Bad timing, alcohol and a mean text message (LONG)

Spusaf · 08-11-2004, 04:14 PM

Okay let me throw some background into this first, it really isn't 'getting back together' more like just getting her to talk to me.

I met a girl through work, one of my customers. We were friendly for a while, and moved up to flirting. After a looong time with the flirting, I finally passed my number to her, and she happily gave me hers. I wanted to call the second she walked away, but I figured I'd have to play the game and wait a couple of days.

To my suprise, she called me the next day wanting to go the movies. I usually hate going to the movies on the first date since you really cant talk and get to know eachother, but it was a movie I wanted to see, and I figured if she laughed at all the right spots I could see if we atleast shared a good sense of humor (that make sense?) Well the theatre was a bit out, so we had time to talk on the way, plus the movie didnt start for 45 minutes so even more time there. I instantly found that she had every quality I've ever been looking for all wrapped up into one person.

Music Movies things we did in our free time all matched up. Movie ended, we came home, had a beer or two, and she was on her way. Now I didn't go for the kiss, because she's 21 I'm 28 and I didn't want her to think that I'm just some old bum after young girls.

After she left I went up to bed and just layed there thinking. 5 minutes later she calls, saying she can't sleep, she had a great time, and we did the talk for hours thing, it was heaven. The next day she stopped over after work, and we sat on the step had a few beers before she had to get home, even that was great.

The problem is the following day, she was leaving for the shore with her family for a week, and I missed her already. She said she would stop by at 7am before she hit the road to say goodbye. I set my alarm, she didn't show (Clue?) Around 1pm she calls to say she ended up driving down with her mother, good reason.

I work nights so I'm up til 6am usually, but every night, sometimes twice, she called just to say hi, or to talk. One night she called at 5am just to say she woke up, and she was just going to go back to sleep, nothing else, and I pretty much melted, I smiled for days. Then came the day she was due back, she said she'd stop by when she got home, again, I get a call at 11pm saying she came home, and fell asleep. Understandable, long drive and all. We talked the next day and everyday for 3 weeks. However every conversation got shorter and shorter, down to 1-2 minutes of her just saying she cant come over, friends, work, family, they were always good reasons, but so many of them.

By this time it's been about a month since Ive seen her. I finally get her to stop by after work just for 5 minutes to say hi, but I'll be damned if she doesn't have one of her friends in the car. So that was no fun. During this time I sent her flowers to her work with a card that said 'Just Because' and signed my name, she was laughing so I assumed she liked them.

Shortly after a mutual friend tells me that the girl I'm after avoids confrontation... that she never really broke up with her Ex, she just stopped calling and talking to him until he got the point. Well thats cold, but it's 3rd party information and I dismissed it for a while.

After that, the phone calls came everyother day and only after I called, I started to realize I was being phased out. So I had a rough night at a party figured I'd lay down and send a text message. We were supposed to go to the Zoo a couple of days later (tomorrow actually) but I knew it was a matter of time before she canceled on me with another reason.

So first I wrote out like a 3 page text, drunk, this took me hours. When I sent it, something happened and it only sent the last page... what the whole thing said was, I was going to let her off the hook with the zoo thing before she cancelled blah blah, the page she got said, atleast the vibe I get, call me and tell me if I'm crazy or right on. Still drunk, and those words, just waited until he got the hint echoing in my head, I sent another saying 'It takes me a while but I think I finally got the hint, call me when you can spare 2 minutes for me.' Now that just sounds rude.

Needless to say she hasn't called. The next morning, still drunk but sober enough to regret what I did, I started leaving a few messages saying call me, blah blah, I didn't mean it like that. No call. I waited a day and a half, sleepless mind you, and sent a little cutsie text saying let me try this again, Im so and so... and so on.

Now that was a few hours ago, but I regret sending it so early, I think I should have waited longer. Now I'm sorry this is so long but I'm crushed, what should I do? I just want to call, grovel and appologize, but if I keep calling, well that's just freaky, and I don't want to scare her. I also don't want to wait too long. The one message I left said, just call me to tell me to stop calling, but she didn't even do that.

Now most guys would say step up and be a man, move on. I don't want to... it's taken me my whole life to find someone like her, and maybe her ex just wasn't persistant enough and gave up too soon? I really don't know what to do... I'm always the goto guy for my friends on advice, but now I realize, I've got no one to go to, so any help is appreciated.

rnorth · 08-11-2004, 05:06 PM

21 is a funny age for women. Some are actualized and mature, others are still very much into being girls, and haven't really grown up yet. The case with your friend sounds like the latter.

You are getting too wrapped up into her too quickly and its turning out that she's not at all what you think she is. I would back off considerably and pursue other interests. If she contacts you, great. If not, you've not lost anything.

Don't invest too much more time and heartache in her, seriously. And the next person you meet, take your time getting to know her before you get too involved. This may not be what you want to read, but its how I see your situation...

Good luck, and hang in there.

Spusaf · 08-11-2004, 05:46 PM

Well the right thing is rarely what one wants to hear, but I certainly needed to hear it. I'm sure this is going to be a lesson learned about taking it slow, it's just going to be difficult knowing there's the perfect person out there for me, but with one major flaw. I won't write her off today, but I guess I should cease contact. Thanks for the advice.

rnorth · 08-11-2004, 05:52 PM

Sorry man. You never can say never, but you sound like a good guy and it just sounds too familiar from my past. Younger girl wows slightly older guy, but the difference between 28 and 21 is greater than if you were both older. At her age, she probably is not to with the big relationship thing yet.

rotty · 08-12-2004, 07:02 AM

you'll be right man just hang in there, let this one go.. sounds like your better off without her. shut the door, and if she comes knocking then you no there's a chance, doesnt sound like theres any point in chasing this one, im the same age as this girl, not that, that makes me know wat im talking about my ex is 19 and i cant understand her, ok im dribbling now
take it eazy

08-11-2004, 04:14 PM	#1
Spusaf Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Pennsylvania Age: 33 Posts: 2	Bad timing, alcohol and a mean text message (LONG) Okay let me throw some background into this first, it really isn't 'getting back together' more like just getting her to talk to me. I met a girl through work, one of my customers. We were friendly for a while, and moved up to flirting. After a looong time with the flirting, I finally passed my number to her, and she happily gave me hers. I wanted to call the second she walked away, but I figured I'd have to play the game and wait a couple of days. To my suprise, she called me the next day wanting to go the movies. I usually hate going to the movies on the first date since you really cant talk and get to know eachother, but it was a movie I wanted to see, and I figured if she laughed at all the right spots I could see if we atleast shared a good sense of humor (that make sense?) Well the theatre was a bit out, so we had time to talk on the way, plus the movie didnt start for 45 minutes so even more time there. I instantly found that she had every quality I've ever been looking for all wrapped up into one person. Music Movies things we did in our free time all matched up. Movie ended, we came home, had a beer or two, and she was on her way. Now I didn't go for the kiss, because she's 21 I'm 28 and I didn't want her to think that I'm just some old bum after young girls. After she left I went up to bed and just layed there thinking. 5 minutes later she calls, saying she can't sleep, she had a great time, and we did the talk for hours thing, it was heaven. The next day she stopped over after work, and we sat on the step had a few beers before she had to get home, even that was great. The problem is the following day, she was leaving for the shore with her family for a week, and I missed her already. She said she would stop by at 7am before she hit the road to say goodbye. I set my alarm, she didn't show (Clue?) Around 1pm she calls to say she ended up driving down with her mother, good reason. I work nights so I'm up til 6am usually, but every night, sometimes twice, she called just to say hi, or to talk. One night she called at 5am just to say she woke up, and she was just going to go back to sleep, nothing else, and I pretty much melted, I smiled for days. Then came the day she was due back, she said she'd stop by when she got home, again, I get a call at 11pm saying she came home, and fell asleep. Understandable, long drive and all. We talked the next day and everyday for 3 weeks. However every conversation got shorter and shorter, down to 1-2 minutes of her just saying she cant come over, friends, work, family, they were always good reasons, but so many of them. By this time it's been about a month since Ive seen her. I finally get her to stop by after work just for 5 minutes to say hi, but I'll be damned if she doesn't have one of her friends in the car. So that was no fun. During this time I sent her flowers to her work with a card that said 'Just Because' and signed my name, she was laughing so I assumed she liked them. Shortly after a mutual friend tells me that the girl I'm after avoids confrontation... that she never really broke up with her Ex, she just stopped calling and talking to him until he got the point. Well thats cold, but it's 3rd party information and I dismissed it for a while. After that, the phone calls came everyother day and only after I called, I started to realize I was being phased out. So I had a rough night at a party figured I'd lay down and send a text message. We were supposed to go to the Zoo a couple of days later (tomorrow actually) but I knew it was a matter of time before she canceled on me with another reason. So first I wrote out like a 3 page text, drunk, this took me hours. When I sent it, something happened and it only sent the last page... what the whole thing said was, I was going to let her off the hook with the zoo thing before she cancelled blah blah, the page she got said, atleast the vibe I get, call me and tell me if I'm crazy or right on. Still drunk, and those words, just waited until he got the hint echoing in my head, I sent another saying 'It takes me a while but I think I finally got the hint, call me when you can spare 2 minutes for me.' Now that just sounds rude. Needless to say she hasn't called. The next morning, still drunk but sober enough to regret what I did, I started leaving a few messages saying call me, blah blah, I didn't mean it like that. No call. I waited a day and a half, sleepless mind you, and sent a little cutsie text saying let me try this again, Im so and so... and so on. Now that was a few hours ago, but I regret sending it so early, I think I should have waited longer. Now I'm sorry this is so long but I'm crushed, what should I do? I just want to call, grovel and appologize, but if I keep calling, well that's just freaky, and I don't want to scare her. I also don't want to wait too long. The one message I left said, just call me to tell me to stop calling, but she didn't even do that. Now most guys would say step up and be a man, move on. I don't want to... it's taken me my whole life to find someone like her, and maybe her ex just wasn't persistant enough and gave up too soon? I really don't know what to do... I'm always the goto guy for my friends on advice, but now I realize, I've got no one to go to, so any help is appreciated.

08-11-2004, 05:06 PM	#2
rnorth Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 375	21 is a funny age for women. Some are actualized and mature, others are still very much into being girls, and haven't really grown up yet. The case with your friend sounds like the latter. You are getting too wrapped up into her too quickly and its turning out that she's not at all what you think she is. I would back off considerably and pursue other interests. If she contacts you, great. If not, you've not lost anything. Don't invest too much more time and heartache in her, seriously. And the next person you meet, take your time getting to know her before you get too involved. This may not be what you want to read, but its how I see your situation... Good luck, and hang in there.

08-11-2004, 05:46 PM	#3
Spusaf Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Pennsylvania Age: 33 Posts: 2	Well the right thing is rarely what one wants to hear, but I certainly needed to hear it. I'm sure this is going to be a lesson learned about taking it slow, it's just going to be difficult knowing there's the perfect person out there for me, but with one major flaw. I won't write her off today, but I guess I should cease contact. Thanks for the advice.

08-11-2004, 05:52 PM	#4
rnorth Offline Member Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Male Posts: 375	Sorry man. You never can say never, but you sound like a good guy and it just sounds too familiar from my past. Younger girl wows slightly older guy, but the difference between 28 and 21 is greater than if you were both older. At her age, she probably is not to with the big relationship thing yet.

08-12-2004, 07:02 AM	#5
rotty Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Age: 26 Posts: 26	you'll be right man just hang in there, let this one go.. sounds like your better off without her. shut the door, and if she comes knocking then you no there's a chance, doesnt sound like theres any point in chasing this one, im the same age as this girl, not that, that makes me know wat im talking about my ex is 19 and i cant understand her, ok im dribbling now take it eazy