Falling in love with a co-worker/friend...

VeganBohemian · 09-30-2004, 07:43 PM

Hey all. I am really looking for advice here relating to falling in love with a friend. I am going to try to analyze the situation for you all in great detail, so this may be quite long...but, if you have some time to kill, please, oh, please respond!

I began working at the A&P in my town about a year or so ago. I met this guy there who I happened to have break with on occasion. He was chubby (around 225 or more lbs), average height, wore glasses but did not look like a "dork". He was often very happy and would walk around with small smile all of the time. Even though his job was pretty miniscule, he really loved it. He stocked shelves and such. He was cute with a pretty decent sense of humor. He could range from sarcasm to affectionate to whatever else. He didn't work in my department though, so I didn't really see him all that often. Well, we became sort of friend-ish after a while. For instance, he asked me what my screen name was and such. Well, that is where the semi-friendship begins. I talked to him more often after that...we learned what each others interests were...well, I learned about his interests, he didn't really learn anything about me nor do I think he really wanted to. Basically, at work it was a two-way friendship...but, outside of work, I was always the one to IM him, not vice versa. Sometimes he would IM me though and call me "cutie" or "buttercup". But, he didn't do that all too much. Once in a while he would talk to me online, but he explained that he "didn't really like typing and would rather talk". Well, we never got each others numbers and still do not have them. But, anyway, so we started becoming better friends. He invited me over his house and I went...which proved to be a disaster, at least according to me because I was aiming for him to like me in a romantic way. The problem with this guy is that he is so into his own activities...he is a trekkie, he plays video games CONSTANTLY and when I say constantly, I mean constantly. He likes shooting games which do not interest me in the least. He is a devout conservative...I am a liberal thinker. He has a romantic aspect to his personality though...he likes Eric Clapton and can play guitar. He is sweet and caring in ways that I cannot describe. But, I just don't know how attentive a boyfriend he would be. Perhaps with all of his busy-ness concerning his interests, maybe he just does not have time for me right now.

You can see how we have many differences...but, we get along great and laugh a lot. We have had pretty good talks about all kinds of things.

Well, once we got to the "friend" stage, I started to not feel like that was enough. I began to develop a huge crush on him. He was nice and made me feel good. I ended up giving him my N64...which totally shocked him and he thanked me perfusely. I gave him my dad's old William Shatner Star Trek book which he also loved. I started to make it so I worked when he did and tried me hardest to have break with him. And I saw that he also was starting to be around me more often. For instance, one day I came into work and he knew I was working, so instead of just punching in and going to work, he came into the break room to talk to me beforehand.

He sends me mixed messages. He went through a period where he called me "cutie" all of the time (he doesn't really do that anymore), and talked to me a lot. So, I began thinking "wow, maybe I have a shot with this guy after all". But, the thing is, once a guy I have feelings for begins to show a slight interest in me, I start to act funny. I cannot even describe it...I get a new voice, an awkward one that shouts stupidity. I start acting weaker, like I need someone to show me how to do things. And this always end up making the person lose all interest in me.

But, last weekend, I was talking to him after I was away from work for three weeks and he happened to mention to me that there "isn't a lot of people I like and you're one of them". Then, I gave him a hug which he reciprocated. That night, after I was done with work, I walked aroung with him while he did his last half hour of work and we talked about various topics and so forth. It was nice.

I think about him all the time...I drive home from college every weekend just with the hopes that we have the same hours. I love when he smiles at me...I dream about us being together and it feels so right.

But, there is always a but and a what if of course.
Here are the major problems in my consideration of telling him how I feel about him:

1 - Our differing political and world views
2 - The fact that I have no clue as to whether he likes me even in the slightest bit
3 - We do not have that many similar interests
4 - He is kind of sexist in my opinion
5 - He is a homophobe (not that bad though...hes cool)
6 - He has never had a girlfriend
7 - I don't know my own feelings enough yet
8 - Scared of shocking him
9 - Don't want to ruin the friendship

Here are the things that make me want to tell him:

1 - I love...LOVE being with him
2 - He always makes me smile
3 - He is sweet and chubby and oh so cute
4 - I know he's a genuinely caring, nice person
5 - We are already friends who care about each other
6 - He just makes me happy
7 - I can picture us being a happy couple
8 - I cannot stop thinking about him

So, my problem is basically...do I tell him and risk the "friendship" or do I just keep it to myself to avoid the pain? ANY thoughts are apprieciated!

Alabama · 09-30-2004, 08:16 PM

If you really do love him, I would tell him. It seems that he does care for you, and depsite the differences you two have, this should not diminish your chances of love. I hope you make a good decision, and I wish you good luck on whatever you decide.

OldGuy · 09-30-2004, 10:18 PM

He's got it bad for you and thinks you're out of his league.

Tell him sometime that you really liked it when he called you cutie. That should wind him up.

You could IM him the bit about getting weird when you like a guy, so he'll know what to expect. Maybe do it as part of a conversation about personal problems.

The political differencs will work out, you are miles ahead of most people starting a relationship just knowing that much about each other.

And for god's sake give this poor guy your phone number.

VeganBohemian · 10-01-2004, 03:00 PM

OldGuy, I know a lot about him, but he doesn't know much about me. I don't get it...he WAS liking me and now he is acting so distant, but the SAME time not distant. I am SO SO SO SO confused! He hates talking to me online, but does make an effort to talk to me in person.

I decided to tell him sometime in the next two weeks...it's just a matter of how and when!

Thanks for the advice!

OldGuy · 10-01-2004, 03:40 PM

Good luck with him. I hope it works out for you. I remember being the age you are now as being really painful. Yet, still, I envy you both.

VeganBohemian · 10-01-2004, 08:42 PM

Omg...me and him had the best time at work tonight! He wasn't distant at all. I need to tell him how I feel. Friday most def! Ahhhh, I am so nervous, but also excited at the fact that this time next week we could be a couple!

OldGuy · 10-02-2004, 09:52 AM

Let us know how it turns out.

VeganBohemian · 03-03-2005, 01:13 PM

We went out for 4 months and broke up last night. He says he's not ready for a relationship, but he wants to remain good friends. He said that maybe we can get back together during the summer when he's not so busy. I wasn't all that happy with our relationship either, however I am severely depressed about this. I feel like I've lost something special and it's all my fault.

09-30-2004, 07:43 PM	#1
VeganBohemian Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: NJ Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 493	Falling in love with a co-worker/friend... Hey all. I am really looking for advice here relating to falling in love with a friend. I am going to try to analyze the situation for you all in great detail, so this may be quite long...but, if you have some time to kill, please, oh, please respond! I began working at the A&P in my town about a year or so ago. I met this guy there who I happened to have break with on occasion. He was chubby (around 225 or more lbs), average height, wore glasses but did not look like a "dork". He was often very happy and would walk around with small smile all of the time. Even though his job was pretty miniscule, he really loved it. He stocked shelves and such. He was cute with a pretty decent sense of humor. He could range from sarcasm to affectionate to whatever else. He didn't work in my department though, so I didn't really see him all that often. Well, we became sort of friend-ish after a while. For instance, he asked me what my screen name was and such. Well, that is where the semi-friendship begins. I talked to him more often after that...we learned what each others interests were...well, I learned about his interests, he didn't really learn anything about me nor do I think he really wanted to. Basically, at work it was a two-way friendship...but, outside of work, I was always the one to IM him, not vice versa. Sometimes he would IM me though and call me "cutie" or "buttercup". But, he didn't do that all too much. Once in a while he would talk to me online, but he explained that he "didn't really like typing and would rather talk". Well, we never got each others numbers and still do not have them. But, anyway, so we started becoming better friends. He invited me over his house and I went...which proved to be a disaster, at least according to me because I was aiming for him to like me in a romantic way. The problem with this guy is that he is so into his own activities...he is a trekkie, he plays video games CONSTANTLY and when I say constantly, I mean constantly. He likes shooting games which do not interest me in the least. He is a devout conservative...I am a liberal thinker. He has a romantic aspect to his personality though...he likes Eric Clapton and can play guitar. He is sweet and caring in ways that I cannot describe. But, I just don't know how attentive a boyfriend he would be. Perhaps with all of his busy-ness concerning his interests, maybe he just does not have time for me right now. You can see how we have many differences...but, we get along great and laugh a lot. We have had pretty good talks about all kinds of things. Well, once we got to the "friend" stage, I started to not feel like that was enough. I began to develop a huge crush on him. He was nice and made me feel good. I ended up giving him my N64...which totally shocked him and he thanked me perfusely. I gave him my dad's old William Shatner Star Trek book which he also loved. I started to make it so I worked when he did and tried me hardest to have break with him. And I saw that he also was starting to be around me more often. For instance, one day I came into work and he knew I was working, so instead of just punching in and going to work, he came into the break room to talk to me beforehand. He sends me mixed messages. He went through a period where he called me "cutie" all of the time (he doesn't really do that anymore), and talked to me a lot. So, I began thinking "wow, maybe I have a shot with this guy after all". But, the thing is, once a guy I have feelings for begins to show a slight interest in me, I start to act funny. I cannot even describe it...I get a new voice, an awkward one that shouts stupidity. I start acting weaker, like I need someone to show me how to do things. And this always end up making the person lose all interest in me. But, last weekend, I was talking to him after I was away from work for three weeks and he happened to mention to me that there "isn't a lot of people I like and you're one of them". Then, I gave him a hug which he reciprocated. That night, after I was done with work, I walked aroung with him while he did his last half hour of work and we talked about various topics and so forth. It was nice. I think about him all the time...I drive home from college every weekend just with the hopes that we have the same hours. I love when he smiles at me...I dream about us being together and it feels so right. But, there is always a but and a what if of course. Here are the major problems in my consideration of telling him how I feel about him: 1 - Our differing political and world views 2 - The fact that I have no clue as to whether he likes me even in the slightest bit 3 - We do not have that many similar interests 4 - He is kind of sexist in my opinion 5 - He is a homophobe (not that bad though...hes cool) 6 - He has never had a girlfriend 7 - I don't know my own feelings enough yet 8 - Scared of shocking him 9 - Don't want to ruin the friendship Here are the things that make me want to tell him: 1 - I love...LOVE being with him 2 - He always makes me smile 3 - He is sweet and chubby and oh so cute 4 - I know he's a genuinely caring, nice person 5 - We are already friends who care about each other 6 - He just makes me happy 7 - I can picture us being a happy couple 8 - I cannot stop thinking about him So, my problem is basically...do I tell him and risk the "friendship" or do I just keep it to myself to avoid the pain? ANY thoughts are apprieciated! __________________ "May your life be a reflection of what you believe, be the change you want the world to be." - Gandhi "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."

09-30-2004, 08:16 PM	#2
Alabama Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 1,433	If you really do love him, I would tell him. It seems that he does care for you, and depsite the differences you two have, this should not diminish your chances of love. I hope you make a good decision, and I wish you good luck on whatever you decide. __________________ Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb. Sir Winston Churchill "If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won before you have started." ~ Marcus Garvey

10-01-2004, 03:00 PM	#4
VeganBohemian Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: NJ Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 493	OldGuy, I know a lot about him, but he doesn't know much about me. I don't get it...he WAS liking me and now he is acting so distant, but the SAME time not distant. I am SO SO SO SO confused! He hates talking to me online, but does make an effort to talk to me in person. I decided to tell him sometime in the next two weeks...it's just a matter of how and when! Thanks for the advice! __________________ "May your life be a reflection of what you believe, be the change you want the world to be." - Gandhi "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."

10-01-2004, 03:40 PM	#5
OldGuy Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Texas Age: 55 Posts: 181	Good luck with him. I hope it works out for you. I remember being the age you are now as being really painful. Yet, still, I envy you both. __________________ Just an old guy in Texas

10-01-2004, 08:42 PM	#6
VeganBohemian Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: NJ Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 493	Omg...me and him had the best time at work tonight! He wasn't distant at all. I need to tell him how I feel. Friday most def! Ahhhh, I am so nervous, but also excited at the fact that this time next week we could be a couple! __________________ "May your life be a reflection of what you believe, be the change you want the world to be." - Gandhi "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."

09-30-2004, 10:18 PM	#3
OldGuy Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Texas Age: 55 Posts: 181	He's got it bad for you and thinks you're out of his league. Tell him sometime that you really liked it when he called you cutie. That should wind him up. You could IM him the bit about getting weird when you like a guy, so he'll know what to expect. Maybe do it as part of a conversation about personal problems. The political differencs will work out, you are miles ahead of most people starting a relationship just knowing that much about each other. And for god's sake give this poor guy your phone number.

10-02-2004, 09:52 AM	#7
OldGuy Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Texas Age: 55 Posts: 181	Let us know how it turns out. __________________ Just an old guy in Texas

03-03-2005, 01:13 PM	#8
VeganBohemian Offline Silver Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: NJ Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 493	We went out for 4 months and broke up last night. He says he's not ready for a relationship, but he wants to remain good friends. He said that maybe we can get back together during the summer when he's not so busy. I wasn't all that happy with our relationship either, however I am severely depressed about this. I feel like I've lost something special and it's all my fault. __________________ "May your life be a reflection of what you believe, be the change you want the world to be." - Gandhi "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."