's the question.

10-07-2004, 05:01 PM	#5
huckleberry-jinx Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Texas Age: 23 Posts: 9	i did this in July and i havent done anything since... it was all at the same time. i dont see why he wont break up with me if apparently he doesnt like me anymore - but i havent been tempted any because of the fact i love him and he told me he loves me too and i've been in situations that i could have. i wont anymore.. i've made promises to myself. why doesnt anyone see this from my POV? and HE says its 5 times.. I say 2 for real. everyone else I ask says flashing isnt cheating.

10-07-2004, 05:02 PM	#6
Bloodblade Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Age: 22 Posts: 25	maybe u should take a step back to see how distorted ur point of view is...

10-07-2004, 05:17 PM	#8
huckleberry-jinx Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Texas Age: 23 Posts: 9	i can understand that better. if i did cheat on him again i'd definitely want him to break up with me. -.- no matter what

10-07-2004, 05:26 PM	#9
huckleberry-jinx Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Texas Age: 23 Posts: 9	man i really love this guy though. it was questionable then but definitely not now... but if he doesnt like me i wish he would leave.

10-07-2004, 05:32 PM	#10
Cecelius Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 727	Flashing is not cheating, but its skanky and is like begging for someone to try something on you. No offense, but you need to figure out why you have this "confusion" -- why is it that you definitely didn't want to hook up, but still did it. I think the answer is that you like the attention but need a b/f as a back up. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention and to flirt and mess around, but stop saying things like "all I had to do was flash them" and "I didn't want to stay because I knew what I would do". You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, so stop blaming your own infidelity on "things just happening" or that you ended up doing x,y or z. And if you don't know what you want to do, you just end up doing whatever the dude you happen to be with wants to do. Where'e the personal satisfaction in that?