Alcohol before talking to ex?

jmh1216 · 09-23-2004, 04:40 PM

I met my ex online, through a mutual friend, and we were both immediately attracted to each other. She wanted to talk to me on the phone, and I was totally scared, because she was like the perfect specimen of a person to me. I'm not a heavy drinker, but I had a bit of alcohol before our first couple phone conversations, and it loosened me up enough that I could talk to her and enjoy the conversation.

We broke up, and we've both been through a lot of pain, so it's probably going to be even harder to talk to her now, especially knowing that she probably feels so negatively about me right now. I need to act friendly and casual, and if she tries to turn to conversation bitter, I need to be able to keep it light. So, although I don't really think drinking to achieve something is a good idea, I also don't think it's a good idea to talk to her again unless I have a couple drinks in my system. I want to make a good impression, I want her to feel comfortable talking to me, and at least for the first couple conversations, I think that's the best way...

No, I won't come out and say something stupid because of the alcohol. It'll just help me be friendly without being nervous or overanalysing. I was just wondering what other people thought about this. Is it totally ridiculous, or what? Everyone says to recreate the conditions that brought you together in the first place... well, were it not for the alcohol, I'm not sure I'd have had the balls to talk to her!

guy40az · 09-23-2004, 04:55 PM

If you need to have a drink or two so you can talk to her on the phone I think that's ok and if that's what you did the first time you talk to her it should be ok, just as long as you don't drink to much and get to saying stuff you would have never said. It also makes some people get angrier. This could be a totally different conversation then your first one, I mean if she says something that will make you mad are you more likely to lash out at her if you have had a drink or to. That is the main question.

Empathy · 09-23-2004, 06:08 PM

I think it's ok for you to have a couple, COUPLE

of drinks before talking to her. But don't make a habit of it. This is a fear that you're going to have to learn to conquer in life w/out the help of alcohol. You can't get buzzed everytime you get nervous.

Good luck!

freeben321 · 09-24-2004, 02:30 AM

make it a couple of irish car bombs, and make a couple for me too...i could use em right now...

freeben

shocked&dismayed · 09-24-2004, 02:57 PM

Yeah,

It's fine.

But keep in mind there are a few other things you could do to get rid of your nervousness and be more able to go with the flow.

1) If you run, or like doing other exercise, go do your favourite for a slightly longer time than normal. That will not only help you release your anxiety, but it will also fill you with natural endorphins to make you brighter and more cheerful, so you kill two birds with one stone.

2) There is a theory about guys and how they are most honest with women when they aren't thinking subconsciously about sex. Remember that scene in "There's Something About Mary"? I'll let you figure out the rest.

Good luck

09-23-2004, 04:40 PM	#1
jmh1216 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Massachusetts USA Age: 26 Posts: 61	Alcohol before talking to ex? I met my ex online, through a mutual friend, and we were both immediately attracted to each other. She wanted to talk to me on the phone, and I was totally scared, because she was like the perfect specimen of a person to me. I'm not a heavy drinker, but I had a bit of alcohol before our first couple phone conversations, and it loosened me up enough that I could talk to her and enjoy the conversation. We broke up, and we've both been through a lot of pain, so it's probably going to be even harder to talk to her now, especially knowing that she probably feels so negatively about me right now. I need to act friendly and casual, and if she tries to turn to conversation bitter, I need to be able to keep it light. So, although I don't really think drinking to achieve something is a good idea, I also don't think it's a good idea to talk to her again unless I have a couple drinks in my system. I want to make a good impression, I want her to feel comfortable talking to me, and at least for the first couple conversations, I think that's the best way... No, I won't come out and say something stupid because of the alcohol. It'll just help me be friendly without being nervous or overanalysing. I was just wondering what other people thought about this. Is it totally ridiculous, or what? Everyone says to recreate the conditions that brought you together in the first place... well, were it not for the alcohol, I'm not sure I'd have had the balls to talk to her!

09-24-2004, 02:30 AM	#4
freeben321 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California, I think Posts: 31	yeah make it a couple of irish car bombs, and make a couple for me too...i could use em right now... freeben __________________ Life is like...(ask me if you want to know the rest)

09-23-2004, 04:55 PM	#2
guy40az Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 249	If you need to have a drink or two so you can talk to her on the phone I think that's ok and if that's what you did the first time you talk to her it should be ok, just as long as you don't drink to much and get to saying stuff you would have never said. It also makes some people get angrier. This could be a totally different conversation then your first one, I mean if she says something that will make you mad are you more likely to lash out at her if you have had a drink or to. That is the main question.

09-23-2004, 06:08 PM	#3
Empathy Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Z51Pegasi Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 669	I think it's ok for you to have a couple, COUPLE of drinks before talking to her. But don't make a habit of it. This is a fear that you're going to have to learn to conquer in life w/out the help of alcohol. You can't get buzzed everytime you get nervous. Good luck!

09-24-2004, 02:57 PM	#5
shocked&dismayed Offline Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Age: 33 Posts: 584	Yeah, It's fine. But keep in mind there are a few other things you could do to get rid of your nervousness and be more able to go with the flow. 1) If you run, or like doing other exercise, go do your favourite for a slightly longer time than normal. That will not only help you release your anxiety, but it will also fill you with natural endorphins to make you brighter and more cheerful, so you kill two birds with one stone. 2) There is a theory about guys and how they are most honest with women when they aren't thinking subconsciously about sex. Remember that scene in "There's Something About Mary"? I'll let you figure out the rest. Good luck